


The Light Never Lies

by aace1234



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: #may be triggering, Abusive Relationship, Anxiety Disorder, Clubbing, Doctor Harry, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Insecure Louis, LiamAndyNiallZaynandLouisarebrothers, M/M, Model Louis, Older Harry, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, Younger Louis, addmoretagslater
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-22 11:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 81,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3727426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aace1234/pseuds/aace1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SEQUEL TO 'IT'S SAFER IN THE DARK' MUST READ FIRST!!!!</p><p>Harry and Louis haven't seen each other in four years, since Harry left Louis to move to LA and Louis moved to Oxford University. </p><p>Four years on and Louis has graduated from Oxford and become completely independent. He is a lot more confidant and is in control of his life, but will the daemons of the dark resurface when things get to much. </p><p>Harry is now a fully qualified Doctor. Does he regret leaving Louis behind or has he moved on with someone else? </p><p>Will Harry and Louis find each other again? Conflicts and emotional confrontations arise, when everything is thrown into the light it's hard to find a place to hide.</p><p>THIS IS MY STORY PLEASE DO NOT COPY IT</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is completely fiction and I know it takes more than four years to become a Doctor but for the sake of the story just go with it. I also don't know if the laws I've mentioned In the first chapter even exist or Not but again just go with it. 
> 
> This is the sequel to 'it's safer in the dark'
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy x

Four years later-- Louis is 21, Harry is 24, Liam is 28, Niall is 23 and Zayn and Andy are 26.

Louis POV

I wake up gasping for air, I realise it's the buzzing from my phone that has brought me out of my nightmare. I reach out to grab the phone from my bedside table and look towards the clock, 6:30am ughhhh. I don't look at the caller ID, not fully awake yet, I just click the answer button.

"Hello" I say groggily into the receiver.

"Unca Lou?" I hear a cute little voice ask me.

"Lacey?" I ask as I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up in my bed.

"Yeh, Unca Lou it me" she says back giggling.

"Lacey sweetheart, does daddy know you have his phone again?" I ask with a laugh.

"No, I hiding shhhh" She whispers.

I laugh in response.

"Wanna see you Unca Lou" Lacey tells me.

"Ohhh I wanna see you too sweetheart, I will be there on Saturday for your birthday okay, I promise" I say. 

"Will you bring me a pwesent?" She asks me cutely.

"The biggest I can find munchkin" I tell her.

"A pony?" She exclaims loudly.

Before I can answer, I hear shuffling on the other line and then Liam's voice in my ear. 

"Lou? I'm so so sorry bud, Lacey got my phone again. I don't know why, but she always wants to talk to you and knows how to find your picture in my phone and press the call button, I'm sorry" Liam rushes out, sounding tired.

"It's because I'm the best Uncle in the world" I declare and Liam scoffs causing us both to laugh. 

"It's fine Li I promise, I love her, she can call me whenever she wants" I add.

"Thanks Lou.......so how are you doing?" Liam asks and I sense there is an underlying meaning to his question.

"I'm fine Li, really busy with work at the moment, I will see you guys all on Saturday okay, I'll stay until Monday and then I have to head back for a few jobs" I tell him.

"Sounds great Lou, we can't wait to see you" he says.

"Me neither, give Lacey a big kiss for me okay" I tell him. 

We say our goodbyes and hang up. I sigh and flop back on my bed. I'm so tired, I haven't had a nightmare like that in months. I still get them every now and then, even after four years the accident still haunts my dreams. 

I make myself get up off my bed and head for a shower. I don't have to leave for work for another hour and a half but there is no point in heading back to sleep now. 

I walk through the warmth of the flat noticing as I look out the window, that it looks quite cold outside. I run through my itinerary for today in my head and remind myself that I have to pick up a present for Lacey this afternoon after work. I strip down in the bathroom and avoid the full length mirror as always. 

Over the last four years I've relapsed twice with my eating disorder. About a year after I moved was the first time, the stress of studying was really getting to me and I went backwards and I started skipping meals. It only lasted for a few months before the boys helped me get back on track. The second time though, was about four months ago and I'm still struggling. 

When I moved into the dorms at Oxford university I really felt at home, like I actually fit in somewhere. I didn't really struggle with making friends, but I didn't go out of my way to make any either. It turned out that Cameron was accepted to Oxford as well and was in the next dorm room over, majoring in social economics. We became really close really fast and developed a great friendship, he is now one of my very closest and best friends. After we both graduated six months ago we ended up moving into the same apartment building in the snobby part of London, I'm one floor above him. Cameron has a steady boyfriend named Oli and he is a great guy, we all get along really well and are always hanging out. I sometimes can't help but feel like a third wheel but they are both quick to tell me I'm not and that they both love having me around. 

Over the last four years Liam, Zayn and Andy have grown their business and expanded globally. They are now one of the top record labels around. They are still based out of the UK and have all actually moved into a high-end estate where they all live on the same street, in the same cauldersac, it's actually insane. Liam is now married to Sophia and they have a three year old called Lacey and another on the way. Zayn and Perrie are also married, they have been trying for about a year to have kids with no luck yet. To everyone's surprise, Andy has also settled down with his fiancé Chloe, they have one year old twins Audrey and Jasper. Of course I am the best Uncle in the world, I love the kids to bits and spoil them rotten. Much to Liam and Andy's protests, but they just need to understand that's what uncles are for. Niall is also back in England, playing football for Manchester United. He is now a world renown player and has made an awesome career for himself. He has a steady girlfriend but nothing serious, he claims he is still young and doesn't want to settle down just yet. 

With me based in London now but traveling a lot for work, I don't see them all as much as I would like. We are all still really close and I try to make it for monthly Sunday dinners, but with work and the two and a half hours it takes to travel to them, it's not always possible. We talk on the phone a lot though, I don't go more than two days without talking to at least one of the boys. 

When I moved to Oxford I had no idea what I wanted to major in, I decided to take my time and I took a few months to decide. I found I really had a passion for kids and after what I went through during high school I really wanted to help other kids like me, who were bullied and abused. So, I majored in Child Protection Law and minored in Business. As a result, I developed a program for high school kids that focuses on anti bullying, it is now a compulsory part of the curriculum in the UK, for all children to participate in at the beginning of high school. I also helped pass a law in the children's court that allows bullied and abused children to rightfully apply for protection and restraining orders against their peers. I achieved all of this before I finished my second year of study. Eventually I want to open my own law firm, strictly dedicated to helping kids who are bullied, harassed and abused. 

My law firm dreams have taken a backseat for the moment though. Two years ago Cameron and I were getting our usual morning coffee at Starbucks before classes, when I was approached by a modeling scout. I really didn't think anything of it and never even dreamed of ever doing something like modeling. With too many insecurities and a ruthless industry full of people who criticise your body and every move, I didn't want to get caught up in it all. That is, until the scout came back to the same Starbucks three times looking for me because I never called her back. I eventually caved though, with Cameron constantly in my ear telling me to try it. I went to an interview, was signed on the spot and I haven't looked back. I've currently got a contract with Calvin Klein underwear as well as Burberry and Vans shoes to name a few. I'm too short to walk a catwalk but I have done it a couple of times. The boys were all worried at first as It had only been a year since my last relapse at the time I was signed. I was back on track though and determined to not let the industry get to me and it worked, for about two years. Until I found some online tweets about how I was ugly and fat. No matter how many good tweets I read it was the 3 or 4 negative comments that I couldn't get out of my head and I let them get to me. Thats what led me to now and my second relapse in four years. I've been calorie counting and continuously weighing myself and limiting my food intake for the past four months, as well as exercising a little more than I should be. Nothing as bad as I was, I'm not throwing up, just keeping my weight a lot more in check. I don't want to be on a billboard in the middle of London with a flabby stomach. I haven't told anyone or mentioned anything to the boys. I still see Kimberly once a month but I haven't mentioned it to her either, I'm not out of control and feeling depressed or anything. I'm really happy with my life and what I've achieved so far. It's just its my job now, to make sure I look good and that's all I'm doing, ensuring my career. 

My insecurities are still an issue for me, I still feel like I'm not good enough and I haven't really gotten over Harry leaving me. I haven't had a boyfriend since he left nor have I wanted to enter into a relationship with anyone. It's not like I'm pining and waiting for Harry to come back to me, I know I'm not good enough for him. I just haven't found anyone whom I want to be with, who sends me weak at the knees just by looking at them. Who, when we kiss the whole world stops. Who knows me inside and out and the way I am. I may be asking for to much but I know I can find someone like that, I know that type of love exists because I've had it before, with Harry. 

I haven't seen nor spoken to Harry in four years. Cameron still keeps in touch with him and Niall and him are still the best of friends. I don't ask about him though and I tell Niall and Cam not to mention me. It's just too hard, even after four years it's too hard. When I wake up on a rare occasion I have a nightmare, the first person I look for even after so long is Harry. When I fall asleep at night I think of Harry and what he is doing and if he still thinks of me. I still wear his paper plane necklace around my neck, ironically it's my lucky charm. I have heard through the grapevine that Harry completed his medical degree with top honours and is now a highly sort after General Surgeon and Emergency Room Doctor. He hasn't tried to contact me and as far as I know hasn't asked about me from Niall or Cameron. He would have moved on for sure and completely forgotten about me.

I get out of the shower and get dressed in my black skinny jeans, a white long sleeve top and my black and white Vans. I walk to my kitchen and turn the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea. I look around my apartment. After growing up in such a huge house and always feeling lonely, I wanted an apartment that was homely and warm. I haven't achieved that yet, as much as I don't want to admit it there is and always will be, something missing. 

The kitchen is modern, grey marble bench tops and black cupboards make a u shape around the room. While a stainless steel fridge and pantry sits in the corner. There is every gadget and appliance imaginable inside the many draws and cupboards, that I have never and will never use. The kitchen itself isn't oversized though and I don't get overwhelmed walking into it, Kimberly said that was important, but it's not like I use the kitchen much anyway. 

Off the kitchen is the sunken lounge room, both rooms have glass walls that overlook a beautiful big park. To the right of the lounge room is the hallway and off the hallway there are two modest size bedrooms and a bathroom. The place is really nice and modern but it's not my home.

The kettle whistles and I get to pouring my tea. I'm not going to eat this morning, I haven't eaten breakfast in at least two months, I just stick to tea. I'm just finishing my cup when someone knocks on my door. I head to open the door and come face to face with Cameron.

"Morning snookums " Cameron says smirking at me.

"Good morning sweet cheeks do come in" I reply, moving aside and gesturing with my arm.

Cameron laughs and walks into the apartment.

"What are you doing up this early?" He asks me. 

"I have a shoot with a new clothing label that wants to sign me" I say.

We head into the kitchen and Cameron sits up on the bench and starts swinging his legs.

"Getting quite popular lately, huh babe" he says with a wink.

"Shut up" I say as I shove him and look down and blush.

It's a complete mystery to me why anyone would find me attractive and want to put me on a billboard. I stopped trying to analyse it a while ago and just go with it. All I can do is make sure I keep my weight in check and stay toned. I'm just waiting for the day it all comes crashing down, but in the meantime I'm having a blast.

"Have you eaten this morning?" Cam asks, turning serious.

"Don't start Cam" I say as I push myself up off the bench and leave the kitchen, heading into my room to grab my stuff.

"Lou, I know what you're doing. Should I be worried?" He asks following me.

"No, I ate some toast before" I lie.

"I know when you're lying to me Louis and I didn't see a plate in the sink" he says. 

"What, are you checking up on my every move now?" I ask getting angry, turning around to face him.

"Don't be like that Lou, Liam is worried, Im worried, all the boys are" He tells me.

I knew Liam was hinting at something this morning and now he has sent Cam to check on me, I'm so annoyed.

"What. Why? I haven't given them a reason to be worried, I'm doing fine" I say frustratingly.

"Lou, we all saw the gossip magazines last week and you can't blame us for worrying"' Cam says.

I grab my wallet, phone and backpack and head to the front door. 

"I expected you if all people to not read that shit Cam, it's all made up. I'm not too thin, I'm eating and I'm definitely not on drugs" I say back. 

I grab my black jacket and grey beanie and slip them on and I turn to leave.

"Ok I believe you I do, I really do, just.......come to me please, if you need too" he says sincerely. 

"Don't I always" I ask him.

He shoves my arm.

"Yeah Lou, you do" He smiles.

I can't help but smile slightly back at him. I'm lucky to have a friend like Cam in my life and I don't want to give him a reason to leave.

"Knock em dead at your shoot snookums, love you" he says and kisses me on the cheek.

"Love you too sweet cheeks" I laugh and we leave the apartment.

The shoot goes really well and the clothing label signs me on the spot a £200,000 one year contract. It's not as much as my other deals, but an amazing opportunity and I would never turn it down, I'm amazed I can even get any work. The campaign consists of pictures on billboards and bus's, as well as pictures across buildings throughout the UK. Some photos will be shirtless. I'm used to that but I just hope my body will be ok and won't disappoint.

Its 2pm by the time I leave the shoot and I'm starting to get a little light headed, I usually go home and sleep when I get like this but I still have to get Lacey a present for her birthday. I head towards the kids toy store in the middle of town. I have no idea what a three year old would want, a pony apparently but Liam would absolutely kill me. I end up finding a life size mechanical pony that makes real pony sounds and eats fake carrots. It seems like the most ridiculous toy ever but I know Lacey would love it. £300 pounds later I've arranged for the pony to be delivered Saturday morning to Liam's.

As I'm walking out of the shop, pleased with myself for finding such a good present, I'm sure to keep my 'Best Uncle' title now. I walk past the gossip magazine stall in the middle of the street and there on the front cover of three separate magazines is me. The headlines read everything from me being 'sexy, gay and single' to me being 'on drugs and too thin'. I sigh, why it's even news is a mystery to me. Thanks to my dad Mark though and his huge celebrity status, as soon as the press got wind that I was his son, my fame seemed to skyrocket further. Now my every move seems to be watched and reported on. As I get closer, I pick up the magazine that's talking about me being too thin. This must be the magazine Liam and the boys read. It's absolutely stupid and it looks like I have been photoshopped to look much thinner than I am. I shake my head and put the magazine back and begin my walk back to my apartment. When I'm about two blocks from home I notice a car is following me and then suddenly it stops and four photographers jump out of the car. Paparazzi! . I turn around quickly and keep my head down as I pick up my pace, I'm surrounded in seconds.

"Louis is it true you are now in rehab for drug abuse?" One annoying pap asks.

"No, it's not true I don't do drugs" I say shyly, keeping my head down.

"Is it true you have just signed with H&K clothing?" One asks.

How do they know this stuff? I literally signed with them two hours ago.

"Yeah ,I'm looking forward to working with them" I say.

I'm trying to push my way through the crowd and I'm getting even more light headed and a little dizzy. This isn't the first time I've been approached by paparazzi but as I'm walking, more and more people enter the crowd. Cameras and flashes are everywhere and my name is being called from all different directions. I'm feeling really claustrophobic and my breathing picks up. They are pushing and pulling me roughly.

"Louis! Over here" 

"Louis, you're too thin are you ok?" 

"Are you sure your not on drugs?"

"Louis!!!"

There are arms grabbing me from all over the place. Shit, I can feel myself starting to freak out, I've never experienced anything like this before. I'm actually a little bit scared, I can't get through and I feel like they are all closing in on me. I cannot panic here in front of all these cameras. I'm finding it hard to breathe though, I try to regulating my breathing like Kimberly used to tell me to do and my legs keep pushing me forward. My mind is dizzy and cloudy but I ignore the questions and comments and just keep walking.

I push forwards and finally I can see my apartment up ahead. The doorman at the entrance notices the crowd and looks towards us. We make eye contact and he opens the door ready for me. I reach the entrance and I'm ushered quickly inside. Paparazzi aren't allowed to follow me into the building thank god. I practically bolt in and run straight for the lift. As soon as the lift doors open and I'm inside and on my way to my floor, I lean against the glass and sink to the floor. I try to calm my breathing. That was so overwhelming, I've never been mobbed and pulled at like that before. 

When the lift doors open I race straight for my apartment, open the door and turn around and lock it. I take my jacket off, I'm too hot. Before I can control it I'm racing for the toilet. I get there just in time, before I'm on my knees puking my guts up. I now know perfectly well that I've just crossed the line, I haven't been this bad in four years. I haven't thrown up from stress or had a panic attack in four whole years. I can't help but hate myself just a little bit for being so weak, for going backwards after I've come so far and the worst thing is, I hate myself for wishing that stupid boy with the stupid curls and stupid green eyes who broke my heart was next to me telling me I will be ok.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry's POV

"Thank you for coming in today Doctor Styles. It was a pleasure to see you again and we are looking forward to having you as part of our team" 

I'm told by Doctor Grant, the Chief in charge of the Emergency department at St Mary's private Hospital in London.

"I'm very much looking forward to working with you too. I'm honoured to be chosen to be apart of such a fantastic department. St Mary's has always been on the top of my list of hospitals" I say back, shaking his hand.

"Well I'm glad, we are very lucky to have you Styles, your credentials are impeccable and your recommendations are extremely impressive" Dr Grant says.

"Thank you sir" I reply.

"Now feel free to call me if need be between now and Monday if you have any questions, otherwise, we will see you 7am Monday morning for your first shift" he says warmly to me.

"I look forward to it sir" I say back grinning like an idiot. 

We say our goodbyes and I walk out of the main entrance of the hospital and into the brisk cold air of London. I sigh, I've missed this weather so much. I breathe in the air and turn around to head towards my car, I pull my coat tightly around me, the cold biting at me fiercely. Suddenly my pocket starts vibrating and I take out my buzzing phone and look towards the screen. I see Niall's name flash up, I can't help but smile. I also can't deny the slight pang I feel in my chest that it's not the Tomlinson I secretly, even after so long, hoped it would be.

"Well hello there stranger, how's my favourite football player?" I ask cheekily.

"Mate!! Are you back yet? I've missed you! We need a night out of clubbing and drinking, what do you say?" Niall asks me excitedly.

"I say, I'll be over tomorrow night! I've got three three more days before I start work and I need to let my hair down" I say smiling.

"Sure you do Styles. Listen, drive down to Liam and Soph's I'm staying there for the next month before training starts again and I head back to Manchester. We can make a weekend out if it. My niece is turning three and there is a party happening." Niall tells me.

"Yeah, alright sounds great I've missed the boys, it will be great to see them again" I say.

"Yeah, like old times" Niall says.

Yeah, like old times. I think, without Louis by my side. 

"Oh! also, I've got this knee problem I need you to fix it for me" Niall says seriously, causing me to snort.

"Niall mate, I'm a General Surgeon, I don't specialise in knee injuries. I'll look at it for you, but I'm not risking the NUMBER ONE striker for Manchester's career by treating your knee" I laugh.

"Yeah, yea, what are you good for then mate?" Niall jokes.

"Hey!!!" I say acting offended. 

"Love ya Styles, see you tomorrow at 7, bring booze" he says back and hangs up.

I can't help but shake my head at my best friend. Although I haven't seen him much over the last four years, we have still remained really close. Skype and phone calls with Niall were such a savour throughout medical school. 

The four years I spent in LA were amazing. After much deliberation between following paediatrics or becoming a surgeon, I decided to specialise in General Surgery and it quickly became my goal to work in the Emergency Department. I found I thrived on the busyness and the pressure of it all and working in LA proved to never be a bore. I definitely saw a lot of things I never thought I would see, let alone have to treat in my life, it was incredible.

I decided to leave LA though last month, after being offered a job at St Mary's hospital in London. With missing home and my friends and family so much and maybe a certain Tomlinson, it was the deciding factor. Im so glad I made the decision to come back, I didn't realise how much I missed London until I stepped off the plane.

As I'm walking back to my car I duck into the newsagency to grab some gum and a drink, but when I enter the shop I stop in my tracks. On the shelf straight in front of me is a magazine with a picture of Louis, my Louis on the cover. 

'Is sexy and super smart supermodel Louis Tomlinson single and are the rumours behind his drug addiction true?' The cover reads. 

Drug addiction? No way! Louis would never do drugs well, not the Louis I used to know. I've been following Louis career over the last few years. I know he finished his law degree and I was so proud of him when I heard the changes he had made to the court laws as well as the program he developed for high school students. I knew Louis would smash it at Oxford, become more confident and become someone great. Two years ago though I noticed Louis picture in a few magazines and now, he is literally everywhere and thanks to his father (who I know from Niall they still don't talk to) Louis has become quite famous within the gossip and celebrity scene. 

I look over the front cover and notice Louis is looking really thin, I really hope he is ok. What I wouldn't give to hold him in my arms again. I was stupid to ever let him go, I was young and I knew he needed to find himself and become someone great but I should have been there to support him. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of Louis, wonder what he is doing or how he is. Niall and Cameron are quick to change the subject when I ask about Louis so I know he doesn't want anything to do with me. He looks just like I remember him but if it's possible he looks even more stunning. I know he lives in London now, but London's quite big and I have no idea where. 

When I was trying to find an apartment to move into when I moved back to London, Cameron suggested I look at the apartment complex he lives in. It's close to the hospital and in a great part of London and it overlooks a big park, I really liked it. So, he helped me get a great deal on an apartment one floor above his and his boyfriends. 

I sigh, what I wouldn't give to see Louis again.

Since I left Louis, I have only been with one other person. We were in a relationship for two years, I guess you could say I loved him and I did, I still do, but not the way I love Louis. We broke up when I decided to move back to London, long distance wasn't an option because my move to London is perminant and David is staying in LA inevitably. The two years David and I were together were great, we moved In together and things were comfortable but I always felt something was missing.

I wish I could just see Louis again and tell him what a dick I was and how much I miss him. If I could beg for another chance I would, but he would have guys falling all over him and has probably moved on completely. 

I get back to my car and I begin the short drive back to my apartment, when I turn down my street the traffic starts to get really bad. I can see up ahead on the sidewalk a crowd of people and what looks like paparazzi taking pictures of someone. It must obviously be a celebrity, or someone of importance. The crowd looks quite rough and there is a lot of pushing and pulling. I see someone with a beanie and black jacket on rush inside the building.... my apartment building. I see the Paps all standing around the glass doors trying to get a photo of whoever it was, inside. I'm thankful I have underground access and don't have to go through the mob. 

I make it back to my apartment and walk in, the place is really nice and modern but I can't help the lonely feeling I get when I enter. It's so cold and not at all homey.

I decide to take a shower and put on my comfortable sweats and a T-shirt, I cook myself a nice stir fry for dinner and I grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the couch to watch some mindless TV show and can't help but stop on one of the many celebrity gossip channels. When I see Louis name and picture come up on the screen, I can't help but pause the TV and stare at the beautiful boy that used to be mine. I can't help but hate myself for letting him slip though my fingers. 

I decide to call Cameron up and get him to come over for a catch up and a beer and hopefully he can take mind off things or in turn give me some answers to the many questions I have when it comes to Louis. Cameron agrees enthusiastically, we haven't hung out together in ages. When he arrives he grabs a beer and sits next to me on the couch. 

"So how was your interview today?" He asks me as he lays back against the couch and puts his feet in my lap.

"Yeah, great I start on Monday. I'm really looking forward to it" I tell him.

"Thats great H, you will be the hottest doctor in London" He says smiling.

I laugh and shove his arm. 

"So how's work going?" I ask him.

"Yeah great, we just did a big merger with another company and business is going really well" He tells me.

We talk about lots of stuff and catch up. Cam tells me more about Oli his boyfriend and I'm so happy that he is in a great relationship. After about and hour of laughing and bantering back and forth I can't take it anymore and need to ask about Louis. 

"So um Cam, so like I was wondering.... you and Louis are really close now right?" I ask nervously as I play with the label on my beer bottle.

"Yeah H, he is like my brother I've told you this" Cam says back, sensing where this conversation is heading. 

"Well um like... I was reading a magazine today and I saw him on the front and I just wanted to know like.....how um, how is he?" I question looking anywhere but towards Cameron.

I hear him sigh and hesitate. I turn to look him in the eyes, mine pleading with his to give me some, any, information.

"Harry-" he starts.

"No Cam please.... I just need to know he is ok, please I....I miss him, is he with...um with anyone?" I ask, hoping I get the answer I'm looking for.

"Ughhh Harry, I shouldn't be telling you any of this you know this right. I'm literally betraying Louis here" Cameron says.

I look down towards my lap, It's silent for a few minuets before he starts talking.

"He has been doing great, he has been so happy. He has relapsed with his anorexia once, in his second year at Oxford. It didn't last long and he has been back on track since, going really really well. He still doesn't understand why anyone thinks he is attractive or why they want him to model" Cam says.

I scoff and roll my eyes while Cameron laughs.

"You know what Louis like H, has never thought he was attractive. He is still insecure but only the people who know him really well can tell that, he hides it so well. He is smashing the industry though and is getting tons of work, they love him" he says. 

"I'm so proud of him Cam, I really am" I say.

Cameron smiles at me knowingly.

"He is single H and as far as I know he isn't looking for anything or anyone at the moment. I....ugh I shouldn't be telling you this but......I know he misses you" Cam says quietly.

My breath hitches in my throat. He misses me? He still thinks of me? I can't help but smile at his words.

"Don't look all smug there H, of course he misses you. You really really hurt him though Harry like, badly" He tells me and the guilt I feel makes my smile fall completely off my face. I'm such an asshole.

"I know Cam, I know but I...I want" I start.

"I know H. Believe me I do, but he is still fragile and I'm not convinced these magazines are that far from the truth" he says looking down in his lap.

"You mean you think Louis is doing drugs?" I ask incredulously.

"Well, I dunno, not necessarily, but I think he may be at risk of relapsing again and if he sees you after so long, Im not sure what he will do" Cameron says, looking me in the eyes.

I'm gutted, I want to see him again so badly, I didn't realise how much I had actually hurt him by leaving. I never wanted to hurt him. I just wanted him to reach his full potential and follow his dreams without having to follow me. I couldn't turn down such a great opportunity and I know Louis would have moved his whole life to be with me, but I couldn't let him do that and a long distance relationship just wouldn't have been fair to either of us. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make but looking at what Louis has achieved on his own, I can't deny that it wasn't the right move to make. I just wish I hadn't have hurt him so much.

"You still love him don't you?" Cameron asks me.

I look him in the eyes wanting to say the words so badly, to finally admit them again, but I don't get the chance as Cameron's phone starts ringing, breaking our silence. 

"Hey babe" He answers.

"What?" I hear him ask and he sounds worried.

"Where is he Oli?" He demands

"Alright, yeah I've got a key I'm on my way. I'll be two minutes" he says and hangs up.

"Sorry Haz I have to go it's....it's um" he starts and it clicks.

"Louis? Is he ok?" I ask worriedly.

"Oli said he thinks so, Louis called him really upset, he had a run in with some paps and is freaking out a bit, I have to go make sure he is ok" he says

"I want to come, I'm worried Cam" I say getting up off the couch.

I walk with Cameron to the doorway.

"I don't think that's a good idea H" he tells me.

"But I'm a doctor I can help him, I want to be there for him Cam" I slightly beg.

"Harry, mate. I'm sorry, but you lost that privilege four years ago when you walked out on him" Cameron says sympathetically.

I can't help the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks, he is right, but God it fucking hurts.

"I'm sorry H, I'll see you soon ok mate but I have to go, Louis needs me" Cameron says.

I watch as he shuts the door and can't help the jealousy I feel. I should be helping Louis!! me! I'm the one who knows him and knows how to calm him down. I didn't think being so close to Louis and not able to talk to him or touch him would be this hard. 

I walk back to the couch and sit down. I put my head in my hands. I miss him so much. What the fuck have I done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and for all your lovely comments. I'm hoping to post two chapters today to say thank you. Love you all xx

Louis POV.

I finish throwing up and fall against the bathtub, my breathing picks up again. I need to call Cam before I can't come down from this myself. I can feel myself getting worked up. I try to calm my breathing as I dial Oli and Cam's apartment, Oli picks up.

"Hey Lou" he says cheerfully.

"Oli, um... Is Cam there?" I ask trying to breathe.

"No buddy he isn't, are you ok? You sound funny Lou" Oli says.

"Yeah I um, I just, the paps were following me....it just was a bit much" I stumble out.

"Okay Lou, I can come?" Oli offers, but no I just really need Cameron.

"I um, I just need Cam" I whisper.

"Ok buddy, I'll get hold of him and get him to come to you okay, where are you?" He asks concerned.

"In my bathroom, I just, I need him now" I say.

"Okay, okay he wont be long Lou, I'm going to hang up so I can call him now, he is on his way" Oli says.

"Okay" I reply weakly.

I hang up and close my eyes, regulating my breaths. I have not stressed out like this in three years. I need to relax myself and get myself out of this. Kimberly used to tell me to think of something that relaxes me and focus on it as well as evening out my breaths. I used to think of Harry and his calming green eyes and calming touch and as fucked up as it is right now it's the only thing I can think of. I think of his eyes and his smile and his stupid dimples and I find myself relaxing and I hate myself for it.

Five minutes later I'm a lot calmer and I hear the key in the front door and Cameron entering the flat.

"Louis??" He calls me.

"Cam" I yell from the bathroom, I'm not panicking anymore but I feel light headed and dizzy.

He comes rushing into the room and sees me on the floor. He comes over and kneels down in front of me.

"Oh buddy, it's okay" he says to me.

He sits on the floor and pulls me to his chest. He doesn't say anything just runs his fingers slowly through my hair.

"I'm sorry Cam, I didn't mean to call you, I just got so overwhelmed with the paps and it stressed me out and well.... I spewed and then I panicked I'm sorry" I say.

"Lou, don't apologise, tell me what happened" Cameron says to me.

I take a deep breath and explain how the paparazzi and people on the street mobbed me and how they were so close to me that I couldn't move and I stressed myself out. 

"That's perfectly normal Lou, it must have been quite scary to have people pulling and pushing at you, mobbing you like that. You also haven't had an attack in so long and you handled it all by yourself, you calmed your self down babe, before I even got here and that's a massive achievement. Don't worry about throwing up, it wasn't on purpose so don't beat yourself up about it ok bud" Cameron tells me.

"Yeah okay, I know" I say shyly.

"Maybe we should consider getting you a security guard or something" Cam jokes and I scoff. 

We sit in silence for a while on the bathroom floor before Cam speaks up.

"Come on, up you get, do you want to come to ours for dinner?" Cam asks.

"Nah thanks though. I really just need to sleep" I tell him. 

I'm a little wobbly on my feet as I get up. I should probably eat something but I really cannot be bothered right now. And I feel like I'm going to pass out any second.

I can tell Cam doesn't like my answer but he doesn't push me.

"Okay, are you going to be alright on your own?" Cam asks. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry I called you I just...."

"That's what I'm here for Lou, call me anytime, okay" Cam says smiling. 

We hug goodbye and Cam promises to come and check on me in the morning. I walk into my bedroom on shaky legs and I manage to change into my sweats, socks, a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie. I'm always cold these days even with the heating on, I fall into bed under two blankets and I'm out in two seconds.

When I wake up, I have a throbbing headache. It's still dark outside, the clock says 5:30am. I usually get up to go for a run at this time but I feel way to exhausted to even move. I sigh and roll over, I run through my day in my head like I do every morning. Kimberly recommended this exercise to distract my thoughts. I have to pack for my two days in Doncaster this weekend and buy some more tea but other than that I don't have a busy day. I relax back into the mattress thankful I don't have to be anywhere today. I roll over to go back to sleep and before another thought can enter my mind I'm already passed out.

The next time I open my eyes it's to a heavy pounding on my front door. I groan and roll over. I go to get out of bed quickly so as to stop the noise, the pounding getting on my nerves. My head feels a bit better but when I stand up and get out of bed I get really light headed and nearly faint, I need to sit down on the edge of my bed to let it pass. I haven't eaten anything in two days, I probably should eat something so I can function. When my dizzy spell has passed I push myself up off the bed and head to the front door. I open it wincing as the knocks get louder.

"What the actual fuck" I say as I pull the door open.

"Jesus Louis, I was actually worried you were fucking dead, I've been knocking on your door for 20 minutes"

"Why didn't you use your key Cameron" I ask as we walk back into the flat. Cameron closing and locking the door behind him.

We head to the lounge room and I fall face first into the couch.

"I left it in my flat" he says. "Are you seriously still sleeping? It's 4 in the afternoon" Cameron says.

"I was tired" I say Into the pillow.

"Yesterday knocked you around a bit didn't it" Cameron States.

"Yeah I guess" I reply, moving my head to the side so I can look at him. "I'm fine though I promise, I was just going to make something to eat" I tell him. 

I stand up and walk towards the kitchen, taking a pan out to cook some eggs. Eggs and rice crackers are my safe food, low calories but enough to get me through the day. As I'm preparing everything Cameron sits up on the kitchen bench and an awkward silence settles between us.

"Are you ok Cam? You seem a bit distracted" I say looking at him.

"I have something to tell you" Cam says.

My heart stops and I start to freak out inside, this is where he tells you he is leaving me too and doesn't want to be friends anymore. After last night he probably thinks I'm to high maintenance. 

"Oh?" I say. Clearing my throat as I try to sound unfazed. 

"Lou I um, I spoke to Harry yesterday" he says. 

This isn't news to me they talk all the time. So I'm not sure why he is bringing it up with me now? 

"And? You always talk to Harry why is it different this time?" I ask.

I try to hide my jealousy in the fact that Harry wants to talk to and keep in touch with Cameron but has never made a move to talk to me in four years. It's not like I've changed my phone number.

"Well...... Harry asked about you" He says. 

I drop the spatula I'm holding and it clangs to the floor. Why would he ask about me? Oh, He has probably seen the magazines. I know LA gets the same gossip magazines over there, he is probably just checking up on me or something. It's not like he actually cares about me.

"Oh?" I say picking up the spatula and putting it in the sink.

"Yeah, um he wanted to know how you were doing and if you were seeing someone and stuff" 

Cam says, avoiding my eyes as he swings his legs back and forth on the bench.

Why does Harry even care how I'm doing or who I'm seeing? He probably just wants the gossip like everyone else. 

"Yeah? Well what did you tell him?" I ask nonchalantly. 

"Um that you, that you are single and that I'm worried about you again, that all the boys are. Harry saw the magazines too" Cam says.

Of course he did and of course he believed what they said. Now I'm just angry. He wants to clear his conscience by making sure I'm not on drugs because of him or something.

"Yeah? and why the fuck does Harry suddenly care Cam? And why the hell would you tell him that! I told you I'm fine and as my friend I thought you would believe me over a stupid gossip magazine. You all just automatically think the worst of me, even my own brothers" I yell out upset.

"Louis, calm down. I'm sorry I told Harry, he is worried about you. I told you we all are, we want you to be okay" Cam says.

"Well you can all go fuck yourselves and go talk about me behind my back together and leave me the fuck alone to deal with my own life. I don't need you worrying about me,I can sort my own shit out like I have been for the last four years. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself" I yell angrily.

"We know you are Louis, and we are all so proud of what you have achieved over the last four years Lou" Cameron tells me. 

I'm not really listening to Cameron I'm too upset and confused about Harry, I'm upset that Harry thinks it's still his place to worry after he walked away from me.

"What the fuck does Harry care for anyway? What is he going to do from over the other side of the globe huh.....he left me and he has no right to ask how I'm doing" I finish yelling, completely frustrated.

"I understand Lou, I'm sorry I said anything to him but I want you to talk to me please" Cam begs.

"I'm fine Cameron for the 100th time I'm God.Dam.Fucking.Fine" I says looking him straight in the eyes angrily.

"Lou, please bud, don't push me away" Cam says.

"I'm not Cam... What do you want me to tell you? That I'm still in love with Harry? That I miss him? That there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of him? There I've said it!! now what Cameron? What is it going to change? Harry lives in LA, he doesn't want me and even if by some miracle he did, I'm not doing a long distance relationship it's not fair and besides I don't think I could ever trust him to not hurt me again" I tell him. I started off yelling but by the end of my rant I've lowered my voice to a whisper.

"What does it even matter anyway, he made his choice perfectly clear.......Can you just leave me alone please, I want to be alone right now" I say turning my back on him to finish cooking my eggs.

"Louis- Harry, he" 

"No Cam, get out please" I say angrily.

I hear him sigh then jump off the bench and walk towards the door. It opens but before Cam can shut it I yell out to him.

"And when you speak to Harry next you can tell him to fuck off too" I say. As tears prick my eyes and Cameron slams the door.

I don't hear from Cameron for the rest of the afternoon and I go to bed feeling like an absolute ass but I can't help being angry. The boys have every right to be worried but how long are they going to hold it against me for. How long is it going to be before they all trust that I can take care of myself. It's so frustrating.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis POV

 

The next morning I wake up early to begin the drive back home. I skip breakfast knowing I will have to eat this weekend to keep the boys off my back. As much as I'm angry at the boys for worrying and calling Cameron behind my back. I am excited to see Lacey and the twins. I haven't been back home for two months and I miss the kids like crazy. Lacey looks a lot like Liam with big brown eyes and long brown hair. She has Sophia's completion though. When she was born I instantly fell in love with her. I'm not sure why, but we have had this connection since the minute she was born and I held her for the first time. I've always been the youngest of my family and always the one being taken care of and worried about and it was like, when Lacey was born. I finally had someone to look after and worry about. She is like my baby sister and I absolutely love her to death. Don't get me wrong Audrey and Jasper are adorable and I would do anything for them, but Lacey and I share A special code together and I definitely have a soft spot for her. 

The drive is long and even in my comfy Mercedes it seems to take forever, my butt going to sleep. It took me a while before I was able to get behind the wheel of a car again after the car crash, but I overcame that fear with the help of Kimberly. Although letting other people drive me still makes me really nervous. I feel really out of control putting my trust and life in someone else's hands whilst driving. It hasn't really been a problem the last few years though because I usually drive myself anyway.

Finally I arrive in the boys street and see cars everywhere. The party must have already started. I pull up and get out of the car. I'm wearing my black skinny jeans and my tight dark blue and white Leeds Festival T-shirt with my blue Vans and aviators. Liam's house is huge like everyone's on the street, it reminds me of the house we grew up in. I grab my duffel bag out of the boot and head to the front door.

As soon as I walk inside I can hear the chatter and squeals of little kids that is coming from the backyard. I walk through the house and into the kitchen, taking my sunglasses off and putting them over the neck of my shirt. I see Liam and Sophia standing next to the bench, talking to their chief, yes their chief. I laugh at the scene.

"You're getting too lazy in your old age Li, having people cook for you" I joke, as I put my bag down.

I see Liam's head whip up and the stress on his face seems to ease, his lips turn up into a huge smile when he sees me.

"Louis!" He yells.

He walks over to me and engulfs me in a huge hug. I sink into him and hug him back tightly. 

"I've missed you, how have you been?" He asks me. 

"Yeah good, I'm good" I say

He lets me go and holds me at shoulder length, looking me over. I try to hold my insecurities at bay but I feel like I'm under scrutiny. Before Liam can say anything though Sophia is at my side.

"Gosh Lou, looking hot as babe! I've missed you" she says hugging me tightly. 

I've missed Sophia a lot. Since she finished college and moved in permanently with Liam when I left, she has been amazingly supportive. Liam and Sophia are definitely the closest thing to parents I've ever had.

"I've missed you too Soph" I tell her, hugging her. 

Just then Zayn and Andy walk through the back door.

"Louis! Kiddo get over here!" Zayn smiles out.

I walk over and I can tell Zayn is watching my every move observing me, but the smile doesn't leave his face.We hug and his smell engulfs me, I've missed my brothers. Andy pulls me out of Zayn's arms to get his own hug in. 

"My turn!" He declares and we all laugh as he pulls me in close.

"I've missed you guys" I say. 

I then see Perrie and Chloe and the twins and give them big hugs and kisses too. Niall is nowhere to be seen.

"So where is the birthday girl?? There is a lot of people here for a third birthday party" I say smiling.

It suddenly goes quiet. I look around confused, but no one will meet my eyes. Liam breaks the silence.

"There are a lot of colleagues of ours here and the kids from Lacey's preschool class. She has been waiting for you to get here all morning Lou. She got your present this morning and she cried, she absolutely loves it" Liam says smiling and ruffling my hair.

"I'm glad, I would have gotten her a real pony, but I still want Sophia to talk to me" I laugh.

"Yes I'm glad it wasn't a real pony Louis, but thank you for her present she does love it" Sophia says, kissing my cheek.

I smile as we all head out to the back yard, where the party is. The yard is huge with a stone undercover area and a fenced pool to the left, the rest of the yard is flat with green grass and a brown fence surrounding it, there is a jumping castle in the middle and a magician is entertaining some kids. There are so many people here. As I step out behind the boys I catch sight of Lacey coming off the jumping castle. She looks up and our eyes meet.

"UNCLE LOUIS!!!!!!!" She screams at the top of her lungs and the whole party stops at the noise.

The smile on her face is like its Christmas, I can't help but smile back. She runs full speed towards me. Her silver sparkly top shining in the sun as her little legs carry her as fast as they can. I can see the whole party watching us and it makes me uncomfortable but I focus on Lacey. She reaches me and jumps straight into my arms for the biggest hug, she buries her face in my neck and I spin her around smiling. Gosh I've missed her.

"How's my little munchkin I've missed you so much" I say. 

She giggles at me and pulls back to look at me.

"I miss you too!! You got me a pony Unca Lou, I wov her, her name is wosie" she says in a rush.

"I'm so glad you like her munchkin. How's your party are you having fun?" I ask smiling.

"Yea, lots"

"That's awesome Lace, it looks like so much fun!, you go play with your friends and I will come play soon okay" I say.

"You won't go?" She asks.

"No munchkin, I'm staying I promise" I say and I kiss her on the forehead. 

The party goes back to talking and mingling and as I put Lacey down I turn to my right slightly and it's then that I catch a glimpse of brown curls, I take a second glance and it's then that I see him and my breath stops. Harry Styles is staring at me smiling fondly. What the hell is he doing here? I'm staring and I know I am, but I can't look away. His gorgeous curls framing his face are longer than they were. If it's possible he is actually so much hotter, He hasn't changed much in four years, he is still the most gorgeous person I've ever laid eyes on, his green eyes are staring at mine and those dimples......Fuck.

 

Harry's POV

"Niall I really don't know if I should stay, I should drive back to London" I say.

"Harry after last night you are probably still drunk, just stay mate the boys would love to see you" Niall tells me and I sigh.

"Does Louis know I'm even back in the country Niall, will he know I'm here?" I ask.

"No I don't know Harry, but I'm worried about him and so are the boys. Maybe it would be a good thing that he sees you again" Niall says.

"Yeah but probably when he has the choice, if I stay for the party it's like he will be completely blindsided and I don't want to do that too him" I say.

"Look Haz, come say Hi to the boys and if your not comfortable you can leave okay, I promise. We have all missed you, they will want to see you" Niall tells me determinedly.

"Okay, yeah, okay then" I say giving in.

After our night out last night, Niall and I crashed at Liam's for the night. I was planning to sneak out before the party started and head back to London but I guess I should stay and see the rest of the boys, I haven't seen them in four years and I have missed them a lot.

We walk downstairs into Liam's lounge room, all the boys are there and it's like nothing has changed. They great me enthusiastically and I hadn't realise how much I've missed them. 

"Are you staying for the party Haz?" Liam asks.

"I'm not too sure Li, um Lou doesn't know I'm even back yet" I say.

"Well he is going to find out at some point mate, better to do it when we are all around so we can be here and support him" Andy says.

He makes a good point. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair.

"Yeah Harry, you're back permanently now and you will be around a lot more, you share the same group of friends, Louis knows this" Zayn says.

"Yeah but no one has told him I'm back, what if he doesn't want anything to do with me?" I ask.

"Haz, I know he is going to be upset and angry but I think it will be good for him to see you" Liam says.

"Well Cameron thinks otherwise, thinks it might be detrimental and cause him to go backwards, that's the last thing I want. I don't want to hurt him again" I say.

"Well, as much as I don't want Louis to go backwards, he has come such a long way over the last four years and I'd like to think he can handle it. It's going to be hard, but he has to deal with it" Andy says.

"I... Want to try...." I sigh, " I....miss him" I say looking down.

"Well, I really hope he lets you in Haz, I'm not one to read and believe the gossip magazines but Cameron has noticed a few of Louis old behaviours coming through again and it would be good if he had you again" Zayn says.

"I want to be there for him again Zayn, I do...I still love him and I want to fix what I broke" I tell them sincerely.

"You don't have to convince us Haz" Liam says smiling.

"Now stay for the party okay" Niall says.

"Are you sure? I'm not outstaying my welcome am I?" I ask.

"No way Haz you are still family no matter what mate, come on let me introduce you to some people" Liam says. 

We all head outside and the guests are just starting to arrive. I meet Liam's daughter and she is the most gorgeous little girl, I instantly fall in love with her. 

Niall and I hang around outside and I can't help but be nervous knowing that Louis will be turning up soon. I have butterfly's in my stomach and I nervously keep running my hand through my hair. How will he react when he sees me? Will he even want anything to do with me? I will be gutted if he tells me he never wants to see me again. I know I hurt him. I may be staying for selfish reasons too I just really just want to see him again, what I wouldn't give to hold him again. I try to make conversation with a few of Liam's colleagues to keep my mind off things. Suddenly we hear a very very loud screaming Lacey.

"UNCLE LOUIS!!!!" She yells.

My head whips around instantly and I'm met with the most amazing sight. There he is, the most beautiful boy I have ever laid eyes on. He is looking every bit a model and is amazingly hot. He is tiny and skinny but just stunning. His hair is quaffed across his forehead and the smile on his face when he picks Lacey up sends my heart into overdrive. He seems a lot more confident in himself but I can tell he is still insecure and that he is having trouble with everyone looking at him. 

He puts Lacey down and as he does he sees me and I can't help the smile I give him. His blue eyes are looking at me and I can't tell the emotion behind them. He is gorgeous and I want him so so badly. We stare at each other for a while before suddenly, he breaks the eye contact and hurries back inside the house, I debate what to do but I end up following him back inside. The boys all watching us intently.

Louis POV

As I'm staring at Harry, I realise just how much I've missed him. I can't believe he is standing in front of me. He looks amazing in his tight black jeans and open collared blue shirt, tattoos on full display. When he smiles at me I can't help it when my breath hitches, I can't do this, I just can't do this. I feel all my emotions rush back to me and I can't take it. I need to get out of here. As I break our eye contact and turn to leave I can see the boys watching me. They knew Harry was going to be here and they didn't tell me. Why would they think that that's ok? I feel betrayed by my own brothers. I hurry through the house and I'm nearly at the front door when the soft low drawl of his voice sends shivers down my spine and I stop.

"Louis" he calls.

I have my back to him, too scared to turn around as my breathing becomes ragged. Run, I'm telling myself to run but my legs won't work. Tears prick my eyes and I feel like I want to loose it.

"Louis, please....don't run" he says as he gets closer to me.

How did he know I was going to run, he knows me still after four years, he knows me and I hate him for it. I can feel him behind me and I can feel the other boys have also entered the room. Harry reaches out and touches my shoulder, the tingles his touch gives me is just too overwhelming. I can smell him and he smells like home and safety and I would give anything to just fall into his arms but i can't. He left me, he broke me at the time I needed him. He doesn't want me, he will never want me.

"Don't.....please don't ......don't touch me" I say. My breathing picking up.

Good one Louis just have a panic attack right in front of Doctor Harry Styles the first time you see him in four years. What a pathetic weak fuck up you are. 

"Louis!" Zayn calls and is over next to me In a second, standing in front of me. "Just breathe Kid"

"Don't Zayn. I'm.....I'm fine I-I-I don't need you, I can handle it myself just, just give me space please" I say back.

Zayn backs off and I stand there calming myself down. 

"Why didn't you tell me he was going to be here?" I ask the room. 

I close my eyes as I wait for the answer. 

"We knew you wouldn't come Lou and we thought it might be a good thing for you and Harry to see each other again" Niall says.

"Why? Why the fuck would you think it was a good idea?" I yell.

"Louis, please.....please just look at me Lou" Harry begs me.

I can't, I really can't turn and look at him or I will really really break. I've pushed my feelings aside for so long and if I look at Harry I don't know what will happen. 

"No, I can't I just.... Fuck please just, leave me be just......why are you here? Why now?" I find myself asking frustratedly.

"I'm back....in, in London. I have a job at a hospital and I'm back for good now" He tells me and I sense hopefulness in his tone.

Shit, he is back for good and I don't know what to do now. How am I supposed to see him all the time and not feel anything.

"I wanted to see you, I wanted to tell you how sorry I was Louis, I miss you so much" Harry starts but I cut him off and turn around to face him.

I stop breathing when I meet his eyes. His soft green beautiful eyes. 

"Don't you fucking dare tell me you missed me. You are the one who left, who left me, who hasn't even bothered to call me for the last four years. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel. I tried to call you, but of course you changed your number so I gave up. I pushed you too the furtherest part of my soul so I could bare to look at myself again because I was so fucked up that you needed to leave me, so I could bare to get up every morning and somehow be ok, so I could try and build myself a life without you. Now you're here! After four God dam years Harry and you tell me you miss me? You don't give a shit about me Harry. If you did you would have stayed or at least tried to be with me, even called but you didn't. You can go and fuck yourself for all I care, I'm done and I'll be dammed if I break again because of you" I say. 

The room is silent apart from my heavy breathing. 

"Louis...I'm so so so fucking sorry, please just can we talk, just you and me please. Niall and I are staying until tomorrow, can we just talk please" Harry begs me moving forward.

Instinctively I move backwards quickly, trying to get away from him, he can't touch me again, I'll break. Zayn in behind me and as I walk backwards my back hits his chest. His arms wrap around me and his voice is in my ear.

"Just calm down Kid" he says tightening his grip on me.

"No" I yell and I struggle in his arms, 

"Shhhh Lou, it's ok" He tells me. 

I close my eyes and push out of his arms.

"Just fucking leave me alone. You are my brothers and you went behind my back. Fuck, you always go behind my back. I'm done. I'm going to spend time with Lacey because she is who I'm here for but then I'm gone. I just can't fucking believe you guys" I yell. 

I dodge Harry and I go back outside to the party. I'm so angry, hurt and upset but this is Lacey's day and I need to pull it together for her. I find Lacey on the jumping castle and I spend the afternoon with her, she takes my mind off things and a certain curly haired boy, we play on the jumping castle and I help her open all her presents. I don't look at nor do I speak to any of the boys for the rest of the afternoon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter is important and significant for Harry.

Louis POV

When all the party guests leave, Lacey and I play tea party's in her room and I read her a few stories. When Sophia comes in to take her for a bath and get ready for dinner and bed she doesn't let me go.

"No mummy, I want to stay with Unca Lou!!!" She yells.

"I know Lace, let's go have a bath and then you can come back and play I promise" Sophia tells her.

"Don't leave Unca Lou!" Lacey turns to me and says.

"I tell you what, you go and have a bath and I will go and have a shower and then when we are both in our pajamas, we can play some more before bed okay" I tell her.

"Okay, I wuv you" she says hugging me, she then turns and waddles off with Soph to have a bath.

I walk out of her bedroom and up the stairs to where the guest rooms are. Harry is staying in the room across from me. I'm going to leave after dinner and I won't tell Lacey or the boys. I can't stay here, I need to be as far from Harry as possible! It hurts too much. 

I go straight and have a shower, so may emotions swirling around in my head. I miss Harry so much but I'm so angry at the boys and at him, I just don't understand why they did what they did. I take a while in the shower, I don't want to face everyone again I just want to go home, but I can't do that to Lacey, I have to wait until she is asleep and then I will leave. I get out of the shower and change into my comfy grey sweatpants and a baby blue T-Shirt, at least I'll be comfortable for the long drive home. When I finish my shower I go to find Lacey. She is in the kitchen with everyone at the dining table and she is sitting on Harry's knee, I can't help but be jealous that she has taken such a liking to Harry.

Dinner is being served, homemade pizzas and everyone is digging in eagerly. I try and sneak out of the kitchen, maybe I can sneak to my car and go before anyone notices me. Lacey looks content with Harry and I don't want to interrupt them. The way he smiles at her melts my heart and I don't want to see that, my heart can't handle it. Before I leave though, Zayn spots me.

"Come eat Lou" he says and I know he has said it on purpose, so I can't leave. 

Lacey and Harry both turn around at the sound of my name.

"Unca Lou come sit next to me" Lacey says. 

I smile at her and sit down at the table in the seat next to her and Harry. Liam puts two pieces of pizza on a plate in front of me. I really don't want to eat this. I'm sat staring at my plate and I miss the looks the boys give each other. 

"You not like pizza Unca Lou?" Lacey asks me.

I pull my thoughts together and turn to smile at her. I didn't realise I was staring for so long at the disgusting meal in front of me.

"I love pizza Lace, one of my favourites" I say picking up one of the pieces and slowly taking a bite. 

Lacey smiles at me and turns back to her plate. She leans back into Harry who snuggles her close. Of course Lacey would like Harry, why wouldn't she love with the most perfect human being in the world. I sigh and keep my eyes on my plate. I can feel everyone's eyes on me and I fucking just can't wait to get out of here. I finish one piece of pizza and get up to leave the table.

"Where are you going Lou?" Andy asks trying to sound casual. 

I put my plate in the sink and turn around glaring at him.

"Are you serious right now?" I ask completely dumbstruck.

Sophia takes Lacey from Harry sensing a confrontation and goes to sit in the lounge room with her. Perrie and Chloe follow suit giving us some privacy.

"You know the rules Kid" Zayn says to me.

"I haven't thrown up my food in three and a half years and you're serious right now?" I ask heatedly.

"I'm sorry Lou, but we aren't convinced that you won't go and do it" Liam says matter of factly.

"So you don't trust me? You believe those stupid gossip magazines over your own brother? I'm not 17 anymore, You aren't my legal guardians anymore" I say upset.

"My house, My rules Louis" Liam says heatedly.

"And no, it's not just the magazines Louis we have all noticed other signs okay, can you please just sit back down with us?" Andy asks.

"You are un fucking believable" I say.

I push myself up off the sink and walk towards the door to go to the lounge room.

"Louis William Tomlinson if you walk out that door I will pick up that phone and call Kimberly right now" Liam says in his stern dad voice that I haven't heard in years.

I stop on my tracks. Fuck, if he calls Kimberly my sessions will be upped and I will have to do damage control which is so exhausting. I can't believe he is using her against me. I turn around and glare at him.

"Just calm down and come and sit with us Louis, if there is nothing for us to worry about then come and show us, sit down for another 10 minutes please" Niall asks me slightly begging.

"Whatever" I say crossly.

I go and take the seat next to Harry and sit down. The boys get to cleaning up dinner while I sit like a good little boy in my chair. I feel so stupid. Don't they realise I live on my own, that as soon as I get home if I wanted to throw up my food I could and they couldn't do anything. I'm brought out of my thoughts by Harry's voice. It still gives me goosebumps.

"They are just worried Lou" Harry tells me.

"Just like you huh Harry?" I ask sarcastically. 

"Louis, you mean so much to me, of course I'm worried" he replies.

"Yeah well trust me, there is nothing worth worrying about and I'll be gone in the morning and you won't have to worry anymore, don't have to spare me another thought" I say quietly looking at my lap, playing with the thread of my sweatpants.

"Is that what you think I want Lou?" Harry's asks me incredulously.

I look up and meet his eyes. The warmth I used to see is still there, I can see and sense the sincerity in his words but I just can't believe them. He left me for a reason why would that reason have changed. He doesn't love me or want me. It's never going to change, I need to just fucking accept it.

"Well I know you don't want me" I whisper out. 

Before Harry can say anything Zayn is talking to me.

"Times up Louis" Zayn tells me. 

"Well I'm just going to the bathroom then" I say. and the boys stop everything and stare at me.

"Louis!" Liam warns.

"What?" I asks sassily rolling my eyes. "You guys are ridiculous I was just bloody joking, I'm going to find Lacey" I snark out.

I walk out of the kitchen and I stay behind the wall and listen to see if they discuss me and like always, I'm not disappointed.

"Well he sat down the entire time, wasn't fidgeting and didn't seem nervous" Niall says.

"Yeah but what about when Kimberly was mentioned?" Andy says.

"And he looked at the pizza like he wanted to murder it" Zayn says.

"Guys, I don't think he is throwing up his food. Restricting maybe but he isn't throwing up" Harry says to everyone which surprises me.

"Have you not seen how thin he is?" Zayn asks.

"Louis has always been thin" Harry says.

"I don't know, we aren't around to keep an eye on him anymore. We have to trust that he can look after himself. Keep him close and keep looking for signs of relapse" Andy says.

Ugh I can't hear anymore. I push myself off the wall and walk in to the Lounge room. I find Lacey watching a show on the TV by herself. I lie down on my back on the couch opposite Lacey. When she sees me she gets up and comes over to me, she crawls up and snuggles into me on top of my chest her head in my neck. She starts sucking her thumb and starts nodding off. I stroke my fingers through her hair as her breathing starts to even out.

"I lub you Unca Lou" She says. 

Tears prick my eyes. I'm leaving as soon as she falls asleep and I don't have the heart to tell her. She will be devastated when she finds out I've left, I know the look she will have on her face and it breaks my heart. I can't stay though I feel suffocated and like I can't breathe. I feel judged and scrutinised and I feel like I'm going to explode. I close my eyes to try and relax and I feel myself slipping into sleep. I try to keep myself awake but as Lacey's breaths even out the more content I feel and before I can stop myself I'm fast sleep.

Harry's POV.

I walk into the Lounge room to find Louis and see if I can talk to him alone. What I find when I walk in though captures my heart. Lacey is curled up on Louis chest and they are both asleep. I can't get over how much I actually adore this boy in front of me. I was so stupid, to think that I was actually happy with David was just pathetic. Louis is the love of my life, he is who I belong with and I will stop at nothing to get him back. I don't know if Louis has been with anyone else in the last four years. I would be insanely jealous if anyone else has touched him. I know that's hypocritical of me but I can't help it. David was my way of trying to move on without Louis. He was comfortable and I cared about him and I truly thought I loved him but, I wasn't in love with him and I know it's absolutely true now after seeing Louis again. I sit on the coffee table in front of the couch and I must look quite creepy just staring at Louis. I reach out and brush his fringe out of his eyes. Zayn, Andy,Liam and Niall walk into the room. 

"Looking a little creepy there H" Andy tells me smiling fondly at me.

"I know, I can't help it" I say back.

"Well I better get this young lady into bed" Liam says. 

He goes to take Lacey from Louis but she latches on. Finally Liam manages to get her free and he carries her upstairs.

The rest of the boys look towards me as if expecting me to carry Louis up to bed.

"Go on H we know you want to" Zayn smiles.

I look back at a sleepy Louis. I do, I really really do want to pick him up but I'm torn. He doesn't want me near him.

"It's okay Harry" Andy tells me. I look into his eyes for a few seconds just to make sure.

I sigh and turn back around to Louis. I put one hand under Louis knees and the other under his shoulders and I bring him into my arms. He is so light and tiny and fits against me so perfectly. He snuggles into my his head in my neck and I melt. He smells amazing and I never want to let him go. My arms belong around him. I walk with him up to the spare room slower than normal so I can cherish this moment for a little longer and I tuck him into bed tightly. He seems to shiver when I put him down. As much as I want to curl up with him in bed I know I can't and I have to tear myself away from him, but not before I leave a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

I head back to my room alone and I strip down for bed. I hop under the covers but I can't sleep, I can't switch off. Seeing Louis again just set so many emotions off, so many emotions that I thought I had pushed away. I have never stopped loving Louis and I never wanted to move on but for the sake of both of us I tried. I thought Louis would do the same. I try not to think too much about the past. My future is what I need to focus on, I've got the job of my dreams and I want Louis by my side for the rest of my life. I decide here and now that I will stop at nothing to get him back and to show him how sorry I am and that I will always keep him and his heart safe. 

I don't remember falling asleep but I'm woken to yelling, I Immediately know it's Louis. I'm out of my bed before I can fully comprehend what I'm doing and I'm racing down the hall towards his room. I rush in and I'm met with Liam and Niall crowded around Louis. He is sitting up gasping for air. He must have had a nightmare. He is awake, but not with it and he is having a panic attack. 

"Try and calm down bud" Liam is telling him.

"It was a bad dream Louis you are safe" Niall says.

Louis isn't responding though and it may be crossing the line and Louis may hate me right now but I need to help him. Liam and Niall are looking at me helplessly.

"It's ok I've got him" I say to them both.

I move over to the queen size bed and hesitantly get in behind a gasping Louis. 

"It's ok Lou, I'm here you're safe" I tell him.

I pull him back against my chest and put my arms around him. 

"Just relax, I've got you" I say.

Liam and Niall leave the room, giving us some space. Louis is still struggling to come down from his attack and his breaths are still raged.

 

"Lou, baby shhhhhhh Just breathe baby" I tell him. The pet name falling from my mouth shamelessly. 

Louis begins to relax against me and I tighten my arms around him. His breathing soon evens out completely and he passes out from exhaustion. As selfish as it is, I'm so happy I was able to calm Louis down, that he responded to me and only me.i know he still loves me deep down I know it even if he won't admit it, this just proves he and I are still connected. I don't want to let Louis go, so I don't. I fall asleep with him in my arms for the first time in four years and I know I will never be able to fall asleep happily ever again unless Louis is falling asleep in my arms as well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter because I love you all xo

Louis POV

I wake up and I'm hot, too hot. As I come to my senses I realise I'm not alone in the bed. That I'm in someone's arms, against someone's chest. Harry's smell is everywhere and his arms are so warm and safe I know it's him before I even open my eyes. Last night comes rushing back to me. I fell asleep with Lacey when I was meant to drive home. Dam it, I then remember my dream. Harry was in a car crash and he died right in front of my eyes. Why the hell did I dream that and why did it affect me so much? Harry calming me down comes back to me as well as the stupid panic attack I had. I can't deny having Harry here and being in his arms last night was what I needed. I felt so safe and when he called me baby, the pet name he always called me when we were together I instantly relaxed. I missed being in his arms, his tight hold on me so comforting. God I miss him, but I can't have him and I can't face him again in the light of day it's all too much. I remember the boys last night suffocating me, it's like they are trying to force Harry on me and I hate it. Don't they understand Harry made his choice when he left, it's like they are trying to blame the whole thing on me, like its my fault he left and I should be quick to welcome him back with open arms. Don't they remember how hurt I was? They seem to think Harry was my saviour and they think I'm going off the track again and I need Harry to bring me back. They can all go fuck themselves, it makes me so angry. I'm in control of my own life not them. I can't take being here anymore. Before I can change my mind I'm slowly getting up off the bed, trying not to wake Harry. He stirs but rolls over. I look towards his gorgeous sleeping form. I ache to be in his arms but I'll deny myself that pleasure for eternity if it means Harry is happier and has a much better life like he wanted, without me. I sigh. I grab my bag from the corner. The clock says 4am. I sneak out of the room and out of the house and into my car and I start the long drive back to London alone. So many emotions and feelings swirling around my head I don't even know where to begin to sort them out. 

The next two days are spent ignoring calls from the boys and it works until Cameron turns up on my doorstep on Tuesday morning.

"Hi" He says.

"Hey" I reply looking down at the floor.

"Can I come in?" He asks. 

I sigh.

"Not if you are going to treat me like a child and like I can't look after myself" I say back.

"Lou, I'm sorry ok. I was just worried, but you are right I should trust you and I'm sorry" He says.

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have yelled at you and gotten so angry" I say.

Cameron smiles at me and we share a hug in the doorway. We walk back Into the apartment and to the Lounge room where I was camped out watching TV under a blanket, drinking some tea. 

"So, how was the party on the weekend?" Cam asks

I sigh and explain everything,I delve into the story of Harry and the boys and how I left without a goodbye.

"I've been avoiding the boys calls" I tell him.

"I know, they call me too you know" Cam laughs "I told them you were fine though just working heaps" he finishes.

"Thanks Cam" I say smiling. 

"You should call them though Lou" he says.

"I know I will..... just later okay" I respond.

Cameron nods at me.

"I don't mean to kick you out but I've got to go get ready. I have a photo shoot today for H&K, to start the campaign" I tell him.

"Awesome Lou, we'll have a great day okay, see you later lets go out for a drink tomorrow night?" He asks.

"Yeah sounds great!" I reply. 

He leaves and I go to get ready for my shoot. 

When I turn up at the shoot I'm greeted and taken straight to hair and makeup. I'm fussed all over and constantly asked if I need anything and if I'm hungry or thirsty. I politely decline everything. I'm given my first outfit to change into, a black suit and tie with a white undershirt. After I've changed I'm taken into the studio.

"Alright Louis I would like you to meet our photographer for our campaign, you will be working really close with him, this is Zach" Laura the head of H&K introduces me. 

When I look towards Zach I Immediately acknowledge how good looking he is. He is tall and muscly with short brown hair. He looks more like a model in my opinion than I do. He has a very warm smile and I relax around him instantly, I feel comfortable. 

"Hey there Louis, I've heard a lot of great things about you mate, really looking forward to working with you!" Zach says.

"Likewise, I really hope I don't disappoint" I say smiling as we shake hands.

"I doubt it, if your other photo's I've seen are anything to go by" he smiles. 

Zach looks about mid 30's, he is confident and takes control of the shoot Immediately.

"Alright Louis show me what you got" Zach winks when I'm standing in position ready to shoot.

I go for it. I give everything I have to this shoot and campaign hoping I impress. Zach is shamelessly flirting with me the whole time but he makes me laugh and we have a good banter. 

Four hours and nine outfits later, it's time for me to take my shirt off and pose in my underwear. I'm standing in my outfit with my robe around me when I'm asked to drop it. I hesitate, I don't want to look fat. I drop my robe and hand it off to the side. I'm wearing black briefs with a white elastic on the top with H&K written in black the whole way around. At least I'm tanned is all I keep thinking to myself. I do a lot of ab work in the gym so I have abs but I really don't think or see how I'm anything special. Zach seems happy though and even winks at me a few times. An hour later and the shoot is finished and I go to get changed in my black skinny jeans and my grey jumper. As I'm packing up to leave Zach approaches me.

"Louis, that was fantastic mate, we got some amazing shots. You are very very talented, the camera loves you. I could shoot you for hours" he says to me. 

I can't help but blush and look down as I place my wallet and phone in my back pocket. 

"Um thanks" I say shyly.

"It's true Louis, I don't think you took a bad photo" he says.

"Well that's because your such a great photographer, nothing to do with me" I smile.

"Oh, so he's gorgeous and modest, my type of guy" Zach flirts with a wink. 

I can't help but smile at him. It's nice to be complemented, especially by such an amazing industry photographer.

"Listen Lou, there is a bunch of us going out to club 49 tonight, would you like to come? Celebrate an amazing shoot?" Zach asks me.

I hesitate, I haven't really been asked out by another guy before, besides Harry. Zach seems really nice though and I need to make a good impression.

"Sure um, I would love too" I say.

"Great, how bout I pick you up from yours at 8?" He says.

Shit, then he will know where I live and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. Also that means I won't be driving. I don't want to seem like a looser though and I need this campaign to go well and I need Zach to tell everyone how good I am to work with, so I reluctantly agree. We exchange numbers and I give him my address. We part ways and I can't help but be nervous the entire way home.

When I get home it's 5:30pm I decide I will skip dinner so as I look better in my outfit tonight. When I'm trying to decide what to wear my phone starts ringing, an unknown number flashes across the screen. Thinking it could be my agent or a client I answer. 

"Hello?" I say.

"Lou?" Harry's deep voice asks.

"Ha-Harry?" I ask surprised.

"Yeah Lou it's me, I got your number from Niall" he says.

"Of course you did" I whisper out.

"Lou, I just please, can we talk. I woke up Sunday morning and you were gone and I just want to talk please" Harry asks.

I sigh. It would probably be best to get the torture over and done with, so we can both move on. 

"Okay" I say.

"Okay?" He asks surprised.

"Yeah I'll talk to you Harry. I'll let you say what ever you feel you need to okay, just...not tonight I'm going out" I tell him.

"Out? Like on, like on a date?" He asks and his tone sounds panicked.

"Well um I dunno, not really just to a club with some people really" I say.

It's not like I should be feeling guilty but I do. Harry left me though and I'm allowed to go out and have fun.

"Look Harry tomorrow, I will talk to you tomorrow, just message me a time and place and I'll be there" I say.

"Okay that would be great Lou, I'll message you and thank you" Harry says sincerely.

"Okay... bye Harry" I say quietly.

"Bye Lou" he replies and we hang up.

Part of me really wants to hear what Harry has to say but the other part of me just doesn't want to be disappointed and I don't want to open old wounds. If I didn't agree though Harry would keep hounding me and if I ever want to be able to move on properly I guess I need proper closure.

I try and push my conversation with Harry aside and concentrate on my night ahead. I decide to wear a pair of Black skinnies and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows with my black and white Vans. I'm just finishing my messy fringed hair in the bathroom when I hear a knock at the door. 

When I answer the door I'm met with a very good looking Zach in tight blue jeans and an olive green button up. He smiles at me when he sees me.

"You look amazing Louis" he says.

"Thanks, you too" I say shyly. He just smiles at me.

"Should we go? " he asks me.

"Yeah, I'll just grab my wallet" I say as I reach inside and put my wallet and phone in my back pocket.

I close the door behind us and lock it, I slip the key in my back pocket and we begin walking down the hallway. Zach puts his arm around my waist. I flinch at first then relax into him. When we are nearing the lifts the doors open letting two people off and I make eye contact with one of them, it's fucking Harry. He is in his hospital scrubs and must have just finished work. 

"Lou?" Harry asks and I see him look at Zach's arm around my waist and back to Zach. He gives him the biggest death glare around.

"Harry? What are you doing here? How did you know where I lived" I ask.

"Um I didn't, I um I live here too.. on this floor. I didn't know you lived here too" he says back.

He keeps looking at Zach's hand around my waist and he looks livid. 

"Yeah I'm number 28" I say quietly.

"I'm in 30" he says. 

"I'm Zach by the way, nice to meet you" Zach says reaching out to shake Harry's hand.

"Harry" Harry replies coldly, he looks disgusted to have to shake Zach's hand.

"Well we better get going we're running late" Zach says glaring back at Harry.

"Um sure, be um, be careful Lou" Harry whispers to me so only I can hear, his eyes are pleading with me.

I just smile and Zach and I walk into the lift. As the doors close I watch Harry's face and he looks ready to murder someone. 

"Wow he seems like and arrogant asshole" Zach says. 

"Um, he's okay" I reply.

Zach smiles at me and pulls my closer to his side tightening his grip on me.

"We are going to have an awesome night Lou" he says into my ear. 

I smile but inside I feel uneasy. I'm not sure I agree and I'm a little bit nervous to be going to the club with Zach.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis POV

 

The club is packed when we get there. Sweaty bodies everywhere, we walk straight pass the lineup and through security. Zach exchanges something with one of the guards for money and I try not to listen. It's quite a Prestiege looking club and I see a few familiar faces from the industry when we enter. 

Zach has booked out a booth and he leads me up to the VIP area where there are two girls and three guys sitting at a booth. He introduces me to everyone and goes to get us some drinks. I sit down in the booth and I see them all eye me and look me up and down, the guys look like they want to eat me. I'm slightly uncomfortable but they all start talking to me and I relax, they are actually really nice. I find out the two girls are named Ruby and Paige, they are swimsuit models and they are really pretty of course, but a little on the rough side. They are also both older than me by four years. The three guys Noah,Nathan and Aiden are all the same age as Zach, 36 and they all seem a bit shady. They are photographers as well. Noah and Aiden work with Swimsuit models while Nathan is more high fashion like Zach. 

Zach comes back to the table and hands me a drink. I'm not sure what it is vodka and something but it's really strong. I thank him anyway and we all start talking again.

"So Louis, I've seen you around a bit you're making quite a name for yourself" Noah says to me.

"Um yeah I guess" I say and shrug my shoulders.

"He's a hottie Zach, you're lucky to work with him" Nathan says.

"He sure is, fucking amazing on camera too" Zach says looking at me and placing his arm around my waist.

"I bet he is with an ass like his" Aiden says. 

I can't help feeling so insecure at that comment, my ass isn't big by any means but it is still round. And looks amazing in underwear apparently. 

"Fuck yeah!" Zach says turning to me and winking.

We go on to talking and drinking and soon I'm really quite drunk. Zach has become more handsy, running his hands up and down my side and resting his hand on me thigh, getting higher and higher as the night goes on. Soon he asks me to dance, normally I would say no, but I'm not used to drinking so much and I'm not thinking straight so I agree. We start dancing together and soon Zach is behind me bringing me against his chest and we start grinding on the dance floor. 

"You are so hot Louis" Zach whispers into my ear.

It sends shivers down my body, I'm not sure if they are good or bad shivers though. He holds me tight against him and I can't help but like the attention. He is older and knows what he wants, he isn't Harry but I have to get over Harry. I need to remember Harry doesn't and never will want me, so I try to block him and his gorgeous curls and face out and focus on Zach. 

"God Louis you are making me so hard" Zach tells me.

I gasp and look back at him, he is smirking at me. His hands start to travel up my body and I start to get uncomfortable, my head is foggy from the alcohol though, he starts nibbling on my neck and It actually feels good. I can feel his semi hard on grinding into my butt and I can't help but push back on it, I'm surprised by my movements. suddenly though, Zach spins me around so we are facing each other. 

"Hey, I've got a present for you Lou, do you want to try it" he asks me sexily.

"Umm I-I-I dunno, what, what is it?" I ask slurring my words as I try to sound coherent.

"Stick out your tongue babe" he tells me.

I do as I'm told and he places something on my tongue and it dissolves instantly. We go back to dancing and grinding and after a few minutes I start to feel really floaty and absolutely amazing. I feel confident and like I could dance and drink all night. 

Zach grabs my arm and we go to get more drinks. I can't believe how amazing I feel, I never want this feeling to stop. Zach doesn't leave my side the whole night, he buys me drinks and keeps his arm around me. We dance dirtily but that's as far as things go. I'm having am amazing night. Soon though I can feel myself coming down from my high and I begin to feel weird and a little sick. We head back to the booth from the dance floor to where, Noah, Aiden and Nathan are sitting.

"You guys need to get a room" Noah laughs out when we sit down.

Zach laughs back at him. I think I need to go home I feel really weird.

"You okay there Louis?" Nathan asks.

I don't respond just look at them.

"How much did you give him Zach?" Aiden asks.

"A whole wafer" Zach says.

"Shit man, he is fucking tiny, dunno if that was a good idea" Noah laughs out.

"Yeah, he looks fucked up Zach" Aiden says.

"Come on babe, time to get you home I think, hey" Zach tells me, realising that I am a bit out of it.

"I'm okay, just feel weird" I say.

"Have you ever done drugs before Louis?" Noah asks me seriously.

"Nah, nope.... but I want to do it again I felt amazing"

Zach and his friends laugh at me.

"Fuck he is cute Zach" Aiden says.

"I know, I know, he is only 21 after all " Zach laughs out.

"Ooh you cradle snatcher Zachy! Way to score man" Nathan says and they high five.

"I think I'm going to take him home though okay" Zach tells the guys.

"Yeah no worries mate, bring him out again soon though hey and maybe just a half a one next time" Nathan tells Zach.

Zach just nods and leads me towards the exit and into a cab. He gives the driver my address and I'm really starting to feel like shit so I lean my head against the cab window.

"Are you okay Louis" Zach asks me on our way back to my place.

"Yeah, I um think so, I just feel really sick" I say.

"Shit, maybe I did give you to much" Zach says sounding a little worried.

"No, no I can handle it, I promise" I say back. My head feels cloudy and the cab seems to be spinning though.

"I don't doubt you can handle it Louis, I just should've given you a half on your first time" Zach tells me. 

We pull up at my place and Zach helps me out of the cab. I'm actually having trouble walking straight. Zach helps me walk to the lift and he guides me down my hallway with his arm around my waist when we get to my floor.

When we reach my door I accidentally trip and bang into the door loudly. 

"Shit Louis" Zach says laughing a little.

"Where is your key babe?" He asks me.

"Um, pocket I think" I say. I must sound like such a looser.

"You still okay there Louis?, still with me?" Zach asks.

"Yea" is all I can say as I rest my head on the door.

I hear Zach laugh again at me, oh this is embarrassing. I know I'm about to be sick and I'm just about to reach in and find my key in my pocket, when the door to number 30 opens.

"Louis?, what the fuck?" Harry says into the hallway, he is by my side Immediately. Dressed in his blue pyjama pants and of course no shirt, that's so Harry. His muscles and tattoos on full display and if I wasn't so fucked up I would be completely perving on him.

Harry glares at Zach and then turns to me, cupping my face with his large hands. They feel so nice and cool against my hot skin.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks me.

I can see two of Harry and the room is spinning and I'm definitely not okay but I can't answer.

"He is fine mate, just needs to sleep it off" Zach tells Harry.

Harry is looking into my eyes intently as if sensing something else other than being drunk is wrong, he is assessing my reactions or something. He then turns to Zach quickly.

"What the fuck did you give him?" Harry asks angrily.

"Nothing mate, he is fine, chill the fuck out" Zach tells Harry, getting defensive.

"I will not chill the fuck out, now tell me what the fuck you gave him before I have you arrested for spiking his drink or something" Harry yells.

"Jesus, back off mate. Louis is a grown adult and he can do and take whatever the fuck he likes" Zach yells back. 

"Get the fuck away from him before I call the police" Harry barks back through gritted teeth.

"Calm the piss down, I'm going okay" Zach says. He turns to me with a smirk.

"See you soon babe" he says and he kisses me on the cheek and walks down the hall.

Harry glares and watches him leave like he wants to knock him for six, when the lift doors shut with Zach inside he turns to look at me.

"Are you okay?" He asks me again. 

I can't talk all I can do is lean on my door. I shake my head no.

"Okay tell me what you have had tonight? What that fuckhead gave you" Harry says and I can sense he is really pissed off. 

I look up into his eyes upset, I don't want him to be angry at me, I have no idea why I actually care what Harry thinks of me, but I'm not thinking straight and can't work out my emotions right now.

"I'm not mad Lou, I just need to know so I can help you okay" he says gently as he cups my cheek again.

"I had drinks.... lots of them" I say quietly.

"Did Zach give you anything else Lou, a drug or something?" he asks concerned.

"Yeah.....on my tongue" I slur out.

"Shit" I hear Harry say.

"Okay come on you are coming to my place, I need to watch you and make sure you are okay" Harry says. 

Before I can protest I'm being hauled into his arms and into his apartment. It's the same layout as mine but it's more homey and smells just like Harry. Harry takes me into his room and somehow manages to strip me and change me into his sweats and T-shirt, they are miles too big but I'm so comfy. I feel like shit and I really feel like I'm going to spew. Harry goes to the kitchen to grab me some water, when he leaves I try to sit up but the room is spinning far to much.

"Harry" I say.

"Yeah Lou, I'm right here, are you ok?" He asks concerned as he walks back into the room.

"I'm gunna spew" I say.

"Okay, it's okay, I'm going to take you to the bathroom okay" he says.

I nod my head as best I can.

Harry brings me into the bathroom and to the toilet just in time and I'm spewing my guts up completely and I don't stop.

"It's okay, your okay" Harry keeps repeating. 

He gets up to leave the bathroom and I panic.

"Don't leave me, please Harry don't leave me" I whimper. 

"Never Lou, never baby, I'm just going to get a cold washer okay" he tells me. And I nod relieved.

It turns out I'm in Harry's toilet with Harry rubbing my back for five hours straight. Harry keeps a wet washer on my head and back and makes me sip some Gatorade in between spews. I feel differently than I do when I make myself spew, this is uncontrolled and its violent, it just keeps coming and it's scary.

"Fuck Louis, this is not good, I think you have had a reaction to the drug they slipped you" Harry says. 

I groan in response, I felt so good when I was on it though. It's just the comedown from it that sucks.

"I'm okay" I say before I'm spewing again.

"Listen, if you haven't stopped spewing by 9am I'm taking you into the hospital okay" he tells me as he wets the washer and places it on my head again. 

"No, I'm fine I promise I just...." I start before I'm dry retching again, fuck I feel really bad.

"Louis, I'm the Doctor here and I really want to take you in" Harry tells me.

"No, please if you do and the paps see me....I can't please, your a Doctor so you can look after me here" I slur out leaning back into Harry's chest as he continues to wipe the cool washer over my hot body.

Thankfully I stop spewing at 8:30am and Harry carries me back to his bed. I pass out before my head even hits the pillow.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis POV

I wake up at 9pm the next night and I still feel like shit. Like I could sleep for hours more. I know I'm in Harry's bed, his smell is everywhere. I don't remember much that happened after we left the club. I lie awake for a while before I decide I better get the confrontation with Harry over and done with. I walk out and find him still in his pyjamas with no shirt on, watching TV on the couch. He notices me as soon as I walk into the room.

"Lou" he says and his tone is worried.

"Hi" I say, my voice is raspy.

I stop in the doorway and look down ashamed.

"How are you feeling?" He asks and he pats the spot next to him on the couch.

I hesitate but walk over and sit down beside him.

"I'm sorry about last night" I say looking anywhere but at Harry.

"I'm just glad you are okay, you had a reaction to the drug you took. It could have been a lot worse Louis" Harry tells me, his tone a little clipped.

"Don't start Harry, I said I was sorry" I say back a little frustrated.

"What were you thinking Louis?" He asks dumbfounded.

"What was I thinking? Jesus Harry I just wanted to have some fun, with a nice guy. The first guy who I've actually had a slight interest in since you!" I yell.

"Louis I didn't.....I'm sorry okay, I was worried, last night you were really sick" Harry says calmly.

I lower my voice. I know Harry didn't have to look after me, but he did and I should be thankful.

"I know and now I know not to do that again" I say.

Knowing perfectly well that may not be true, I will just have to find a different drug.

Harry nods and we sit in silence for a few minutes.

"So, I guess now is a good a time as any to talk?" I say breaking the silence. I need to get this over with. No use prolonging the inevitable.

"Yeah, ok" Harry says back. I can tell he is slightly nervous.

"Look Louis, I just want you to know that I missed you. There wasn't a day that went by over the last four years where I didn't think of you. I was an idiot, such an idiot to let you go but I honestly thought it was the right thing. You thrived without me, you can't deny that Louis. You have done amazing things over the last four years. I know I should have gone about the whole thing differently I realise that now, but I want to be with you. There is and never will be anyone but you Lou, please give me another chance. Please " Harry says. He is looking at me with such desperation.

"You....you want to be with me?" I ask incredulously.

"Yes Louis, more than anything, I want you back so bad baby" Harry says.

"Harry, when you left you absolutely crushed me. You were the love of my life and It was so so hard. I had so many daemons to battle and I thought I could do it all, just as long as I had you by my side. Then you left and I felt so lost and alone and not good enough for you. I spent four years battling everything alone. And yes the boys were there for me but not like you were and that hurt. It's was so hard Harry, so fucking hard but I did it and I achieved so many things that I wanted to and I was so proud of myself and I'm finally somewhere that makes me happy. I'm in a happy place with my career. I waited four years for you Harry and as much as I deny it, every time the phone rang I hoped it was you, but it never was. I knew I was never good enough but I still held on hoping that one day maybe I would be. Now that you are here, I would give anything to jump back in your arms. To trust you and love you and have you love me........but I can't. I can't trust you not to hurt me Harry. I just can't go through that again I'm too scared" I stumble out. 

I didn't realise I was crying until Harry reaches over and wipes my tears away with his thumb.

"Louis, I love you! I will always love you I'm going to show you and continue to show you how much I love you. I won't stop Louis, until I have you back safely in my arms" Harry tells me.

"Harry you can't just come back and expect me to not be affected and expect me to fall at your feet. I'm sorry. I love you, I do and I never stopped but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, to just crawl back into your arms like nothing happened. Like the last four years didn't happen" I say.

"I know Louis and I'm so sorry but I'm going to try my hardest to make you realise I won't hurt you ever again" Harry says.

"Tell me one thing Harry, were you ever with anyone else? Over the last four years were you with anyone?" I ask.

Silence follows

"I'm not expecting you to say no Harry hell, just because I haven't been with anyone doesn't mean I expected you not to have sex with other people but.......were you ever in a relationship?" I ask afraid of the answer. 

I can handle him having sex, one night stands but a relationship is something entirely different.

"Yes Lou, I've been with other people since I left. I had a few one night stands in my first few years at uni....but then I was in relationship with a guy for two years" Harry tells me.

I look at Harry and I can see his face fall. I feel so angry that he could be with someone else for so long and still claim he loves me. I don't know how I feel about his confession. 

"Did you love him?" I ask, tears threatening to spill down my face again.

"I thought I did, until I came back and saw you again" he says.

"When did you break up?" I ask.

"Two months ago, when I realised I was moving back home" he says.

"Two months ago? And now you're so sure you want me back? You were in a longer relationship than what we were Harry, I'm clearly just a rebound and I'm sorry, I won't be that guy Harry" I yell at him.

"No Lou, it's not like that I swear baby, I love you so, so much" Harry tries.

"If you hadn't have gotten a job in London Harry, if you had never been able to move home would you have broken up? Would you have even spared me a single thought Harry ? Would you have ever come back to find me because you loved me more?" I ask and I know the answer before I even finish the question. 

"I don't know Louis, I'm sorry, I never stopped thinking about you I promise you, I'm here now though and I know what I want and I will stop at nothing to get it" Harry responds.

I can't take it anymore I need to leave and go home and cry myself to sleep. 

"I need to go" I say upset.

I get up off the couch and walk towards the door. Harry grabs me gently by the elbow and pulls me back so I'm facing him.

"Wait please, please, I'm actually begging you here Louis. Just give me another chance to make things right" Harry says looking into my eyes.

"I'm so angry and upset at you right now Harry........ughhh what do you want? What do you want to do?" I ask frustratingly. 

"Can we please do something together, can I take you out for coffee as just friends or something please?" He asks me.

"I don't know Harry, I don't know if that's a good idea" I say looking down.

"Are you seeing that guy from last night or something?" He asks me.

"No.... I dunno, so what of I am?" I ask getting defensive.

"He's a jerk Louis not to mention is like 18 years older than you" Harry says angrily.

"No offence but what do you care Harry? He likes me for who I am and doesn't treat me like a child" I say back heatedly.

"I understand you are confused Louis I do, Just... can you just give me a chance as well Lou, have coffee with me tomorrow I finish at the hospital at 3" he asks me.

"Fine, just get off my back about my life please, I can look after myself and I have been for the last four years okay" I say.

"Okay I promise I won't say anything, unless I think it's endangering your life" Harry says.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. Thank you for last night" I say shyly.

"Always Louis I'm always here for you" Harry says. 

He looks like he wants to lean in and kiss me or hug me or something but he doesn't and I'm glad. I don't think I could handle that.

When I get back to my apartment I really don't know what to think. I'm so confused. I have a shower and clean myself up. I change into my sweats and T-shirt, I'm really shaky on my feet so I head to the kitchen to make myself some tea. As I'm making my tea I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and I take it out. I have a message from Zach.

"Hey babe, haven't heard from you, just wanted to check you were okay" it says.

I type back a reply, I don't want to tell him I was so sick.

"Yeah sorry, I'm fine now :)" 

"Great, how bout you meet us at the club again in an hour?" He asks.

I sigh I really just feel like sleeping but I also need to take my mind off Harry and Zach is really nice and he makes me feel alive.

"Sure see you in an hour" I reply.

What the fuck are you doing Louis. Is all I ask myself, but I can't help the feeling of freedom I have when I'm with Zach and I crave it.

 

Harry's POV.

When Louis leaves I go back to sitting on the couch. Last night really scared me, Louis was really sick. that guy he was with was a jerk and I really hope Louis doesn't get caught up with him it could be really dangerous. 

I haven't slept at all, making sure I was checking on Louis every 10 minutes to make sure he was still breathing. I'm not tired though. My mind keeps going over what Louis said to me and how much I hurt him. I want to start fresh with him and maybe become friends again. My thoughts are interrupted with a knock on my door and I go to answer it. I find a confused and worried looking Cameron standing in the doorway.

"Hey Cam, come in mate, what's up?" 

"Hey Haz, I was supposed to meet Louis for a drink tonight but he isn't answering his door" Cam says.

"Oh well, um he was a bit sick last night, he may just be sleeping" I say back.

We walk into the Lounge room and take a seat in the couch.

"Sick? Why? And how do you know?" Cam asks me.

"Look Cam, Louis went to this club with this much older guy, and he came home completely fucked up. I'm lucky I heard him come back. The guy left when I threatened him and Louis spent the whole night and morning in the bathroom. He was so sick. I nearly took him into work. He told me the guy Zach I think his name was, put some drug on his tongue, he must have had a reaction too it" I say worriedly.

"What!! Louis is on drugs??" Cam yells.

"No, it was the first time he has ever taken anything before, but that guy is bad news" I say.

"Do you think he is with him now?" Cam asks. 

"I dunno, we should go check on him though and make sure he is okay, he was really fucked up" I say.

Cameron is already up and heading towards the door before I even finish my sentence. We hurry next door to Louis and knock on the door. We get no answer. Cam pulls a key out of his pocket and I look at him slightly panicked. This is crossing so many lines. 

"Cam I don't think we should" I start.

"What if he is dead in there Harry? I'm worried I'm using the key" 

Cameron opens the door and we walk in. The place is spotlessly clean and as we walk through every room we see no sign of Louis.

"He isn't here" I say.

"No, why the fuck would he be out at this time of night though? It's 10:30" Cam says. 

"I dunno Cam but let's go we should trust Louis to do the right thing and look after himself" I say.

Cameron ignores me and walks over to the kitchen and starts opening cupboard doors and the fridge. 

"What are you looking for?" I ask 

"I just wanted to check the cupboards to make sure he has food" Cameron says back.

I walk around to stand next to Cam in front of the cupboard. It's completely bare. The fridge isn't much different either with just some milk and two cucumbers and lots of lemons. 

"I knew it, I fucking knew it" Cam spits.

I have to admit this does nothing to help Louis case that he is okay and not relapsing. I still don't think he is throwing up his food but this is definitely a sign something Is wrong. The last thing he needs to do is get caught up with Zach as well. I sigh.

"Look, let's just talk to Louis first he may just need to go grocery shopping" 

Even as I say the words I don't believe them. 

"You and I both know that's not the case Harry" Cameron says.

"Well we should go, it's not going to go down to well if he catches us in his apartment is it" I say.

"Yeah you are right" Cameron says,

We walk out of the apartment and back into mine.

"Should we call Liam?" I ask Cameron.

"I really don't know Harry, if last night was only the first time doing drugs maybe not, but the food situation...... I just don't know, maybe.... if he comes home fucked up again then yeah we need to call Liam" Cameron says.

"Yeah, and we need to try and keep him away from this Zach guy. If he so much as puts his hands on Louis he is dead" I say.

Cam looks at me knowingly and we silently settle in for the night on the couch, waiting up to know that Louis get's home safely.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading xo

Louis POV

I walk into the club in my black skinny jeans and a navy button up, the sleeves rolled to my elbows and my hair in a messy fringe. Security ushers me straight through and I walk straight to the VIP section where I see Zach Immediately. He is with Noah, Nathan and Aiden and they are all standing next to the booth laughing and joking around, drinks in hand. Noah is quite hot with blonde hair and blue eyes, he tall and slightly muscly. Nathan and Aiden both have brown hair and brown eyes. Nathan is quite sporty looking, like he plays football or something while Aiden is shorter than the other three but taller than me. He has short hair while Nathan's is longer and reachers just below his ears. They are all good looking and suit the industry well. As I walk over to the group Noah spots me.

"Louis, mate" Noah calls me over.

"Hey babe" Zach greets me, he slides his arm around me. 

I smile at them.

"What's your poison tonight Louis?" Aiden asks me.

"Um" I say trying to think of what I want to drink.

The four of them share a look before I can reply.

"Come on, I'll get you something I know you will like" Zach says winking at me.

The rest of the boys smirk knowingly. Zach leads me into another room at the back of the club, the other three boys following behind us. The room is small, empty and dark with a few round black tables. I look to the right and see a table set up with white powder set in three lines as well as a bunch of pills scattered around. I'm led to the table and I'm actually a little scared. Do I really want to go down this path? I've never been interested in drugs, but the feeling I had last night before I got sick made me feel so free and confident and like all my worries had disappeared. I want to feel that again and I like Zach and his friends. I don't really trust them completely, they seem a little sleazy but they are all really nice and they make me feel like I fit in, like I'm attractive and they actually like hanging out with me.

"Alright Louis, since this is your first time with hardcore drugs we will take it easy, especially after last night" Noah says as he sets some more powder up. 

"You look a bit worried Louis" Nathan says laughing a little.

"No, I'm fine... I just don't really know what to do" I say shyly.

"Don't worry we will show you babe" Zach says. 

Zach sits down and pulls me onto his lap, the other boys all take a seat too. I watch as they all take turns to snort the white powder through a £5 note, it looks quite easy. They all then pop two pills each and then it's my turn.

Noah sets out my powder, it's not as much as they had, only half. He then hands me a bill to snort it through. I look back at Zach for reassurance and I find him smirking at me. His arm tightens around me.

"Your playing with the big boys now Louis, you think you can handle it?" Nathan asks.

I turn back around and look at Nathan in the eyes, he is smiling at me. I smile slightly and then lean down and snort the drug up my nose, it feels weird but amazing at the same time. 

"Good boy, Louis, that's it" Zach says to me and I preen at his praise.

"Don't worry Louis, we will look after you Kid" Aiden says as he opens my mouth and slips a pill inside. 

"Just one for you babe, and no drinking" Nathan says. 

The night that follows is amazing, I'm so confident and free and It doesn't really bother me that I'm grinding Zach on the dance floor. It turns into our own private party with the five of us and a few girls in the room. Zach doesn't allow me to drink anything but water, but it's like I don't need too. I feel euphoric and I love it. 

Zach and I are on the dance floor grinding each other dirtily as Zach grabs my hips from behind. Noah is watching us intently before he decides to saunter over. He stands in front of me and brings his hips in close to mine, Zach doesn't seem to mind as they both start grinding on me. Zach is placing small kisses along my neck and I go with it, I let the drugs do there work. Noah's places his hands on my waist and I'm pulled closer, Zach coming as well, I'm at least a foot shorter than them both and they are both a lot musclier than I am as well. Zach moves his hand to my chin and moves my face so I'm facing him. He then smashes our lips together in a messy kiss and for a moment I compare the kiss to Harry and how fireworks don't explode and send tingles down my spine, but I push those thoughts away it must just be the drugs. I concentrate on Zach and when he pulls back to look at me he is smirking sexily at me. I turn my head back around to face Noah who is still grinding on me. I then feel Zach's breath on my ear and he speaks with such seduction that I nearly moan out load. 

"Noah's going to kiss you now Louis" he says.

I turn my head slightly so I can see Zach and he has his sexy smirk on his face. I then look back at Noah who is also smiling crookedly at me. Noah then leans in and our lips touch, the kiss is heated, his tongue massages my mouth and I return the kiss eagerly.

"Fuck Louis, you're so hot right now" Zach whispers into my ear.

Noah moans into my mouth and I can't help but gasp. The drugs make everything heightened and every touch feels so dreamy and light. Zach brings his hand around to the front of my pants and starts palming me through my jeans. My breathing picks up, no one but Harry has ever touched me like this before. Harry was gentle and caring and Zach is definitely more rough. I find myself growing hard though and the feelings I'm having are so overwhelming right now. Noah is still kissing me while Zach is palming me. No one is watching us as we are hidden away in the darkest corner of the dance floor. Zach starts moaning in my ear and I grind my ass on his hard dick. 

"I want you to touch Noah Louis, Palm him and make him come for me Louis" Zach tells me.

I reach for Noah's jeans and feel his hard cock against my hand. I start rubbing him and he pushes more into my hand so I go faster.

"Fuck Louis" Noah moans out.

I'm breathing heavily and gasping. Zach's arm around my chest tightens and he pulls me closer into him and I grind faster on his dick. I can't help the moan that escapes my mouth and it seems to spar the two of them on. Noah pulls me in for another kiss while Zach is swirling his tongue on my neck. His hand on my crotch is making me feel amazing and my hand starts gripping Noah and rubbing harder and faster. The two are moaning loudly and if it wasn't for the loud music around us we would be caught out. 

"Fuck I'm going to come" Noah moans out.

"You hear that Louis, your going to make Noah come, your doing so well, keep going" Zach tells me.

So I do, I keep rubbing and pulling and palming Noah's cock and he comes right in front of me and I feel amazing that I made him fall apart. He doesn't stop though, he reaches out and grabs my cock and him and Zach both work there magic making me come undone. Zach grabs one of my hands and brings it behind me so I'm palming his cock as well. 

"Ugh, uhhh" I say as I feel my release getting closer, the feeling in my stomach getting stronger and stronger.

"Give it up for us Louis" Zach tells me.

"Come on Louis, show us what a good boy you are" Noah says. 

And I can't hold it any longer I let go and come, right there on the dance floor. Zach holding me up with his arm across my chest and Noah pressed against us. I then hear Zach moan from behind me and I know he just released too. Our breathing his heavy as we come down from our highs. The drug made my orgasm so intense and different. When we come back to reality a bit, I'm lead towards the bathroom to clean up. I'm a bit out of it and I can feel myself coming down again. I don't feel sick this time just tired.

"Louis, you are really something else" Zach whispers in my ear as I'm washing my hands in the sink.

I turn around and smile at him.

"How are you feeling?" Noah asks me as he comes to stand next to me.

"Amazing" I smile at the two of them and they both smile widely back at me.

"Now listen Louis, can we trust you to not say anything to anyone about the drugs tonight" Zach asks me seriously.

"This is serious Louis, you can't tell anyone okay babe" Noah says.

"Okay, yeah I get it, of course I won't say anything" I say back.

"Good boy. I know we will be having a lot more fun with you" Noah says winking at me. I can't help but smile back.

" it's 4am, I think we should get you home Louis" Zach says.

I nod my head and we head outside the bathroom. Nathan and Andy see us and walk quickly over to us.

"There are paps everywhere at both exits Zach, they got wind that Louis was here" 

"Shit" Zach says. 

My face pales I don't want to leave by myself through the paps, not after what happened last time.

"Zach, I don't want to go out there by myself, they just mob me and I'm still a bit out of it" I say.

"Don't worry babe we will get you in a cab safely okay" he responds.

I nod and we all head out towards the front of the club. The flashes are going off before we even get to the door.

"Fuck" I say

This is just what I need, Liam and the boys finding out about this. 

"It's okay Louis, just stay between us and keep your head down, we will flag you out" Nathan tells me.

I agree and they all form a circle around me. We walk out the front door and we are bombarded instantly.

"Louis" 

"Louis over here, what were you doing in the club?" 

"Are you on drugs Louis?" 

"Louis!!" 

"Back the fuck up now" I hear Nathan yell.

We are being pushed and Zach grabs my waist to steady me.

We make it to a cab and I'm put inside, the other four stay behind. I give the cab driver my address. I am so tired I just need to sleep. I had an amazing night and the drugs didn't make me sick and I felt insanely good all night. I pay the cab driver and hop out of the cab and head towards the lift and to my floor. When I get there I fumble around for my key and when I find it, I accidentally drop it on the floor. I turn around as I hear Harry's apartment open and see Harry and Cameron staring back at me.

"Good night then Louis?" Cameron asks harshly, crossing his arms.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks me a little more calmly.

"I'm fine, I just went out" I say back defensively.

"With that Zach guy?" Cameron asks.

"Not that it's any of your business but yes" I say and I turn around to put the key in my lock and unlock my door.

"It is my business when my best friend is hanging out and doing drugs with a guy who is 18 years older than him" Cameron practically yells.

"He isn't 18 years older than me he is 15 and I'm not doing drugs. It was one time so get off my back Cameron" I say.

"Louis, I'm not letting this go" he says back.

"Yeah, Cam okay whatever. Go call Liam and the boys, go call Kimberly and tell them all I'm off the rails and spiralling down hill, go on, what else is fucking new? you all tell each other that no matter what the fuck I do. I'm so sick of it and I don't care anymore. I had a great night with some friends and that's it, go read about it in the paper" I say back. 

Cameron and Harry just stand there gobsmacked that I told them where to go.

"I'll see you at the hospital at three Harry" I say and I push my door open and slam it shut, leaving Harry and Cameron speechless in the hallway.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter for you all. Enjoy xx

Louis POV

 

I'm woken once again to my phone blaring. I really need to remember to put it on silent. I don't look at the caller ID and I regret it once I answer and I'm being yelled at.

"Louis William Tomlinson, what the fuck do you think you are doing?" Andy's voice yells.

"Huh?" I ask, trying to process what's happening and trying to wake up properly.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about kid, I got a call from Cameron last night updating me on your latest antics Louis" He says and he sounds disappointed. 

"Oh yeah! I went out Andy, last time I checked it wasn't a crime" I say sassily back.

"No Louis but doing drugs and partying with guys old enough to be your dad is not okay" he spits back.

"Says who? You? Why can't you just leave me alone, why do I have to answer to you, I just went out to a club" I yell back at him.

"I am your older brother Louis and as much as you think you don't have to answer to me or Liam, Niall or Zayn I'm sorry, but you do" Andy yells.

"You're not my father Andy and neither is Liam or the boys." I yell.

"No Louis, our father left us, he left you, abandoned you, he doesn't want anything to do with you. So yeah, The boys and I are the closest thing to a father you will ever have" Andy says.

"Maybe when I was 17 but I don't need you to look after me anymore, I don't need you or them watching my every move, I'm fine" I yell frustratingly.

"You are far from fine Louis, we know you too well, we know the signs" Andy says.

"No Andy, you think you know the signs but you have no fucking idea" I yell.

I hear Andy sigh on the end of the line.

"Come home Louis, we have booked you extra sessions with Kimberly, stay for a few weeks, get back on track again... Please" Andy asks me desperately.

"No Andy, no way! You only want me there so you can watch my every move and control me. It's not happening, I don't need help getting back on any track" I snap.

"It wasn't a request Louis, I was just trying to give you the chance to make the right decision"

"I'm 21 Andy you can't make me do anything, I'm fine, my life is fine. I'm not relapsing and I'm not doing drugs.... please just get off my back" I yell frustratingly.

"Louis, I know about the drugs, Cameron told me everything, that Harry was worried enough to want to take you to the hospital, how do you not see that this is becoming dangerous" Andy asks me.

"It was the one and only time I've tried anything Andy, and I had a reaction, I won't do it ever again, it doesn't mean I'm heading off the rails" I say, trying to calm down.

"What about you skipping meals again huh? I know what's in your fridge Louis, I know there is no food in your cupboards" he says.

 

"What? What are you even talking about, there is food in my fridge it's full" I lie angrily.

"So there isn't two cucumbers and a bag of lemons then?" Andy asks smugly.

"How the......Cameron" I realise.

"Get your ass home Louis, you have one month to cancel your commitments and organise some time off,we expect you home in one month Louis, indefinitely " Andy says and hangs up.

What the hell? Idefinately my fucking ass.....I'm so fucking angry. I knew I shouldn't have given Cameron that key. I angrily get off my bed and pull on a pair of sweats and a grey T-shirt. I march straight out the door and straight to the lift. Why can't they just stop interfering with my life, it's actually making me want to rebel more. I feel like I want to go out and party just to spite them. 

I press the button for Cameron's floor. Andy and the boys have obviously been asking Cameron to snoop around and report back to them, I wonder if Harry has been doing it too. When I reach Cameron's floor I stomp down the hallway completely infuriated, when I reach his door I bang loudly. He answers, wearing his nice slick work suit, he must be on his lunch break. He takes in my disheveled state and looks at me confused.

"Lou?" He says,

"I want my fucking key back Cameron" I say angrily.

"What, why?" He asks dumbstruck.

"Had an interesting call from Andy before and I realised you have been sneaking around my flat, looking through my cupboards, reporting back to them" I yell.

"Louis, just calm down, I'm sorry okay I'm just worried" he says.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you to stop worrying?" I ask upset.

"You have to admit it looks pretty bad Lou" Cam says

"I don't have to admit anything, I just needed to go grocery shopping, I have been busy with work and I haven't had a chance. You didn't have to go behind my back, I thought you were my friend" I yell.

"I am your friend, that's why I'm trying to help" Cameron days desperately.

"Friends don't go behind each other's backs Cameron, my key please" I ask holding out my hand.

Cameron sighs and goes inside to retrieve my key, he returns and hands it over hesitantly. I don't say anything more I just turn to walk back to the lift.

"Louis?" Cameron says.

I turn around to face him.

"I'm not giving up on you Louis, you can shut me out all you like but it won't work" he says with determination. Before he slams his door shut. 

I sigh. Just because I've done drugs twice and I'm skipping some meals means nothing, why can't they just understand that, let me make my own mistakes and allow me to figure stuff out myself. 

When I get back to my apartment I realise it's already 2:30pm I have to meet Harry in half an hour. I change into my skinny jeans and grey long sleeve sweater and put my vans on. I walk out of my flat and into the streets of London. I try to calm myself down, I'm so angry at my brothers and Cameron. I bet Harry was in on everything too, I'm looking forward to giving him a piece of my mind as well. There is no fucking way I'm going home, they can't make me. The only reason they want me there is so they can control me and make themselves feel better. What about me though, it's like they have forgotten about me and my feelings and what's important to me. They are trying to fix me and force things that they think are good for me on me, when they just need to leave me alone to get it together myself. I understand that they think Harry would be good for me again and I can't help but agree in some way, I miss him I really do, but it's my decision to make as to whether I want him in my life again. If he is going to try and control me like the boys I don't want anything to do with him. I want him to want to be friends with me because he likes me for me,not because he feels like he has to fix me. 

When I reach the hospital I walk up the steps and through the entrance, I can see I'm being recognised and some people are taking photos of me. I try to ignore them as best I can. I reach the Emergency Department and I enter the waiting room. 

"May I help you?" A young nurse from behind the counter asks, her name tag reads Mel.

"Um, I'm just here to see Harry Styles" I say shyly.

"Louis Tomlinson?" She asks.

"Yeah, that would be me" I smile slightly.

"Dr Styles is expecting you, if you would just come this way" She says and stands up.

I follow her through a set of doors and down a corridor towards a huge desk in the middle of a room. There are two doctors and a bunch of nurses standing around laughing, it seems quiet with no patients around. I instantly spot Harry, wearing navy blue scrubs, his hair pulled back into a bun, he looks sexy as fuck God dam it. I can't help but admire him from afar, I may be staring but I don't care. When Harry sees me he smiles his big dimpled smile and rounds the desk to greet me.

"Lou!" He says. His smile is so bright, I can't help but return it.

"Hey" I say. 

"How are you? I'm so glad you came" he says, looking at me like I'm the only one in the room.

"Of course I'd come Harry, I said I would" I smile.

"Come, let me introduce you to everyone" Harry says proudly.

He walks me over to the other doctor and nurses and introduces me. They all seem really nice and friendly. Daniel the other doctor seems older than Harry but only by a few years and the nurses are young and pretty. It's like a 'greys anatomy' hospital with hot doctors and good looking nurses everywhere. 

"We didn't believe Harry here was friends with the famous Louis Tomlinson but I guess it's true" one of the nurses says. 

I can't help but snort.

"I'm not that famous, I just stand in front of a camera, I'm sure you guys do a lot more amazing things than me, but Yeah,I've known Harry since I was born" I tell her smiling.

"Believe me Louis you are plenty famous, I'm pretty sure the nurses drool over your pictures regularly" Doctor Dan says smirking causing the nurses to blush.

"We are not as bad as Harry" one of the blonde nurses laughs out. 

I can't help but laugh at Harry's embarrassed face.

"Okay that's my cue to leave, see you all tomorrow" Harry says laughing.

"Ohhh, well Louis we will have to invite you back in to tell us all the gossip that surrounds the infamous Dr Harry Styles" Doctor Daniel says. 

He then looks towards Harry and the way he is looking at Harry makes my blood run cold, he is smirking and it's like he is undressing him with his eyes and I actually feel a pang of jealousy.

"Oh I have a lot of gossip about young Harry here, we used to date, so I know all his intermit secrets and I'd love to share " I say sassily waggling my eyebrows.

Harry's eyes bulge out of his head and Dr Daniel blushes profusely. While a few nurses snort with laughter.

"Alright there Louis, time to go I think" Harry looks flabbergasted at me.

I smile crookedly at him as he leads me towards the the exit. I wave goodbye innocently to the staff while Harry shakes his head at me however, I can see the fond smile on his lips.

Just as we are leaving though an emergency call comes in, a teenage car crash victim in a critical condition is en route to the hospital. Everybody scrambles to get ready for the arrival.

"Harry, we may need you, could you maybe stick around for a few minutes just to make sure" Daniel asks of Harry. 

Harry looks towards me for permission. 

"Of course Harry, you don't even have to ask" I say back.

The following minutes unravel before me and I watch on as a teenager is rushed into one of the emergency cubicles. The curtain is left open and I can see everything that's going on, she looks really hurt there is blood everywhere. Dr Daniel is assessing the girl and the nurses are scrambling around getting things organised at his instructions. My eyes are glued to the scene. Flashes of my accident start to come back to me, the blood and the dead eyes of Stan that regularly haunt my dreams. 

"Are you okay Louis?" Harry brings me back from my thoughts.

I breath in and out.

"Yeah, I'm, I'm okay....is she going to be okay Haz?" I ask concerned.

Harry looks at me worriedly. 

"I'm not sure Lou" He tells me sympathetically placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Can you save her Harry?" I ask. 

This is too close to home I remember what Ashton and Luke were like in the back of the car and Joey's dead body on the side of the road. For some reason I need to know that the girl is okay, she is so young and that could have so easily have been me. Her family must be worried sick, waiting to hear whether she is going to be okay. 

"Dan, do you need me?" Harry yells to Daniel.

"I should be good Styles, thanks mate" He yells back.

Harry starts trying to drag me out of the ER gently but I don't budge.

"Come on Lou, you don't need to see this" Harry says gently, but my eyes are fixed on the girl in the room.

"I want to know she is okay Harry" I whisper.

"Louis, the doctors are doing the best they can okay. Come on you don't need to re-live this Louis" Harry says.

I tear my eyes away from the girl in the bed to look at Harry. 

"I'm sorry I just, I can't help it" I say.

"I know Lou" Harry says as our eyes meet in understanding.

Suddenly, there is a really loud beeping noise.

"She's crashing" Dr Daniel yells.

Harry turns to the room worriedly.

"Styles" Daniel yells.

"Lou, I need to go help okay, I want you to leave, can you do that for me? Go wait I'm the waiting room I will be there as soon as I can" Harry says quickly.

I just nod and watch him go but I don't move

"Louis go!" He yells.

I don't listen though, I'm stuck in my spot watching the whole ordeal unfold before me. I focus on Harry working and I can honestly say he is amazing. Shouting instructions and working fast to put a breathing tube down the girls throat. A difribulator is used on her chest to try and get her heart beating again. Harry yells more instructions and the girl lifts off the bed but she still has a flat line. I'm frozen in my spot tears threatening to spill down my cheeks at the emotional scene in front of me. 

"Clear!" Harry yells again. 

He places the paddles on her chest once more and shocks the girl again but again, it's a flatline.

"We're loosing her Daniel" Harry says.

Daniel starts chest compressions and tries to get her back. The nurses administer certain things in her drip but she isn't responding. 10 minutes later and Harry calls it. 

"She's gone, time of death 15:45" Harry says. 

Silence follows as the doctors all realise they have just lost a patient, such a young life. 

I'm left speechless I can't believe that just happened. I can't move. Harry looks up and our eyes meet, the look on his face breaks my heart. He looks defeated but concerned for me. The nurses take over and Daniel and Harry share a hug. They exchange a few words and separate. Daniel goes to talk to the family in the waiting room and Harry walks towards me.

"Are you okay Lou?" Harry asks as he places his hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eyes.

"Um, she died?" I ask in a whisper.

"Yeah Lou, we just couldn't save her" Harry states.

"But.....why? She was so young" I say. I'm trying to come to terms with what I just saw.

"I know, but her Injury's were quite severe" Harry tells me.

I look him in the eyes and nod. 

"Let's get you out of here hey, go get some tea" Harry says and he leads me out of the room and towards a locker room. 

Harry changes from his scrubs to jeans and a grey sweater and grabs his backpack. We then walk in silence to the coffee shop around the corner. When we walk in we are instantly met with warmth and it relaxes me.

"Go take a seat Lou, I'll order" Harry says.

I don't even argue, I just nod and go to sit down at a booth. Harry comes over a few minutes later with my tea and a coffee for him and of course my tea is made the way I like it, Harry remembered how I take my tea, I smile slightly. He has also brought two Apple muffins. I thank him and start sipping my tea. I don't touch the muffin.

"I don't know how you do that everyday Haz" I say, looking up from my tea and into Harry's eyes.

"All part of the job Lou, as insensitive as it sounds, you get used to it" Harry's says. 

"Well I don't think I could get used to it. You were amazing Harry, like truly amazing. You make a great doctor" I say smiling at him.

Harry smiles his big dimpled smile back at me.

"Thanks Louis" he says sincerely.

"So how was your day?" He asks.

"Fine didn't do much, I've got another week off before my campaign starts with H&K " I tell him.

"Awesome, so what do you have to do for the campaign?" Harry asks.

I explain to him about the whole campaign and what is involved and that I will be on billboards in my underwear.

"Well, I just might have to make sure I go the long way to work so I can see the billboard every morning" Harry smiles out.

I snort.

"Well that Doctor Dan would probably be heart broken knowing your looking at another man Harry" I smile cheekily.

It's then Harry's turn to snort.

"I doubt that Lou, anyway I have my eye on someone else" he says smirking.

"Haz" I say but I can't help my smile 

"I know I'm sorry, look can we just start again Lou, please can we just get to know each other again as friends. We have both changed a lot in the last four years and I think we should just start over" Harry says sincerely.

That actually sounds like a good idea, I think I could maybe do that. Seeing Harry in action makes me feel a little guilty that I wanted him to even contemplate not going to LA to study. Harry was made to be a doctor and the thought of me being the reason that he didn't do it, makes me instantly sick. I now understand why Harry had to leave, it still hurts like fuck but I am beginning to understand that he needed too do it. Harry is clearly amazing at his job. We have both changed a lot and have grown over the last four years and being here now, sitting with Harry feels right. Even if we aren't meant to be together maybe fate wants us to be friends. I can't deny that I feel safe and happy when I'm around Harry. That I feel like I can be myself for once and maybe being friends again would be a good thing. 

"I...think I could do that yeah, but I need you to promise me Harry......the boys are trying to make me go home, Cameron has been snooping around my apartment and they think I'm going off the rails...... I'm not Harry, I'm just having a bit of fun and I'm not relapsing and I just need you to not try and fix things to just trust me and be my friend, please" I say looking into his eyes.

"Louis, I will do anything to be in your life again" Harry starts.

"But Harry, I want you to be in my life because of me, because you like me now and want to be around who I am now. Not because you think you owe me something and definitely not because you think you need to fix me. I trust you Harry as much as I try to tell myself not too, I do. I trust you to tell me the truth" I say looking up at him through my fringe.

"Louis, I can promise you now, from the bottom of my heart that I am not here to fix you, I'm not here to hound you about your life. I'm here to be your friend and eventually I really hope something more. I'm still in love with you Louis and if you want to take it slow and start out as friends I want that too. I'm here for you Louis and I will be here until you send me away" Harry says his green eyes relaying all his emotions.

There is silence for a while while we just stare at each other. 

" I can do what you ask Louis, but promise me that you will come to me if you need help Louis, come to me if you ever need to. I will respect your wishes if you would please respect mine" Harry says, breaking our silence.

I mull over his words for a few seconds then smile shyly at him.

"Okay.... agreed" I say.

We go back to chatting and drinking coffee together, I missed Harry and his laugh so much. We finish up our drinks and Harry his muffin. I pick at mine but Harry, true to his word doesn't say anything. 

We walk out of the coffee shop and down the sidewalk. People have noticed who I am and the camera phones are pulled out and pictures are snapped as I pass. I hope the paps won't show up anytime soon.

On our way home we pass the magazine stand and again I see the gossip magazines. On the front of one of them the headline reads.

'Louis Tomlinson, parties, drugs and older men' I pick it up and sigh. 

There are pictures of me coming out of the club with Zach, Noah ,Nathan and Aiden the other night. Why can't they just leave me alone. It was the second time I've been clubbing like ever and it's made to look like I do it all the time. 

Harry walks up next to me and takes the magazine out of my hands. 

"Come on Lou, let's get you home, don't worry about what it says" he says smiling as he puts the magazine back. 

"There is nothing going on between Zach and I Harry, he is the photographer for H&K and I just went clubbing with him and his friends, I was just having some fun.

"It's okay Lou, you don't have to tell me, I just want you to be safe" Harry tells me. I just nod.

We keep walking and as we round the corner into our street we see the paps waiting In front of the entry doors of our apartments. I stop in my tracks and freeze. Harry looks at me confused as to why I stopped then looks down the street. 

"It's okay, I'm here Lou, I won't let anything happen" Harry tells me sincerely.

"I don't want to face them Harry, they are rough and push and pull at me, I hate it" I say. 

"Listen, let me put my hand around your waist and I'll guide you in okay. I won't let them hurt you" Harry says. 

I nod in response as the paps see us at the end of the street. Suddenly they are running towards us.

"Louis" they yell.

Harry puts his arm around my waist tightly and I instantly feel safe. His strong arms guide me through the mob. 

"Louis, is this your new boyfriend?"

"How old is he Louis?" 

"What's his name?" 

They all yell as the flashes get brighter, Harry never lets me go and I find myself leaning Into him a lot more. The mob starts pushing and I'm grabbed out of Harry's grip and surrounded. I panic, I try to push through to get to Harry but it's pointless I can't move. My breathing picks up and I can feel myself being swallowed. I can hear Harry's voice yelling, telling everyone to back off. I then feel his strong arms around me and I'm pulled towards him again. He guides me the rest of the way and when we make it inside the lobby and into the lift I fall against him.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks.

I just nod my head evening out my breaths.

"Just breathe Lou" Harry says, hugging me close.

"Does this happen every time?" He asks 

I just nod my head as I calm down.

"I really think you need security or something when you go out Lou, that was intense, I was actually scared you were going to get crushed" Harry says.

"Yeah maybe" I say as we reach our floor.

We walk in silence for a moment just calming down. 

"Thank you for today Harry, I um had fun" I say shyly.

"Me too Lou, let's do it again okay " Harry says, making sure as not to force anything on me.

"Yeah I'd actually.....yeah I'd love too" I say smiling.

We say our goodbyes and walk into our separate apartments. I actually had a really nice time with Harry and he respected my wishes. I feel really happy. I think I may need to think about a security guard like Harry said though, Harry won't be around to protect me all the time and I'm not really the most intimidating looking guy when it comes to pushing myself through a mob. I put it on my list of things to do and I walk into the kitchen. I take down my rice crackers from the cupboard and I open the packet and start to eat. Being with Harry today has actually put me in such a good mood that I feel good enough about myself to eat and I do, with a smile on my face.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the new chapter, it's slightly longer so let's just pretend it's two chapters ;) I know a lot seems to happen in this chapter to louis but I'm setting up some stuff to happen later on. Enjoy xo

Louis POV

"Louis, answer my god dam call" 

I sigh, another text message from Niall. I'm still avoiding all calls from the boys and now they have resulted to messaging. I'm still ignoring them. 

"Louis, Kimberly called and said you missed your appointment, call me NOW" Liam messages next.

I really feel like I want to change my number, that's the tenth message from the boys in the last 30 minutes. 

I'm lying on my bed trying to sleep off my latest comedown. It's been a week since Andy called me telling me to get home. I haven't spoken to Cameron either, I'm avoiding everyone but Zach and Harry. I've been partying and getting high every night with Zach, but I've managed to hide it pretty well from the media and Harry. I've only been papped once more leaving the club and I was alone so it didn't make big news. I'm still not really eating either, but again it's not an issue, it's keeping me employed. 

Partying every night is actually starting to take its toll on me though and it's getting hard to distinguish what's a comedown and what's withdrawals and what's a problem because I'm not eating. Regardless though, all I know is that I'm having fun and I feel so amazing when I get a hit. Zach is starting to become a little aggressive and controlling with me though and I don't really understand why. I've made it perfectly clear that I don't want anything serious with him and he seemed fine with that. We have snogged a few times but that's really all.

There is a knock at my door that breaks my thinking but I try to ignore it, my head is pounding. Whoever it is doesn't let up though so I reluctantly get up off the bed and head to the door. I open it and find Harry on his phone in his work scrubs looking hot as fuck.

"Yeah Li, he answered the door, he is okay" Harry says. Looking at me with concern.

I roll my eyes and walk back into the flat, leaving the door open for Harry to follow in. I flop down on the couch and turn the TV on. 

"Liam wants to speak to you" Harry says as he hands me over the phone.

I grab the phone angrily.

"What do you want Liam?" I say angrily.

"Louis, for fuck sakes kid I have been worried sick, you won't answer any of our calls or respond to any messages. What the fuck is going on" Liam yells.

"Maybe I'm sick and tired of being yelled at for living my life" I yell back. 

Harry makes his way to the couch awkwardly and sits down.

"Louis why did I get a call from Kimberly telling me you didn't show up to your appointment?" Liam asks, calming his tone.

"Probably because I didn't go Li..um" I say back sassily.

"And why not Louis, this is getting out of control, you are getting out of control Louis" Liam yells.

"I am not Liam, I don't need Kimberly anymore, Im completely fine" I spit back.

I'm so sick of having these conversations, it just goes back and forth and all they do is yell at me they never listen. Liam continues to yell through the phone but I get sick of it and just hang up on him.

I missed Kimberley's appointment because I really don't need to go anymore and it's no doubt the boys have been in her ear about what's going on with there irrational concerns. I don't feel like delving into that, I don't have the energy and I just don't care anymore. I look towards Harry and he is eyeing me warily.

"Don't even think of starting Haz" I tell him.

He lifts his hands up in surrender.

"I'm not saying anything Lou, don't shoot the messenger" he says.

"Sorry" I say, as I look down at my pants and play with the string on the front.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" Harry asks.

"No.....yeah.... I dunno I'm just. I feel like all they want to do is control me, they don't listen to anything I have to say it's just, do this! do that! and they won't even listen to my side of things. They are making me feel trapped and I hate it" I finish, looking up at Harry.

"Have you spoken to them about this Lou?" He asks concerned.

"No, I've been avoiding them because all they do is yell at me, I never get a single word in" I say frustratingly.

"Well maybe I can try and talk to them" Harry says.

"Thanks Haz, but I don't want you to have to fight my battles" I say.

Harry just nods but he holds my eye contact for a few minutes. 

"Can I ask about Kimberly? About why you didn't go? Liam said its the first appointment in four years that you have missed" Harry says warmly.

"Yeah......I don't think I need to go anymore" I say looking away from Harry.

"Are your nightmares still happening Lou? I've noticed you haven't been home at all this week, you've been out clubbing with Zach" Harry says hesitantly.

"My nightmares have been okay and just because I've been going out, doesn't mean it's a reason to see Kimberly." I say.

"I understand Lou, I do, but it's not really helping your case avoiding everything" Harry says.

I look down and don't answer.

"When was the last time you ate?" Harry asks tentatively.

And I'm done. 

I get up off the couch and walk into my room, Harry follows but I don't care. I walk into my wardrobe and put a pair of my skinny jeans on and a blue jumper. I grab my vans and slip them on. I need to leave, I do t want to have this argument right now. I walk out of the wardrobe and go to walk past Harry, but he grabs me by the arm gently.

"Please don't walk away from me Louis, I'm begging you" Harry says.

I look at him In the eyes and I can tell he is desperate for me to let him in, I want to but I'm scared to let him. I'm scared of being thrown away. I break our eye contact and rip my arm out of Harry's grip. I turn around and walk about three steps but as I do, I'm hit with a bad dizzy spell and see black spots in my vision. The room is spinning and I feel like I'm going to pass out, I can see the floor getting closer as I begin to fall.

"Shit" I hear Harry exclaim, I'm caught in his arms before I hit the floor.

"Louis?" Harry asks.

He lays me down on the floor, I can hear him but I'm still dizzy. 

"Louis, can you hear me? Open your eyes baby" Harry says. 

I groan and open my eyes, Harry is on his knees leaning over me. He is in doctor mode and checking my pulse. I try to sit up and as I do I get light headed again.

"Lou, just take it easy okay, I'm assuming your blood pressure is really low" Harry says trying to stop me from sitting up.

"I guess that answers my question about when you last ate" Harry adds. I sigh.

I eventually sit up slowly and then Harry helps me stand. 

"I'm making you something to eat okay, no arguments" he tells me.

I sigh, I guess I do need to put some thing else in my system to last me a few days.

"Okay" I say weakly. 

Harry leads me to the kitchen and places me in a chair at the dining table. He starts rummaging through my cupboards and fridge and of course finds nothing. 

"I guess we will go to my place to eat then" he says smiling.

"Don't you have to work or something?" I ask sassily.

"Yes but not for another hour, so let's get going before I decide to bring you into work with me to monitor you" Harry smirks.

I roll my eyes at him and follow him to his apartment.

After I've had something to eat I start to feel a bit better, Harry cooked me scrambled eggs again. He didn't even need to ask me, knowing that I don't have a problem with eating them. I smile slightly at the fact that he takes notice of these things.

I still feel really weak, and I'm really shaky even though I'm sitting down, I try to hide it from Harry, he doesn't need to worry.

"You're looking pale Louis, I should take you into work with me" Harry tells me seriously.

"Please no Haz I'm fine, I've eaten now and I just need to sleep okay" I say back pleading with him.

He looks at me for a minute before he sighs.

"Okay, alright" he agrees. I smile at him slightly.

"Thank you......and could we maybe keep this between you and me?" I nearly whisper out.

"Louis" he warns.

"Please Haz, I'm fine I promise. I'm not, not eating on purpose, I've been really busy and I just haven't gone grocery shopping" I say.

He can tell I'm lying but doesn't say anything.

"Okay but if it happens again, Liam is the first person I'm calling Louis" He says sternly.

I nod my head at him. 

"I've got to get to work, I can stay if you need me too" Harry says.

"No Haz, I'm fine I promise" I smile at him. 

We both get ready to leave the apartment, Harry walks me to my door and when we say our goodbyes Harry places a kiss to my cheek. I blush like crazy. 

"Thought we were taking things slow, just friends" I smirk at him.

"I just had too, I'm sorry" Harry smiles.

"Go save some lives Haz" I say shoving him lightly.

Harry grins his goofy grin at me and walks down the hallway. My cheek is still burning from his kiss and my body still feels like it's on fire. I definitely still have feelings for Harry and it's so confusing.

I walk back in my apartment and straight to my bed, I curl up under the blankets and I fall asleep again. I'm woken three hours later by Zach calling my phone.

"Louis, babe, club tonight in an hour" he says happily into the receiver.

I don't know how they can do this every night, apart from the fact they are twice my age they don't even seem effected by the drugs. I feel like my body is falling apart, like I'm pushing it to its limits. I don't think I want to go out tonight. 

"Hey Zach, I'm not feeling the best so I might skip tonight" I say tiredly.

"Louis I've got something new for you to try, you have to come out, you don't want to disappoint us Louis" Zach says and he sounds a little angry and kind of like he is threatening me.

"Okay yeah I'll be there in an hour" I say. 

We hang up and I sigh, I don't know how long my body will be able to handle this for.

I turn up to the club In my black skinny jeans and a dark grey T-shirt, with a dark great button up shirt over the top that I've left open. I skip the line like always and walk straight in. I find the guys in the usual place, they greet me with smiles and we all head to the back room. This time there is no white powder but five syringes lying on the table. There is no way I'm going there.

"What is that" I ask uneasily.

"Just trust us Lou" Nathan says.

"I mean... yeah I trust you, but I'm not shooting up... There is no way I'm doing that" I say.

I begin to back out of the room when I'm grabbed around the waist by Zach. 

"Louis, you said you could handle it babe, don't let me down...... You know, I'm very influential In this industry Louis and I would hate to see the H&K campaign go back to the drawing board because it's top model pulled out" Zach says wickedly.

I gasp.

"Wha?" I say looking back at him.

"That's right Louis, I need you and you need me in this industry. Everything comes at a price babe" he says.

"Your blackmailing me? Why do you even care if I take drugs or not, why does it matter to you?" I ask baffled.

I don't understand why he is doing this.

"Because Louis, you are relying on me to get your fix and I need you to expand my career, like I said tit for tat" 

"That's stupid, I'll give you what you want, I will hang out with you I'll do other drugs, but I'm not doing that" I say waving my hand towards the table.

Zach let's me go and walks towards the table.

"Boys, I don't think Louis understands what I'm saying" Zach says to the others. 

Suddenly I'm grabbed by Noah and held around the chest. Nathan grabs my arm me holds it out , I'm completely stuck I can't move. I start to panic.

"Get off, seriously get the fuck off me" I yell.

They just laugh. I try my hardest to get out of their grip but they are holding me so tight. 

My eyes go wide and as Aiden grabs one of the syringes and brings it closer to my arm. 

"Let me go Zach fuck" I yell. 

Suddenly I'm let go and they all break out into laughter.

"Louis we were just joking babe" Noah says.

"You should see your face" Aiden says, laughing.

"What the fuck! That wasn't funny" I yell.

"No Louis it really was" Zach says smirking.

I just glare at him. He comes closer to me and grabs me by the waist.

"Come on babe lets get your usual hit if you don't want the hard stuff" he says with a wink.

I relax a little, but I'm still a bit tense. That was really scary, my heart is still beating quite fast as I try to calm myself down. 

"I meant what I said though Louis, don't fuck with me" Zach whispers into my ear so only I can hear.

"Come on Lou, relax babe" Nathan says. 

Zach pulls me over towards the tables and sets me up a hit. I stand and watch as they all shoot up whatever they fuck that stuff is. My body is really not going to respond well to this hit I just know it, especially after nearly passing out from lack of food. I sit down and I hesitate to snort the cocaine. Suddenly Zach forces my head towards the table hard. 

"Take the fucking hit Louis, don't waste my drugs" he spits, his grip on the back of my neck is painful.

I snort the powder quickly and it's really strong, my mouth is forced open and two pills are put inside. I instantly feel the effects and it's not the same as the last few times I've had something, I just don't feel right. 

"Good boy, it's best when you listen to me Louis, you will learn that a lot more" Zach says evilly.

 

I don't like him right now and I really don't know if it's the drugs or what but he is being such a dick and I'm a little scared of him and what he might do. 

"Zach, I feel really fucked up, that wasn't a normal hit" I say shakily.

"Nah, it was laced with shit, can't tell you what though, you'll be right don't worry" Zach says. 

I can feel my heart in my chest and I'm panicking. I need to get out of here. I'm starting to sweat and I feel really paranoid. 

Zach and the guys head out to the main club, I trail behind them and when they are pre occupied with some girls I decide to sneak out of the club. I need to leave now before I get too fucked up I can't think properly and do something stupid, like take more drugs from Zach. I quickly find a cab without being papped, it's to early for them to be out. I manage to get to my apartment and up to my floor safely. I feel like I'm being watched and I'm on edge, Instead of going to my place though, I find myself knocking on Harry's door. My breathing is heavy and I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm not getting enough air. 

Harry answers the door in his pyjamas and he instantly knows something is wrong. 

"Lou, fuck come inside are you okay what's happened?" He panics.

He ushers me inside and I see Cameron sitting on the couch, just what I need.

"Ummmm I think....my drink was spiked I think, at the club" I lie.

I can't let them know what I took I will never hear the end of it, especially from Cameron.

"What?" Harry asks concerned.

"I dunno, but I feel really weird and like I can't breathe and....make it stop Harry please" I panic.

"It's okay Louis just relax" Harry says calming me down by placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I can't and Cameron hates me he is going to hurt me, he doesn't like me" I say looking at Cameron.

I know what I'm saying is wrong, somehow I know it's not true, but it's like my mind is taking over and I'm certain Cameron hates me.

"Lou, I'm not going to hurt you bud, just calm down" Cameron says. He looks at Harry concerned.

"Cam, can you go get some ice water, like really really cold water and come into the bathroom" Harry says. 

Cameron nods and Harry walks me to the bathroom and sits me on the toilet seat. 

"I'll be right back Louis okay" he tells me and I nod.

I feel so dizzy and tired and I'm freaking out. Harry walks back into the room with sweats and a T-shirt, Cameron is following him with a glass of ice cold water in his hands. They both kneel down in front of me. Harry starts undressing me and changes me into his comfy sweats. 

"Fuck Harry he is tiny, this is not okay" Cameron says worriedly to Harry like I'm not even in the room. I'm too fucked to care what's being said though.

"I know Cam,but this isn't the time for that. Right now I need your help okay, we will deal with that later" Harry says sternly.

"Yeah, yeah sorry..... tell me what to do" Cameron says.

"Get me a wet washer as cold as you can get it" Harry instructs. 

Cameron goes to the sink to get the washer and Harry reaches for my arm and starts taking my pulse.

"His pulse is through the roof" Harry States more to himself than anyone.

"Okay Louis, I want you to drink all of this water, every single drop okay" Harry instructs.

I nod and take the glass from him, I then start to drink. It's so cold but it seems to help me with my breathing. 

"Good job Louis" Cameron tells me when I'm nearly finished.

"I can't drink anymore" I tell them, I feel like I'm going to spew.

"Yes you can Louis, you can do it for me baby, I need all that water gone" Harry tells me gently. 

I whimper but bring the glass to my lips and drink the rest of it. Cameron brings the cold washer back and places it on my neck. Harry walks over to his bathroom cabinet and takes out a small vial and a needle. He comes back over and he fills the needle with the contents of the vial.

"Is that legal H?" Cameron asks.

"Yes Cameron, I'm a doctor for crying out loud" Harry says smiling slightly.

"Okay Louis,I'm going to give you something to help you okay but it's going to make you go to sleep. I won't leave you though. The cold water is going to help with keeping your blood pressure up for me while this drug works to counteract what's happening to you okay" Harry says.

I just nod as Harry grabs my arm and injects the drug into my shoulder. I feel myself slipping, I welcome the darkness and I begin to feel safe once again as I fall asleep.

Harry's POV 

I pick Louis up and lay him in my bed. This has got to stop, this Zach guy is bad news and I'm worried for Louis, really worried. He is never home at night anymore and he is coming home completely fucked up most mornings. He thinks I don't know but I do. I'm trying not to freak out in front of Cameron. I need to talk to Louis myself before taking this to the boys. 

"What did you give him H?" Cameron asks me, as I walk out of my bedroom turning out the light.

"Honestly I just made all that shit up about counteracting or whatever, its just a plain old prescription sleeping drug. He was becoming paranoid and this way he will sleep it off and wake up okay" I tell Cameron. He smiles slightly at me.

"Do you think his drink was really spiked?" Cameron wonders.

"Well that's what he said, we should give him the benefit of the doubt and he came to us, so that's a good sign" I say.

"Yeah you are right" Cam replies.

Eventually Cameron leaves and after much convincing he promises not to call Liam before I speak to Louis. I lay awake again most of the night making sure Louis is okay, I'm glad I don't have work tomorrow. This is getting really out of hand. I need to get Zach away from Louis and I need to get Louis to open up and trust me. When he asked me not to interfere with his life I really didn't think he was this bad. I understand he wants to party and have fun but he is doing it with the complete wrong people. He is at such a fragile point in his career at the moment and I feel like he thinks he has to hang round Zach and get his approval to move forward In the industry. It's just not true, Louis got himself where he is and I'll be dammed if I sit back and watch him throw his reputation away, for some fucking asshole who doesn't give a shit about Him. I want Louis back so badly and I know he is coming around to the idea of us being together again! I just know it. I'm not trying to change him or fix him I love Louis so much, I will do anything I can to see him smile and be happy. 

As the light peaks through the window and night turns into morning Louis begins to stir next to me on the bed.

"Haz?" He asks sleepily as he sits up in bed.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Okay, I feel okay" he says. 

We sit in silence for a few minutes before I can't take it anymore.

"Louis, I'm sorry but I really need you to talk to me and tell me the truth about what's going on" I say lovingly.

He sighs and looks away from me.

"Louis you walked into my apartment last night clearly fucked up and asked for my help. Please respect me enough to tell me what happened" I say calmly looking into his eyes, he takes a minute before he responds.

"I.....I went to the club and and Zach gave me some cocaine and I took it" he tells me and looks down ashamed.

"It...... it wasn't like the normal stuff, it was laced with something and I started to freak out" he finishes.

"Louis" I start but he interrupts me.

"Harry please, I don't need a lecture about how I shouldn't do drugs, the fact is I've tried a few and I've taken some and It obviously doesn't agree with me and I don't want to keep doing it" He says.

"I'm not here to give you a lecture okay, I'm not. I just want you safe Louis ,I need you safe and I can't let this happen anymore. I'm not going to let you ruin your career and everything you have built do you understand" I say.

I move closer to him on the bed so I'm sitting next to him. I reach out to grab his chin gently and lift his chin up so he is looking at me in the eyes.

"I'm not going to go on and on about how dangerous this is especially the fact that you are not eating properly, mixed with taking drugs which is just asking for trouble. I just want to help you to stop this and be happy, you are too good for this Louis and you know it's true" I tell him sincerely.

I can see his blue eyes well with un shed tears as he looks at me so innocently.

"I can't stop Harry, I love the way I feel free and confident and like everything that's difficult in my life disappears when I'm high" He says.

"I know Lou, but you know you can feel all those things without going down this path. I'm here, I'm going to help you, let me help you please" I say desperately.

"How Harry... how??" He asks getting upset and frustrated.

Before I'm realising what I'm doing I cup Louis cheek and press our lips together. Fireworks explode through my body, God I've missed this, I can't believe I lasted so long without this. Louis is everything, he is all mint and tea and home and morning breath that I want to taste forever. I want this feeling forever. Louis returns the kiss eagerly and it's like we can't get enough of each other. Four years worth of emotions is poured into this one kiss and it's absolutely amazing. 

We pull away from each other completely breathless, we just stare at each other, I can't help but smile. Louis looks completely shocked but sated.

"Let me in Louis, let me be with you" I plead.

"Harry, I love you I really really do, please.... please just give me some more time please. I'm so confused and I just need some more time, I'm sorry" he says back.

He gets off the bed and he grabs his phone and runs out of my flat. I sigh. Good going Haz. 

Louis POV

I run straight back to my place and just break down. That kiss was incredible and I am still feeling the effects of it. I want Harry in my life so badly but I just need time to sort stuff out. I'm still a little broken and he doesn't deserve that. I'm brought out of my thoughts by my message tone on my phone. I take it out of my pocket and frown. I have 10 unread messages from Zach and the guys.

"Louis where did you disappear too?" 

"Didn't even think to say goodbye Louis?" 

"Louis WTF is wrong with you, why did you leave?" 

I message back Zach quickly saying I was sick and had to leave. He sounds completely pissed. I really don't like hanging out with him that much anymore, especially after last night. Like he said though he could break my career and I can't let that happen. He replies with a 'hope you feel better' message and I tell him I will see him at the shoot we have scheduled In three days. I definitely need a break from him and his friends. As I'm closing my phone a message comes through from Harry.

"I'm so sorry Lou, please don't be upset at me" It says.

"I could never be upset at you Haz, just let me get my head around it all xo" I reply. 

I walk further into my flat and forgo a shower and food again. I fall flat on my bed, I'm just exhausted. The campaign for H&K starts In two days and I need to get my shit together for it. I need a break from Zach and I need to try and eat something. I notice my right hand side of my back has a dull ache and I'm not sure what it's from. My body is sending me such confusing messages and it's hard to sort it all out. All I know is I'm tired and I need to sleep and wake up prepared for this campaign. Everything else I can deal with later.


	12. Chapter 12

LOUIS POV

The campaign for H&K started two days ago and every time I walk out of my apartment I come face to face with my picture on a billboard, it's a little uncomfortable. I'm also on the sides of bus's and in shop fronts too. The photo though is definitely one of the best I've done, It's a black and white photo of me in my underwear, Zach is seriously a great photographer. I think I still look a little too fat but the response so far has been amazing, Laura called me the day the campaign begun letting me know how amazingly it had started. My agent called me the same day with a lot of new offers pouring in, enough to keep me really busy and I'm really excited about it. The H&K campaign finishes in three months and I have signed another year with them as well as a men's perfume brand and a men's watch company.

When I told Harry he was so happy for me and wouldn't stop congratulating me and smiling. We went out for celebratory ice cream and I actually ate a whole vanilla cone and kept it down. We haven't spoken anymore about the kiss but nothing has changed between us and I'm so thankful. 

I haven't spoken to Andy or the boys, I'm still not planning to go home at all, besides the fact that I'm too busy with work. There is no reason to go home, What are they going to do when I don't show up? Call and yell at me? I think I can deal with that. I haven't taken any drugs or been high for the last three days. I feel okay but there is still a pain in my back that won't go away. It's probably nothing though so I try to push it out of my mind.

I'm on my way to another photo shoot today for H&K, I have to have a few more pictures taken and then I have interview for a fashion magazine. 

When I get to the shoot I'm prepped and dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt with a leather jacket over the top, my hair left flat across my forehead and my feet bare. I walk into the studio and see Zach immediately, he looks a bit tired and scruffy. We haven't spoken in a few days since the night at the club. I feel uneasy when I see him but I smile at him when he looks towards me, he doesn't return it.

"Hey Louis, let's get started, you're late" he says shortly to me.

"Oh um sorry wardrobe was running late" I say shyly.

"It's fine, just come on. I don't have all day" he replies.

Great, he is pissed about something and I really feel self conscious now. I hope it isn't something I have done, but I have a feeling it is...it's probably because I left the club without telling him.

We start the shoot and I'm really tense. I can't seem to relax my side is aching. I can tell Zach is pissed off with how the shoot is going as well and that makes me even more nervous. Halfway through, Zach calls it quits.

"Louis get over here" he says curtly. Putting his camera down.

I walk shyly towards him, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get yelled at but instead Zach grabs my arm harshly and pulls me into the staff room so we are alone.

"Listen, what the fuck is wrong with you out there? I thought you were better than this, you are fucking up Louis and I've had enough" He semi yells.

Okay I knew I wasn't giving my all, but I didn't think I was that bad. I feel like I've completely let Zach and Laura down.

"Um I don't......I don't understand... I'm sorry" I say and I feel so insecure right now.

"Are you louis? Are you really, because I don't think you are" Zach says.

I'm so confused right now, I have no idea what he is talking about. He is acting really strange and on edge.

"Ummm is everything okay? Are we even talking about the shoot right now?" I ask.

Zach sighs and rubs his eyes.

"No we're not just talking about the shoot Louis, you lied to me and I'm really upset about it. After everything I've done for you, I really thought you and I were going somewhere" Zach rants out.

"Zach, I'm really sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about" I say back, starting to get annoyed.

"I thought you told me that Harry was just your friend, that you just lived in the same building as him" Zach spits at me.

"Um he is, he, um he does" I say confused.

"Well why the fuck have you been all over magazines with him for the last two days huh? Why are the magazines saying you are both together? Why are they saying you and Harry have been going on dates Louis?" He asks angrily.

"Um I dunno, they will put anything in a magazine, we just had ice cream the other day together it was nothing, why are you getting upset about it?" I ask quietly. 

I'm actually scared of Zach right now, I think he might be high, he is getting aggressive with me.

"Because you are mine Louis, I don't want you seeing Harry anymore do you understand" Zach tells me harshly.

"Zach, you and I aren't even together I..." I start but I get cut off with a slap to my face.

What the fuck? He just slapped me across the face. I'm frozen in complete shock.

"I'm sorry Louis, I didn't mean to" Zach starts as he reaches out for me. I flinch away from him.

"Don't touch me" I say.

"Louis, babe I'm sorry, I've just had a really bad few days and I thought you were with Harry. I don't like him Louis he isn't good for you" He says.

He sounds a little crazy right now and I'm not sure what to do, so I just go along with him. 

"Okay yeah sure Zach I can do that" I say and he sighs with relief.

He then pulls me in for a heated kiss and I'm to scared not to respond. 

"I promise I will never hit you again, I'm so sorry. I was stupid and had a bad trip this morning and I get a little controlling and aggressive when I comedown. I'm sorry Louis" he says. 

He is looking at me in the eyes and I can see how sorry he is. I smile at him.

"It's fine Zach I promise, can we just get back to the shoot please" I say.

"Sure babe, would you like a hit before we do, just to loosen you up a little? You seemed a bit tense out there" he says.

His personality has done a complete twist. He is acting nice and loving towards me again. It's obviously just his comedown making him like this. I really don't like this side of Zach and I promised myself and Harry I wouldn't take anymore drugs. 

"No I shouldn't I'm working, I'm okay" I say.

"Come on Louis, I won't tell. I think you need it. You want to take a good photo don't you?" Zach asks me, stepping closer and placing a piece of my hair behind my ear. 

I don't want to ruin the campaign but I don't want to take anything, the last few days the pain in my back on my right side has been getting worse and I've been so exhausted and run down. Today is the first day I feel somewhat okay and I don't want to go backwards.

"I'm not sure Zach, I really don't want to take anything" I say.

"Bullshit Louis, I know you want it, you want to feel good don't you. Your fucking up out there louis and this will fix it" He tells me.

I trust Zach to tell me what I need to do to take good photos. He is the photographer after all and I don't want to let Laura down. I'm so torn, his words really hitting me hard. I'm not good enough for this industry and if Zach goes against me I'm done. I hesitate but give in.

"Yeah I don't want to disappoint you" I say back.

"That's a good boy, come on let's give you a hit and get back to work, I guarantee it will make all the difference" Zach says. 

He pulls out some white powder and a pill and he sets it up. 

"It's not laced this time is it?" I ask warily.

"No babe just the normal stuff I promise" Zach tells me.

We both snort it and take a pill, Zach pulls me in for another kiss and we get back to work.

To my surprise the shoot goes amazingly, I feel so confident and the photos turn out better than anything I've ever done before. 

"Louis, these are amazing" Laura tells me when she views some of the pictures from the screen on set.

"Thank you" I say. 

"This campaign is going to be fabulous Louis, you have really out done everything that was expected. There will be some exciting times ahead for you my boy" Laura says as she pats me on the shoulder. 

I smile widely at her, I can't help it. We finish up and I say goodbye to Zach. He tells me he will call me and we will go to the club again, I don't really know if I want to see him outside work again. I'm definitely starting to rethink a few things and I refuse to go back to the place where I am scared to go out for fear of being abused. I won't go back there, I won't. 

I walk out of the studio and call a cab to take me across town for my interview with a very respectable fashion magazine. I'm still feeling the effects of the drugs I'm on when I turn up, I feel like I could take on the world though and I answer every question honestly. When the interviewer asks if I'm single I hesitate for a moment, I'm not sure where Harry and I stand we haven't spoken about anything and I'm not sure if I'm ready to trust him completely. I definitely don't want to be with Zach though that's for sure, so I reply confidently with a yes, that I am indeed single. I really don't consider what Zach and I have as a relationship, it was just a bit of fun. I just hope he isn't too mad when he reads the article especially after he stated that I was his and needed to stay away from Harry, I'm hoping it was just the drugs talking.

The rest of the interview goes pretty well and I say goodbye and shake everyone's hands before I leave. 

I decide to walk home, it's only about a 20 minute walk from where I am,I think the fresh air will do me good and I sigh with relief when I suck in the cold air when I enter the street. 

About five minutes into my walk I receive a text from Harry. I'm starting to comedown now and I really feel like I need another hit. I feel a bit light headed and dizzy and this pain in my side is coming back as my hit wares off.

'Hey Lou, can you come by the hospital after your interview? We can walk home together?'Harry asks In his text.

I'm actually only two blocks from the hospital and it's on my way home. The threats from Zach echo through my head though. I really don't know how serious he was about me not seeing Harry again. It's not like Zach and I are together though, I've made that perfectly clear a few times that I'm not Looking for anything. Especially after the way he acted today. If he slapped me once, he will probably do it again and that scares me. High school just comes flashing back through my mind and Joey and Ashton, being hit and and abused every day was hell and I can't get caught up in that again. Zach did say that it was the drugs he was on as to why he was angry, I doubt he actually really meant for me to stay away from Harry. He has probably already forgotten about what he said. I decide to text Harry back, I'm not feeling so great and it would be good to walk home with Harry he always seems to make everything feel okay when he is around.

'Sure I'm two blocks away see you shortly' 

'Great, looking forward to it :)' Harry responds.

I'm feeling so drained and tired by the time I get to the hospital and even in the cold, I'm sweating a little. I push my sleeves of my navy sweatshirt up to my elbows as I walk up the hospital steps. When I walk into Emergency I'm greeted by the same receptionist as last time.

"Afternoon Louis, Harry is expecting you, just walk through" she smiles widely at me and opens the doors to let me pass.

"Thanks Mel" I say, she blushes at the fact I use her name.

I walk down the corridor and towards the same big desk in the centre of the room. I see Harry at the desk with Doctor Dan and a nurse. He is filling out paperwork. The nurse looks up towards me when she sees me approaching.

"Hi Louis, nice to see you again"She says politely.

I smile at her as best I can. I'm starting to get a headache, I probably look like shit and my back is aching. Harry looks up at the sound of my name.

"Hey Lou," Harry greets me. He looks at me warily.

"Hey Haz" I smile, coughing slightly.

Harry gets up and comes towards me concern written all over his face.

"Are you okay Louis?" He asks and he places his hand on my forehead.

"Shit Lou you're burning up" he says.

"I just feel tired Haz, I'm fine" I tell him pushing his hand away.

"You really don't look fine, you look like you are about to pass out" he tells me.

"It's just been a long day is all" I say. 

Harry doesn't buy it though and grabs a thermometer and puts it in my ear. I try to pull away but he holds me in place until it beeps.

"Bloody hell Lou, your temperature is really high" Harry says showing the nurse the result.

"I'm fine Haz, stop fussing. I just need to sleep it off, it's probably just the flu" I say back.

"Can I check you out Louis please" Harry asks.

Shit, if he does any sort of test he will know I took drugs, I can't let him look me over. I really have no clue if this is a result of the comedown or the fact that I have a flu, it's come on so suddenly. An hour ago I was feeling somewhat okay but then again I was high. I can't risk Harry finding the drugs in my system though.

"No, no Haz I'm fine I promise" I say.

"Louis you really should let Harry check you over just to make sure, you really don't look well" the nurse says to me.

Harry looks me in the eyes assessing me. He brings me over towards and empty cubicle so only him and I can be heard.

"Louis, are you on a comedown?" He whispers to me.

Fuck

"No Harry I'm just tired, can we just go please" I say getting frustrated.

He looks like he doesn't believe me but I can't be bothered arguing right now, I don't feel good.

"Sure Lou, let me get my stuff okay" he says.

I nod and wait while he gets his things. I feel like I could faint at any second. I need to put some sort of food in my system.

"Okay let's go" he tells me.

We say our goodbyes and we walk out of the hospital and start the walk home.

"Louis, can you please tell me the truth now, what drugs did you take?" Harry asks.

I knew I couldn't keep this from Harry, he looks at me again and then stops on the sidewalk. I stop as well and turn to face him, he reaches out and touches my face, he strokes his thumb over my cheek, right where Zach hit me.

"Louis, what happened to your cheek?" he asks.

"Um I just ran into the door this morning" I lie.

I know Harry doesn't believe me but he doesn't push it and I'm thankful.

"I need to get home Harry, I'm really tired" I say.

He nods and we keep walking. 

"When was the last time you ate?" He asks.

"Haz!!" I whine.

"I'm just asking Louis, so I can get you something to eat, you look like you are about to pass out again and I will call Liam this time" Harry says. 

"Yeah, I feel like I need to eat, just some eggs or something" I tell Harry.

"Okay come on, I'll come back to yours and make you some eggs okay, you probably have the flu or something" he says.

We walk slowly back to the apartment and when we get inside I quickly change into sweats and a T-shirt. I nestle on the couch and Harry brings me scrambled eggs. Harry makes the best food and my scrambles eggs don't even compare to Harry's, I didn't realise I actually missed his cooking. I eat slowly, my stomach protesting the eggs at first, but that is probably because I haven't eaten since the last time Harry made me eggs and I'm not used to eating again.

I get through the eggs though and I begin to feel a little better.

"You can go Haz, you don't have to stay it's okay I promise, I'm fine" I say to Harry smiling slightly.

I don't want to burden him with whatever is wrong with me and if it is the flu, the last thing Harry needs is to get sick.

Before Harry can respond though there is a knock at the door. I try to get up slowly to go answer it.

"Stay there Lou, I'll get it" Harry says, placing a hand on my shoulder to keep me in place.

Normally I would protest but I really don't feel like it right now. As Harry goes to answer the door I lean back on the couch I may actually be getting sick. I can feel myself relaxing until I hear a very angry voice boom Into the apartment.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hear Zach's voice say from the doorway.

Holy fucking shit, no, please no, Zach can't be here. 

"Um, what do you mean?" Harry asks defensively.

"I mean what are you doing in my boyfriends flat?" Zach spits.

"Boyfriend?" Harry yells surprised.

Boyfriend? I'm not his boyfriend we aren't even together.

"Yeah mate boyfriend" Zach says aggressively.

"Well Louis hasn't mentioned anything to me and you are the last person I think Louis would want to date ..." Harry starts.

"What the fuck did you just say pretty boy" Zach threatens. 

I get up off the couch and head to the door before anything happens between them. Zach sees me and glares and I know I'm in trouble. He looks like he is about to hit Harry. 

"Um hey Zach" I say shyly.

"Hey, babe" he smiles and backs down from Harry.

"Look Louis is sick so I've just been making sure he is okay" Harry starts but is cut off.

"Well I'm here now, you can go" Zach says his eyes not leaving mine.

Harry hesitates and looks toward me. I give him a slight nod.

"Okay, I'm right next door if you need me Louis" Harry says.

"We will be fine mate" Zach responds. 

Harry leaves and I can tell it was really hard for him to go. As soon as the door closes I'm actually scared. I want Harry to come back. Zach looks angry.

"I thought I told you to stay away from him Louis" he says icily. 

"He's just a friend Zach, there is nothing going on between us" I say.

Suddenly Zach rounds on me and punches me in the stomach, I double over in pain, he then punches me straight In my face.

"That will teach you to go against me Louis" he says as I'm on the ground gasping for air.

"Get up and get dressed now, we are going to the club" he tells me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait xo

LOUIS POV

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Zach grabs my arm as I try to leave their drug room at the club.

"I'm feeling really sick Zach I need to go, please" I say as I struggle in his grip.

"So you can crawl back to Harry? No fucking way" Zach tells me as he drags me closer towards him.

"Please Zach I can't take another hit, I can't handle anymore" I tell him.

His grip on my upper arm tightens.

"Like fuck you can't Louis" Zach starts. 

He is interrupted by Noah and Nathan walking into the room.

"Zach we can hear you screaming from outside, what the fuck is going on?" Noah asks concerned. 

They both walk in and shut the door behind them.

"Nothing, Louis' just being a fucking brat" Zach screams.

He shoves me backwards and I hit my back on the wall behind me hard, causing me to wince.

"What the fuck Zach?" Nathan yells.

Nathan comes over and grabs onto my arms to steady me.

"Are you okay Louis? What happened to your eye babe?" He asks concerned. 

"I'm what happened to his fucking eye Nathan" Zach yells.

"Jesus" Nathan responds, but his eyes don't leave my face as he studies the damage. 

He reaches out and touches the bruise forming on my eye and I flinch.

"Sorry" he apologises.

"S'fine" 

"Louis won't take a hit Nath, can you believe that? says he is feeling too sick" Zach laughs out. 

Noah walks over and takes one look at me, before turning back to Zach.

"He does look fucking sick Zach" he says. 

"Bullshit it's all an act, now get the fuck over here and take this hit Louis before I do something I will regret" Zach yells.

He is actually going crazy, I have no doubt he would do something terrible to me. I look towards Nathan and Noah pleadingly, but they look at me helplessly.

"Just go Louis" Noah whispers out.

Fuck, even they don't want to get on his bad side, they must know what he is like. I do as I'm told and walk over to the table and Zach pushes my head down harshly while I take the hit.

"Next time do it the fucking first time you are asked or it will be a lot worse for you" Zach tells me. 

The hit, like I thought, doesn't agree with my body and I spend the next four hours in the club bathroom puking my guts up, alone.

Zach comes looking for me a few hours later and Ive managed to curl myself up in a ball against the bathroom wall, I'm shaking horribly I feel so cold but I'm sweating buckets. I just want Harry so badly.

"Ohhhh Louis babe, are you ok?" Zach asks when he finds me.

I know he is sober and coherent now from the tone of his voice. 

"Yeah, can I please go home now Zach, I really don't feel well" I say timidly.

"Of course babe, why didn't you say something earlier?" He asks. 

I don't even bother responding, he was clearly too fucked up to remember anything.

He helps me stand up and leads me out the back of the club to a waiting cab. Surprisingly he gets into the cab with me.When we get to my flat he walks me inside and helps me change into my sweats and a T-shirt, much to my protests, I really don't want him touching me.

"Fuck Louis, your fucking tiny" he laughs out.

I feel like crying, I feel like shit and Zach is laughing at me. I hate him right now. 

"You can leave now, I'm just going to go to bed" I reply not mentioning his comment.

"Is it okay if I crash here?" He asks. 

Shit, I really don't feel comfortable with him crashing here, but I agree anyway for fear of getting hurt.

"Um sure, I will take the couch" I say hesitantly.

I just want to sleep I'm so exhausted, I don't really care where.

"No Louis, we can share the bed" he says angrily.

I really don't want to anger him anymore, so I agree. We settle down for bed and I move all the way over as far as I can to the edge of the bed. I fall into an uneasy sleep. 

Throughout the night, I get up three times to vomit and I can feel I have a temperature. My back is aching so badly. Zach sleeps the whole night through apart from the few times he tells me to shut up for being so loud. I just want him gone and I want Harry so badly. I contemplate sneaking to Harry's apartment but I think better of it, I don't want Harry getting hurt because of me. If Zach found out he would go ape shit.

I decide there is no point in going back to sleep when I finally finish throwing up at 6am. I head to the couch with a blanket and turn on the TV. I eventually convince myself to get up and go and get some tea as that usually helps me feel better and gives my body something to function off. 

When I'm finished and I walk back out to the couch, tea in my hands. I see Zach sitting down, he is eying me and I can't read the look he is giving me.

"Um morning " I say quietly, trying to judge his mood.

"Morning, so you slept on the couch after I told you not too huh?" He asks me angrily.

"Um no, I just came out then I swear, I've been sick all night I couldn't sleep" I say defensively.

Zach is up out of the chair Immediately. 

"I know you are lying Louis" he tells me. 

"I'm, I'm not lying Zach I swear" I yell out. 

Before I'm prepared he lunges at me and I drop my tea and it spills to the floor, some landing on Zach's foot.

"For fuck sakes Louis!" He shouts. 

I'm feeling so drained and tired I'm not quick enough to move when he goes to hit me again. He slaps me across the face and I fall to the ground my ribs hitting the coffee table. Zach is then on his knees in front of me.

"Louis, I'm so sorry babe, I didn't mean to hit you I'm so sorry" Zach says, his voice breaking. 

He reaches out to me but I back away from him. Before he can say anything more Harry's voice and loud knocking can be heard through my door.

"Louis open up NOW" He yells.

My breathing is heavy as I look back at Zach. He is looking at me with such hatred. I need to run as fast as I can to the door and into the safety of Harry's arms. I scramble to my feet and make a run to the door. Zach must have read my mind though and he gets up just as quickly to chase me. He tackles me to the floor before I get anywhere near the door. Before I can yell for Harry, Zach covers my mouth so I can't scream out. He has pinned me on the ground.

"You better tell him to fuck off Louis or I will hurt you, do you understand. I will hurt you badly" Zach whisper yells at me.

Tears well In my eyes as I slowly nod my head at him. He releases me hesitantly, ready to pounce if I yell. I lie on the floor panting trying to get my breath back, Zach is watching my every move carefully. I shakily stand up from the ground. 

"Louis open the fucking door or I'll kick it in" Harry yells worriedly.

"Get rid of him Louis....for good, or ill fuck him up too" Zach warns again.

The thought of something happening to Harry makes me physically sick, I can't let that happen. I walk slowly to the door and open it slightly peeking out from behind it, careful not to show my bruised eye.

"What's up Haz?" I say trying to sound happy.

"Don't give me what's up Haz!!!! I heard yelling and banging, I just wanted to make sure you were okay" He says to me.

"I'm, I'm fine Haz" I say quietly looking anywhere but in his eyes.

"I don't believe you, is HE still inside?" Harry asks angrily.

I wince at his tone and I don't respond.

"You look really sick Louis, I just want to help please let me in" Harry begs.

"It's best if you leave Harry and that you stay away, please don't come back" I say, my eyes welling with tears again.

"What?" He asks hurt written all over his face.

"You heard me I-I-I don't need your help, please just leave me be. I don't love you anymore, I need you to go. I'm with Zach now" I say 

"I know what you are doing Louis and I won't let it happen" Harry whispers to me so only I can hear. 

I can't hear anymore from him I need to get back in to Zach before he comes and hurts Harry. I begin to close the door.

"See you Haz" I say back sniffling as the door shuts completely.

The look on Harry's face breaks my heart he looked so hurt. I hate myself.

"Good Job babe, you did good" Zach says to me as I enter the lounge room trying to hold myself together.

I'm trying not to break down and cry, I was so mean to Harry he is going to hate me now.

"I'm going to take off I've got shit to do, I'll call you tonight, we are going out again I've got potential clients for you to meet and you better not fuck it up for me louis "He says evilly.

Fuck I don't want to go out tonight. I just need to sleep, I actually think I need to go to the doctors, my side just won't let up. I nod towards Zach and he pulls me in for a kiss before he is out the door and slamming it shut behind him.

What the hell am I going to do, what have I gotten myself into. I'm so fucked. I lie back down on the couch and completely sob. I never want to see Zach again. I can feel myself sweating but I'm so so cold. I pull the blanket around me and just sob my eyes out. 

Three hours later and I still I can't get comfortable and I just feel like shit, I'm contemplating going to get Harry but he will hate me now after I made him leave. My phone beeps next to me on the table and I see its a message from Zach.

"You better be at the club tonight by 9 or else Louis" 

Fuck I really don't think I can even move let alone get to the club. I need to sleep now so as I can pull my shit together and get there by 9. I won't be able to withstand another punch from Zach. I hope he doesn't make me take another hit my body just can't handle anything else.

I try to forget about the club and my pain and focus on my breathing and falling asleep, I'm finally nodding off when suddenly, I hear voices outside my apartment. I recognise them Immediately and panic.

The Boys- fuck!! 

They begin banging on my door loudly, Harry must have called them. I can't really blame him but I can't answer the door, I really don't want to deal with this shit. I don't need a lecture on what a fuck up I am and how I'm ruining my life, I just want to be left the fuck alone. If I pretend I'm not home then maybe they will go away. 

"Louis William, open this door right now" Zayn yells.

"We know you are inside Louis, so don't pretend you can't hear us" Niall says.

"We will sit outside your door until you come out Louis" Liam says, matter if factly.

I'm so angry, I'm not answering the door. I don't want to face them and there disappointed faces. I have to go to the club tonight or Zach will do something to me that I don't even want to think about. I can't go home with the boys either, I just can't deal with them right now.

I walk, trying to keep my balance over to the door and slide my side table in front of it. I lock the dead bolts so if they try to pick the locks they can't get in. I settle down on the couch and ignore the pounding on the door, hopefully they will give up soon. I try to block them out and I sob myself to sleep again hoping I'll feel better when I wake up. 

Harry's POV 

Louis shuts the door in my face and I can't help but feel like he has just stomped on my heart. Something is up with him and that Zach guy. Louis told me they weren't together and I believe him, I don't trust Zach. The way Louis was hiding half his face through the door also makes me think something has happened. If Zach so much as laid a finger on Louis he will have me to deal with. I decide it's definitely time to call Liam. Louis looks sick as anything and something tells me it's not just the drugs that's causing it, he literally looks half dead. I pull out my phone and hesitantly dial Liam. Louis is going to be so upset at me but his health and life are more important to me. 

"Heya Haz" Liam greets me

"Hey Li" I greet back solemnly 

"What's up mate? You sound upset" He says.

I can hear Zayn and Andy in the background. I take a big breath contemplating my options but I have no choice I have to tell him. Louis life is at risk.

"It's Louis, Li listen. I'm pretty sure he has got himself caught up with the wrong crowd and he is being forced into a relationship with this older guy, like much,much older. He has been taking drugs but has promised me he has stopped, I know he isn't eating again and I'm just so worried Li. He walked into work yesterday and looked like he was about to fall over, he looked so sick and this morning he told me to leave and not come back after I heard him arguing with that Fucking asshole he has been hanging out with" I rush out a bit frantic.

It feels so good to tell Liam this stuff and hopefully he will know what to do, I can't let Louis live like this anymore.

"Okay listen to me Haz, I'm going to make some arrangements at work and the boys and I will be there in a few hours. Is he in any immediate danger Harry? Do we need to call the police?" Liam asks anxiously.

"No I don't think so, I'm not at work until tonight so I will keep a watch in his place until you get here" I say. 

As I'm speaking I hear Louis front door open and shut and I stick my head discreetly out my door to see Zach leaving. At least I know Louis is alone now. 

"Zach just left Li so Louis is alone" I say.

"Okay, we will be there as soon as we can H, thanks for calling us mate" Liam says.

We say our goodbyes and hang up. 

I sigh, I don't know if I should even go over to Louis place and check on him, he clearly told me he wanted nothing to do with me. I hesitate before my worry gets the better of me, I just need to make sure he is okay. 

I walk to his door and I'm about to knock when I hear sobbing thorough the door. Louis is crying. I decide to leave him alone for a little while, at least I know he is alive and okay. 

Three hours go by and finally Liam and the boys arrive. They come inside my apartment first before confronting Louis. We all sit in my Lounge room. It's good to see them all again, I just wish it was under better circumstances.

"Okay Haz, let's have it, we want to know everything" Liam says. 

I sigh. I don't know where to start. I figure with this Zach fuckhead is best.

"Well this guy he has been hanging with and has been papped leaving the club with, his name is Zach he is like 36 and has been supplying Louis drugs" I start.

"What kind of drugs?" Zayn asks.

"Well I'm pretty sure the first drug was just a trip, but Louis had a really bad reaction to that and Im scared if he has that again it will be a lot worse the second time. He told me he has also been taking cocaine. The last time he had it though, it was laced with something and he turned up on my doorstep completely paranoid and fucked up. That was like two weeks ago and he swears he hasn't done anything since" I tell them.

"Do you believe him?" Liam asks me.

I sigh and rub my hands over my face.

"As much as I want to say yes, I have to say no, I don't believe him. I do believe he is taking it against his will though, I think Zach is forcing him" I say completely honest. 

The boys nod and listen as I continue.

"I know Louis is eating some food because I make it for him. Eggs is all he will stomach and he won't throw that up. But I'm only making him eat when I see him and sometimes that can be two days and I'm fairly certain all he has is tea in-between" I say worriedly.

I hear Niall gasp

"Shit" Andy says.

"I think he is actually really sick, and not just from the drugs and withdrawals. I think something is really wrong and not just the flu like he keeps telling me it is. He won't let me get anywhere near him to look at him though" I finish.

 

"So medically what could go wrong Haz, is he going to be okay?" Niall asks frantically.

Niall has always been the most effected emotionally by Louis and he isn't holding it together that well right now.

"I don't want to scare you guys I-" I start but I'm cut off.

"Please Haz just tell us.... please" Andy whispers.

I sigh.

"Well, the side effects of such major drug use can be life threatening, he is out every night doing cocaine and thats just what we know about, he could be taking so much more. He is tiny, his frame is so small and the amount he may be taking could cause heart attack, respiratory failure, anxiety, increased panic attacks, it can lead to liver and kidney damage, malnutrition even more so than he has already. His eating disorder can cause seizures, dizziness, fainting,anaemia. It also causes heart problems and eventually his body will shut down. Combine the two together and its a complete recipe for disaster" I say frantically.

 

There is silence while everyone takes in what I said.

"Jesus Christ I'm scared, I'm really scared" Zayn says.

"Fuck, I new he was bad but not this bad, he is going to kill himself" Liam says.

"My gut is telling me we need to act now, something bad happening is imminent" I say. 

The boys just stare at me in shock.

"So what's the plan then?" Niall asks.

"We confront him, have an intervention I guess. If he won't get help, then we will make him. Andy and I will apply to have his affairs and everything taken over by us. Kimberly has already started the process, she is in complete agreement with us about this. We will take him back home and he can recover, before he is too far gone, before he kills himself" Liam says. 

He discreetly wipes away the tears in his eyes. 

"This is going to be hard guys, he is going to resist and fight us to the end and we have to be strong no matter what happens and no matter what he says" Andy tells us. 

"We need to stick together and do this for Louis" Niall agrees. 

I agree, as much as I hate this and I know what Louis is going to be like, this has to be done. 

We head outside and Liam and Zayn bang on Louis door. There is no answer, we expected that though. We do hear something being placed in front of the door and the locks being double clicked so we know Louis has locked himself inside. So we wait, he has to come out eventually. 

Four hours later and we decide on trying to trick him out. Andy and Zayn walk off down the hallway behind the wall out of site, while Liam me and Niall head inside my flat. If he thinks we have given up he may come out. We sit and we wait. I have to leave for work in an hour so I really hope he comes out before then.

LOUIS POV

I wake up to my alarm at 8pm. I struggle to get up off the couch and nearly faint when I do. I steady myself and go to get ready for the club. If I don't go I'm in deep shit. The knocking on my door seems to have eased up and I'm so thankful the boys got the message to leave me alone. I enter my room and slowly change into my black skinnies and my grey and white button up and my grey vans. I roll my sleeves up to my elbows and I style my hair in the bathroom mirror. I look like absolute shit, Zach is going to be pissed.

I walk out of the bathroom and grab my wallet, keys and phone. I then walk to the door and slowly move the side table from in front of the door. I look out the peep hole and see the hallway is deserted. I need to be quick, I'll take the stairs if I have to. I slowly undo the deadbolts and open the door quietly. I slip out and turn to leave. I make it about three steps before I'm stopped by Harry's door opening and Liam's voice behind me.

"Going somewhere Lou?" He asks.

I turn around to see Liam, Niall and Harry staring back at me. 

"Yeah, out" I say back weakly.

I turn around to leave, they can't stop me, I can run from here if I have to. As soon as I turn around though Zayn and Andy are blocking my way.

"We don't think so kid" Zayn says.

Liam, Niall and Harry walk closer to me, as do Andy and Zayn. My breathing picks up, I need to get to that club. I can't let them stop me.

"Please I just need to go, I have a meeting and I need to go" I say getting panicky.

They are all about three feet away from me but I feel completely trapped and cornered.I feel really weak like I'm about to fall over. I sway a little on my feet and Harry walks quickly over to me, he cups my face and places a hand on my forehead.

"Fuck, he is still burning up" Harry says to the boys like I'm not even here.

They all share a look of pure concern.

"Get off me" I say and I push Harry's hands away weakly.

"We can't let you leave Louis, we need to get you to a doctor" Zayn says.

"Like fuck you can't. I'm leaving and you can't stop me" I say back heatedly.

I push past Harry and I try to dodge past Zayn and Andy to leave.

"Not so fast Kid" Andy says and he grabs be around the chest and holds me to him.

"Let me go Andy, I'm not coming with you, get off me" I yell.

"Louis you are sick and we need to get you to a doctor before something bad happens, this is serious" Zayn tells me.

"Bring him inside Andy, Harry can check him out better inside" Liam says.

"Fuck you Liam, I don't need Harry. I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with me" I yell.

I'm struggling so hard in Andy's grip but I can't get loose. 

"Stop it Louis, you are just making this harder on yourself" Niall says from beside me.

"No, let me go, fuck off I don't need you" I yell again.

"Shhhh Lou, it's okay just relax" Andy says trying to calm me down.

Andy picks me up and holds me to his side as he brings me inside, I'm fighting him as best as I can. When we get back inside he puts me down in the Lounge room. I try and catch my breath for a second before I dodge him and I run for the door. I nearly make it but Harry catches me this time.

"Hey, hey, hey, not so fast baby" he says.

"Please let me go Harry, please" I wheeze out breathless. 

"Just calm down Lou and breathe, everything is okay" he says reassuringly to me, as he holds me in his arms against his chest.

"No Harry, you don't understand, if I don't get to the club..... Zach...." I tell him.

"Zach what Louis, will hit you again?" Liam yells.

Shit I didn't cover up my bruised face.

"Louis, baby please.....there is something going on with you, you are sick and I need you to let me find out why, please" Harry pleads with me.

"No! Just let me go" I scream. 

I thrash around in Harry's arms, needing to get free. He says something to Liam about going to get something to calm me down from his apartment. He hands me over to Liam and as he does I manage to break free. 

"Louis!" Liam yells.

I run towards my bedroom as fast as I can and I close and lock the door just in time. I don't have time to catch my breath! I turn around to the window and run to open it. I manage to get it open, I jump out on the ledge and head straight for the fire escape. I run down the stairs quickly and when I reach the street I hail a cab and book it to the club. I just hope Zach isn't angry that I'm a little late. 

 

Harry's POV

"Fucking hell, just pick the lock" Andy says.

"Louis open the dam door now" Niall yells.

I manage to pick the lock to Louis bedroom In record time. The door swings open and we are left with an empty room and an open window.

"Fuck" Liam says as he punches the wall beside him.

"Let's go" Zayn says.

"Where?" Niall asks.

"The fucking club he always goes too, the one he is papped coming out of, we will drag him back here kicking and screaming if we have to" Zayn says.

"I have to get to work I can't miss another night guys." I say regretfully.

I really don't want to go to work but I have too, fuck I need to know Louis is okay though.

"Bring him in as soon as you find him okay, let me look at him properly at the hospital" I tell the boys.

"Yes good idea Haz we will, we will keep you posted" Liam says.

We all leave the apartment and I watch as the boys head off to find Louis. I really hope they find him and he is okay. I don't want anything to happen to him but I have a really really bad feeling.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the new chapter, I'm not sure what warning to put on this chapter but there is some violence and a lot of medical stuff that happens. It could be triggering. xx

Louis POV

When I enter the back seat of the cab I try to catch my breath as best I can, but I don't seem to be able too. That run really took it out of me, I'm completely exhausted. I had to do it though, who knows what Zach would do to me if I don't show up tonight, the boys just don't understand. I know something is not quite right with me and I know I'm getting sick or something, I know it's worse then the flu but definitely not something worth missing this meeting with Zach over though, he would literally kill me. My breathing finally evens out enough for me to calm down, The cab driver is looking back at me in his rear view mirror clearly concerned.

"You okay kid?" He asks me.

"Yeah, ssssorry just late, I'm just running late" I say back.

He nods his head and goes back to driving. I feel so sick, the pain in my right side is really starting to hurt badly. It's gone from a constant dull ache to a really sharp pain. I try to push it aside and get ready to face Zach, he is going to be so pissed that I'm late. I'm actually scared to face him.

When the cab pulls up to the club, I pay the driver and head inside as security usher me in. I'm about half an hour late. I walk up to the VIP area and spot Zach standing against the back wall drinking and laughing with three men I've never met. He sees me and glares at me before faking a smile and ushering me over.

"Louis!! here he is boys, the man of the hour" Zach proclaims happily.

I smile the best I can and fall straight into work mode, trying to forget my pain and nervousness that I feel around Zach.

"Louis, I would like you to meet James, Greg and Andrew from 'London Now' " Zach introduces us.

'London Now' shit these guys are serious fashion royalty and I'm standing in front of them looking like shit. Zach wasn't kidding when he said he had important clients for me to meet. The club lights are really low though, so I'm hoping it hides a lot of my flaws and my bruised eye. 

"It's so nice to meet you Louis, we have heard so much about you" Andrew says shaking my hand.

"Your latest campaign with H&K has been very very impressive. We are hoping to get you in to work on our next campaign with us, what do you say?" James says smiling at me.

"Oh my gosh, that would be amazing, I would be honoured. Thank you so much" I say back smiling.

"Of course we told Zach here if he got us the famous Louis Tomlinson for our campaign we would use him as photographer, so I guess it's a win win" Gary laughs out. 

Oh so that's why Zach needed me, to get his million dollar pay check. Fucking asshole. I smile back at Gary and we have a few drinks together. I make sure to stick to water and I don't even finish one by the time they are all on their fourth. These guys are really nice and down to earth and it would be so amazing to work with them.

Eventually they decide to call it a night. We exchange numbers and business cards and arrange a meeting for one months time to go over the finer details of the contract. To say I'm stoked is an understatement, this is amazingly huge for me. Even if Zach did use me to benefit him. 

When the men have left the club Zach instantly rounds on me.

"What the fuck Louis?" Zach yells in the middle of the club at me. Some people around us stop to stare.

"What?" I ask "I got you the deal didn't I, you should be fucking thanking me" I say sassily to him.

"Thanking you!! You turn up looking like utter shit with a bruised up fucking face Louis, you could have fucked it up badly" he shouts.

"Well who's fault is that huh Zach?" I yell back at him.

Noah comes over and whispers something to Zach. He looks around at a few people staring at the scene, he then grabs me by the arm roughly and drags me into the back room. Once we get inside and the door is shut, he turns on me. He pushes me hard against the wall, he then proceeds to punch me in the face and then attacks my stomach, landing a few hard punches.

"Zach, stop please you are hurting me" I beg him.

"Well I hope it teaches you a lesson" he snarls at me. 

I'm then pushed harshly to the floor and he gives me three swift kicks to the ribs. The last one hitting me straight in my aching lower back and I can't help but scream out. Fuck that hurt and my pain intensifies. I roll over to the side trying to make the pain ease, it doesn't work though. Zach bends down and grabs my hair and brings my face up to meet his. 

"Don't fucking mess with me Louis" he spits in my face. 

He lets me go and I'm panting hard, I make myself get up off the ground slowly, I can hardly stand or breathe. Each breath I take is extremely painful, something is wrong. 

"Now stick out your tongue" Zach says to me when I'm standing up leaning against the wall.

I just shake my head no, I can't take anymore drugs, I want to get back home, I want to get to Harry. I really need Harry right now, he is all I can think of.

"Listen to me babe, I just gave you a pretty good beating and you will be pretty sore for a while, this will help with the pain okay, I'm sorry Louis, but you really did deserve it" Zach says.

He walks towards me but I flinch back. He grabs my face and forces my mouth open and puts the trip on my tongue. He grabs me by the arm and I think he is about to hit me again when the door to the room barges open and Liam, Zayn, Andy and Niall are standing in the doorway. I relax instantly knowing they won't let Zach hurt me.

"Get the fuck away from him you sick fuck" Zayn yells.

Liam and Niall round on Zach and push him away from me. I fall towards the floor but Andy catches me.

"Fuck Louis, what did he do to you?" He asks me. But I can't respond.

My chest is rattling as I breathe and my side feels like there are a 1000 knives stabbing me. I feel like I'm going to be sick and like my whole body is shutting down. I feel weak and cold and sweaty at the same time.

"Andy" I whisper out. 

"It's ok kid I gotcha, you are okay" he reassures me.

I look over to see Liam, Niall and Zach in a fist up, Liam and Niall definitely has the upper hand.

"Touch Louis again and I will kill you" Liam says as he lands another punch to his face.

"You are a sick asshole do you understand you will never approach Louis ever again do you understand?" Niall yells.

Zach whimpers out a Yes, I've never seen him so pliant.

Zayn runs over and pulls Liam back off Zach 

"He isn't worth it Liam, let's go, we need to get Louis to a hospital now" Zayn tells Liam. 

Liam snaps out of it and looks towards me. He rushes over to my side.

"Fuck Louis, are you okay. Let's go bud okay, we're going" he tells me.

"You ever come near Louis again we will fuck you up so badly, do you understand. No one messes with him. You are completely fucked, you will never ever work in this industry again" Niall yells at Zach.

Zach is on the floor trying to catch his breath, Liam and Niall placed a good few punches to his face. He glares at me but I don't even flinch knowing he will never come near me again.

The boys turn to leave the club and I'm ushered out by Andy, he leads me down the stairs past Noah and Nathan who just look on shocked. We make it down the stairs and to the front of the club. We reach the door and see a lot of paps out the front. 

"Can you walk out okay Louis, or do you need me to carry you bud?" Andy asks me.

If they carry me the paps will have a field day, but I'm so weak I don't know if I'll make it if I walk.

"I can walk, just please help me Andy" I rush out. 

"Of course Lou, Just lean on me I'll take care of everything" He says reassuringly.

I lean my weight on Andy and the rest of the boys flag me as best they can as we walk to the car. Flashes are going off everywhere and my name is being called from all different directions. We finally make it to the car without too much trouble and Andy hops in first. Niall then helps me climb in next to Him. As soon as the doors shut I fall against Andy's chest in the back seat. I'm really, really fucked up something is definitely wrong. I'm trying hard to keep myself awake.

"Louis, bud, stay with us" Niall says from beside me as he rubs my back.

"Aghhhhhh, it hurts" I say as a sharp pain goes through my body.

"It's okay, we are going to the hospital Louis, just hang in there" Niall says.

"Did you take anything Louis? We need to know buddy, did Zach give you anything?" Andy asks me cupping my face so he can look into my eyes.

"Yeaaaaahh on my tongue" I manage to get out.

"Fuck Louis" Liam says from the front seat.

"I didn't want it he, he m-m-made me" I sob out.

"It's okay Louis you're not in trouble, we are just worried and need to know so we can tell the hospital" Andy says.

"H-h-Harry I w-w-waant H-h-h-array" I say trying to breath. Speaking is just so hard right now.

"We are taking you to Harry Louis, just hang in their for us okay" Zayn says from the passenger seat.

"I-I-I-I-I ccaaaant breathe Z I-I-I-I- I can't Bbbbbbreathe" I try to say.

"It's okay bud we are nearly there, just relax Louis, just relax" Andy tells me.

We pull up to the hospital and I'm helped out of the car, I nearly fall over but Andy steadies me, he goes to pick me up in his arms but I squirm and protest.

"No Andy it hurts please, I need to walk it hurts" I cry and I can't help the few tears that escape my eyes. 

"Okay bud, come on let's go, just take it easy" He says as we start walking inside 

Liam and the boys have already run ahead to call for Harry and to fill him in.

When Andy and I enter the emergency waiting room. Mel ushers us behind the doors where we find the rest of the boys at the big desk with Harry and Doctor Dan listening intently to them talk, I can't make out what they are saying but I assume they are telling them everything they need to know.

I'm feeling really funny as I get closer to them and I feel like my whole body is turning off, like every part of my body is giving up. 

Harry and Daniel are getting ready to run out of the hospital to bring me inside, before they both turn and see me. I look at Harry in the eyes and I try relay all my emotions and fear to him. He seems to understand and comes rushing for me.

"Lou" he says nervously. He can see and he knows this isn't good. 

Andy lets go of my arm that he is leading me in with and I just stand there looking at Harry. 

"Haz" I say weakly. 

Before he reaches me though I'm falling, I can't stand up anymore, but of course I fall straight into Harry's arms, he catches me like always.

Suddenly there is a buzz of people around me. The nurses lead a very worried Liam and the boys back behind the doors to the waiting room, while Harry and Daniel call instructions around me.

"Get a gurney Kate" Harry yells to one of the nurses, he is holding me tightly and I feel safe with him.

"It's okay Louis stay with us" He says to me.

Kate and another nurse wheel a gurney over towards us and Harry lifts me up effortlessly and places me on the bed.

"We are going to look after you Louis" Daniel tells me.

My temperature is taken by one of the nurses as the bed is wheeled into a private assessment room. 

All I can do is try to keep my eyes focused and open, it's quite a challenge but I need to stay awake.

"Temp is 40.1" The nurse Kate tells Harry and Dan.

"That's too high we need to get that down and fast" Harry says to the room,voice full of authority.

The nurses respond to his instructions Immediately.

"Immmmmm Ccold" I say weakly, as I start to shake.

"I know Louis, just bare with us while we assess you and we will get you really warm, really soon okay" Daniel tells me.

A blood pressure monitor is put on my arm and my blood pressure and pulse are taken.

"Blood pressure is 70/55 and pulse is rapid" Kate says again.

"Harry, he is having an allergic reaction to the drug he was given" Daniel tells Harry as he sets up a drip in my arm and instructs the nurses on what medications to issue me.

"Yeah, but there is something else going on too Dan, I just now it. He has been sick for a good two weeks" Harry tells him.

I feel Daniel lean over me on the bed, he cups the side of my face before he is talking to me.

"Louis, buddy, can you look at me?" I hear him ask me gently. I try to focus my eyes and I get them to land on his.

"That's it good job buddy, now I need you to tell me where it hurts and what's going on. I promise you are not in any trouble, we really need to know what's going on so we can help you Louis okay" he says warmly to me.

I try to focus on my body and what hurts.

"I-I-I can't breathe properly it hurts, he kicked me and it hurts. My side feels like I'm being stabbed and it won't stop. My ribs hurt" I say as I try to catch my breath back. 

"Okay great job Lou" Harry tells me. 

"Louis, my name is Molly I'm a nurse, I'm going to look after you, I'm just going to put this oxygen mask on your face okay" she tells me.

I begin to freak out at her words, I feel so weird and I can't breath, I don't want anything near my face, it hurts and I feel too constricted.

"No, please... I don't want it on" I say as I try to push her hands away. 

"Louis, it's going to help you breathe, just relax and trust us Louis" Harry says. 

"No, it hurts please" I wheeze.

"His chest is rattling Dan, we need a scan" Harry says.

I'm still pushing the mask away from my face.

"Louis, I need you to just stay calm, I promise you the mask is going to help" Daniel says as he brushes my hair out of my eyes.

I can't help the tears that escape, I'm in so much pain and feel so weird. I reluctantly let Molly put the mask on me. 

"Good boy Louis" She says.

"Louis we need to take a look at your side so we are going to take off your shirt and jeans and get you in a hospital gown" Daniel tells me.

I panic and my breathing becomes erratic again. I don't want them to see my body. I try to get the oxygen mask off me so,I can sit up , I know it's helping me but I feel constricted, My hands are grabbed by Molly though.

"Shhhh Louis, leave it on sweetheart, it needs to stay on to help you" she tells me. 

"Settle down Louis, it's okay" Daniel tells me.

I relax a little at the warm and caring tone of there voices and Molly let's my hands go. 

Harry rips my shirt open and its cut off me as heart rate monitors are placed on my chest and my jeans are taken down. I'm left just in my boxers, I'm too out of it and upset to care.

"Harry, what does he weigh, is there something I should know?" Daniel asks of Harry as he assesses my body.

"He has suffered anorexia for five years, he was in remission for the last four years until a few months ago" Harry says. 

Daniel nods at him and tells one of the nurses something. Harry and him then both go back to looking over my side.

"We are just going to roll you over on your left side Louis okay we've got you" Harry tells me.

I'm rolled over slightly on my left side gently but it hurts badly.

"Aghhhhhhh" I yell out.

"It's okay Louis" nurse Kate tells me as she strokes her hand across my forehead trying to calm me.

"Haz" Dan says in concern.

Harry leans over me to see what Daniel has found on my right side and I don't miss the look that they give each other and it scares me.

"Lou, how long has your side been hurting?" Harry asks me.

"Like, like two weeks...... I dunno" I rush out through the pain

"Shit, it's fucking blood poisoning" Harry says. 

I'm rolled back onto my back and Instructions are flown around the room in medical jargon that I don't understand. I'm put in a hospital gown and poked and prodded with things. Harry is telling me I'm okay and reassuring me with his words as much as he can. My breathing is getting more laboured though and even with the oxygen mask I'm struggling.

"Haz" I try.

"Yeah Lou, I'm here what are you feeling" Harry asks as he hovers over me and places his hand in my hair and cards his hand through.

"I just can't breathe, please help me Harry I just....." I trail off. 

"Louis!!!!" Harry says frantically.

"Louis, open your eyes buddy" Daniel says shaking me slightly.

I can hear them and I can vaguely see them, but I can't respond as I feel myself slipping.

"Louis don't do this, do not so this" I hear Harry's voice yell at me.

I want to tell him I'm okay, that I'm here and I can hear him but I can't, my body won't work.

"He's vomiting" I can hear nurse Kate yell.

I can feel myself rolled over on my side and a suction tube is put in my mouth. I can feel my body heave and I know I'm spewing but I can't control it.

"It's okay Lou, just get it out" I hear Harry say.

He is still reassuring me and talking to me even though he doesn't even know if I can hear him, I can though and his voice calms me.

"There is blood in his vomit" nurse Molly says.

"Harry, it's his lung too, it's a collapsed lung" Daniel says. 

"Call for surgery, I'm going to do it, no one else is touching him" Harry yells.

Suddenly I can feel my body violently shaking.

"Fuck, he is convulsing" Harry says. 

I can hear more instructions and I can feel my self shaking but I can't do anything about it. I want to make it stop its hurting my side and my chest but I can't stop. 

"It's okay Louis, hang in there" Doctor Dan tells me.

I suddenly feel like my airway is blocked and no air is getting through.

"He's choking" Daniel yells.

Another suction tube is then in my mouth suctioning, as my convulsing is thankfully coming to a stop.

I then hear more medical jargon and feel something else slip into my arm and Its forcing me to sleep, forcing me to leave Harry and for the first time, I find myself trying to fight it and come back to the light. I don't want to go, I want Harry, but I have no choice.

"Louis, I'm going to take care of you....I promise" Harry's voice reassures me before I'm completely out.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter and Louis hospital joined starts, it will be three to four chapters so bare with me. Love you all xoxo

Harry's POV 

The theatre is prepped for surgery and I rush into the room next door to scrub up and prepare. I can see Louis lying on the operating table getting prepped and It breaks my heart. I have to pull myself together and deal with this. I need to save Louis life. I can do this. My emotions are on edge as I approach his lifeless body on the table. 

"He is ready Dr Styles" the anaesthetist tell me. 

Daniel is prepped as well to assist me and I'm thankful he is here to help me.

"You've got this Harry, let's do this" Daniel says.

We share a knowing look and I take a deep breath and I begin.

The surgery lasts for four hours. I successfully fix Louis collapsed lung,Thank god. I'm absolutely exhausted by the time I finish and my adrenalin is coming down. I'm glad my shift is over now, so I can rest and be with Louis.

Louis is taken up to the intensive care ward and as much as I don't want to leave his side,I have to go and tell the boys what's happened. They must be worried sick. 

I walk out Into the waiting room and I see Niall asleep against Zayn who is leaning against the wall also asleep. Liam is tapping away on his phone while Andy has his head in his hands. I clear my throat as I walk into the room.

"Haz!" Liam shouts as he looks up at me.

His voice wakes Niall and Zayn and they are all up on their feet quickly. 

"What's going on Haz, is he okay? You've been ages" Niall worries.

I look at their pleading faces and I feel so guilty, I should have seen this coming I should have taken more notice. I rub my hands over my face tiredly.

"Listen guys you need to all sit down" I tell them.

There is a lot to go over and they need to be sitting, it's a little overwhelming.

"Why Harry, please don't tell me he didn't make it Harry!" Liam asks tears in his eyes.

"He is okay at the moment Li, just sit down so I can explain" I say gently.

We all sit down in the chairs and the boys wait for me to begin. I don't know where to start, so I just delve in.

"So, we assume Louis was beaten up by Zach, his bruised eye and abdomen suggest he was punched and kicked quite hard. As a result he broke two ribs. One of the ribs punctured his lung and we had to take him to surgery. I managed to fix the puncture but it took me a while and Louis flatlined....his body is just so weak right now, but we got him back. Before we took him to theatre he had a seizure, but we are confident it was a result of the allergic reaction he had to the drug he was given and it was a one off. We did a scan and there was no signs of any bleeding or anything on his brain" I say.

"Fuck Harry, thank god" Liam says.

"You saved his life Haz" Zayn tells me.

They look so thankful towards me but I haven't even got to the worst part yet. I haven't even started.

"Unfortunately, that's not all though" I say sympathetically and I watch there faces fall.

"What do you mean?" Andy asks. I sigh.

"I don't think any of us really understood how bad his eating habits had become. Louis is severely underweight and malnourished, his BMI is 13 and that's below what we would normally allow before we admit a patient into hospital to be treated for anorexia. As a result of being so underweight his body started shutting down and his kidney became severely infected. Louis said before he passed out, that he had been suffering a pain in his side for two weeks. That was his kidney... When we examined his side we found a huge purple looking bruise which means it was left for too long and he now has blood poisoning, he has also developed a chest infection because his immune system is just so low" I say.

"Fuck, what?" Zayn yells.

"Holy shit" Andy whispers looking down at his lap about to break.

"What does that mean Harry, is he going to be okay?" Niall asks absolutely broken.

I can't look at them in the eyes, how do I tell them I don't know, I don't know if Louis will be okay. I take a shaky breath trying my best to hold it together.

"We have started him on very potent antibiotics and they will hopefully work, but only time will tell....Louis is very sick and has no reserves in his body to help him fight this, his temperature is still worryingly high, we can't seem to control it either. We have also had to place a feeding tube in his nose so he receives nutrients, he is in intensive care and will be there for some time" I finish.

The looks on the boys faces is just too much, they have tears streaming down there faces. I try my hardest not to, but I break at the sight. 

"I'm sorry guys,I'm so sorry" I say.

I place my head in my hands and let my tears fall. We somehow all migrate to each other and lean on each other for support. 

"He will make it guys, I know he will" Zayn whispers out.

"This is not your fault Haz, don't blame yourself" Liam tells me.

After a while when our tears have somewhat subsided, Andy turns to me.

"Can we see him?" He asks quietly.

"Yeah, of course, my shift is over so I was going to head up there and stay with him" I tell them.

"Thank you Harry, for everything" Liam tells me sincerely.

"Always Liam, you know I will do everything to keep Louis safe, I love him to death" I say back.

We all share a hug and pull ourselves together as best as we can, before we head towards Louis room.

When we get outside the door I stop and turn to the boys.

"Before we go in just be prepared, it will be quite confronting. He is attached to a lot of machines but they are all necessary to keep him alive right now okay" I tell them.

I get a silent understanding in return.

We walk into the room and Louis is lying completely still on the bed. He looks tiny and so pale. He is covered in a blanket to keep him warm. There are monitors and tubes everywhere, he has a nasal tube in his nose that's feeding him, as well as oxygen tubes in his nose to help him breathe. 

We walk closer to the bed and the boys get comfortable in the chairs surrounding. I walk over and look down on my precious boy, he means everything to me and I want him back, I want him to open his eyes and look at me, yell at me I don't care, but I need him to wake up. I reach out and swipe a piece of hair off his forehead and I card my fingers through his feathery hair. I then lean down and place a kiss to his overly warm forehead.

"I love you so much Louis" I whisper to him.

I then walk back over to the wall near the door and lean against it one leg bent at the knee resting against the wall, and we wait, we wait for Louis to wake up. 

 

LOUIS POV

I can feel myself coming back to my senses I can feel pain and it hurts badly, I can hear a beeping noise and the familiar sound of voices. I feel something tickling the back of my throat and it's so annoying. It feels like it's coming from my nose. I can hear the beeping getting louder and the pain is getting worse. Fuck it hurts. I whimper as I try to open my eyes.

"Louis?" I can hear, it sounds like Liam's voice.

"Harry he is waking up" Zayn says.

Harry!, Harry is here, I miss Harry, I need Harry right now. I try to come back and open my eyes but they feel like led, it's so hard but I keep trying.

"Louis, can you open your eyes for me baby" Harry's voice asks.

I want to do what Harry wants, but I can't get there.

"Come on Louis you can do it kid" Zayn says.

I slowly blink my eyes awake and I'm met with five sets of tearful eyes hovering over me. 

"Welcome back Kid" Zayn says, smiling slightly.

I feel a bit confused and in pain, my mind is foggy. 

"Are you in pain Louis?" Harry asks. 

I nod my head slowly as I try to sit up, maybe that will make the pain go away.

"Lie down Lou, we need you to stay lying down" Harry says to me.

He reaches out and puts his arm under my shoulders across my chest holding me up. I let him take all of my weight.

"H-h-hurts" I breathe out.

"Okay, we will get you some pain relief, just relax" Harry says.

I suddenly get the overwhelming urge to vomit. I gag and Harry doesn't miss a beat, he grabs the vomit bag and I just vomit my guts up as I lean on Harry's arm for support. My breathing becoming erratic because of the amount of pain I'm in.

"Don't panic Louis, This is normal, just get it out and you will feel much better" Harry tells me as he rubs my back soothingly.

When I'm finished vomiting Harry lies me back down and I feel something really annoying in the back of my throat and my nose and I don't like it. I whimper I'm so uncomfortable. There are tubes and needles sticking out of me everywhere. I don't like it, my mind is foggy and I panic a little. I reach for the tube in my nose and pull it out quickly, it's really long and gross and I cough as it comes out. I then pull the oxygen tubes out and throw them on the bed.

"Hey, hey, hey Louis calm down don't do that, you need to leave those in, they are helping you" Harry tries to tell me but I don't want to bar of it. 

I try to reach for the needles and drips in my arm to pull them out too but Harry grabs my arms to stop me. 

"Louis, calm down or I will have no choice but to tie your arms to the bed, you need to leave the tubes in to do their job and help you" Harry tells me.

"No, I don't need them, they hurt, everything hurts I need to leave" I say as I fight his grip off my hands. 

"Louis, calm down, it's okay, I know it's overwhelming but everything is here to help you" Harry tells me calmly.

"I don't care! It hurts, I don't want any of it, let me go" I say struggling as best as I can, my body is so sore.

"Liam can you go get Daniel please" Harry says to Liam as I fight against him, although I'm too weak to do anything but struggle.

Doctor Daniel comes Into the room, Liam trailing behind him. The other boys have moved away from my bed to give them some room.

"Hey Louis, what's going on buddy, just calm down hey, you are going to hurt yourself" Daniel says to me.

"No, I need to leave, I don't need to be here" I say frustratingly.

"Louis, buddy you are very sick and I'm afraid you will be here for a while, but Harry is here and so are your brothers, everything Is going to be okay" Daniel says,

"No get off me please, it hurts, get off" I yell.

Suddenly Harry pulls my arms to my side and he ties one hand tightly to the bed and Doctor Dan ties my other one. The tears come then, how could Harry do this to me. My breathing is rattly and I'm finding it hard to catch my breath. 

"Louis, you are finding it hard to breathe because you ripped out the oxygen tubes, I'm going to put them back in now so you can breathe properly" Daniel says. 

I shake my head no, if I can't move my hands I will move my head.

"Please leave me alone, please" I beg.

Harry gently holds my head still while Daniel puts the tubes back in.

"Please get it off please..... I don't like it please" I beg.

They both ignore my as Harry gets a new feeding tube ready to go back in my nose.

"No!!! I don't want that in Harry... please don't, please" I cry.

"Louis, it's for your own good, I have to, you are going to be okay" Harry says.

Doctor Dan holds my head still while Harry feeds he tube down my nose, I gag and cough as it goes down. When it's done I'm crying.

"Please get it out it hurts please" I beg looking at Harry in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Lou, but I can't" Harry says.

He then takes a thermometer from beside the bed and takes my temperature. 

"Shit, it's still up Dan, 39.4" 

"I think we need to change the antibiotics" Daniel tells Harry.

Antibiotics?, temperature? What the hell is going on! I'm so confused and foggy but I try to struggle against the ties still, I need to get my control back.

"First we need to calm him down, his body is stressing out and that's making it worse" Harry says.

Daniel gets something ready in a syringe and I eye it hatefully. 

"Louis, this is going to relax you and send you back to sleep, your body needs to rest and recover" Daniel says. 

He puts something in my drip and I feel my whole body relax and I reluctantly stop struggling.

"That's it Louis go with it" Daniel says.

And suddenly I'm out cold again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, just have a question for everyone. Who would like another major event to happen? Making the story about 25/26 chapters and who thinks I should start to wrap up the story? I have a few ideas but not sure what to go with xx thanks for reading.

Louis POV 

The next time I wake up I feel less foggy. Still sore and tired but more coherent. My arms are still tied to the bed and I struggle against the restraints.

"Louis, calm down bud, you are okay" Zayn's voice tells me.

"Zayn?" I ask.

"Yeah Lou" he says as he strokes my hair. 

I relax at his voice.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me.

"Sore, but really, really tired"

"Yeah, you are going to feel really tired for a while babe, you gave everyone a big scare Louis" He says gently but scolding me lightly at the same time.

"I'm, I'm sorry I am, I just....didn't know what to do" I breathe out.

"I know Louis, let's not worry about it okay, let's just focus on getting you better" He says. 

"What's wrong with me? When can I go home? I want to go home" I say frustratingly.

"I know you do bud but......listen, Harry will be In with Doctor Daniel shortly to talk to you okay" Zayn says. 

"Can you untie my hands Zayn please? It hurts" I beg him.

I'm starting to get a little panicky not being able to move.

"I can't babe, I'm sorry. You have to wait for Harry" He responds sympathetically. 

I whimper at his answer as my breathing picks up.

"Shhhhhh, Louis just relax, don't panic. I'm here, just focus on calming down okay" Zayn tells me.

I try my hardest to just relax, Harry will untie me, I know he will. I just have to be patient, I tell myself.   
When I calm myself down I look around the room. The boys are no where to be seen.

"Where are the boys?" I whisper out.

"We've been taking turns watching you so we can all eat and sleep, Andy is taking over in about an hour" Zayn says.

Now I feel guilty for making the boys take time off to watch me, they shouldn't be burdened with this.

"You don't have to watch me Zayn im fine, you can all go back go your lives now I'm okay" I snap frustratingly.

"Lou, you have been so sick, none of us knew if you were going to even wake up. Of course we wouldn't be leaving your side" Zayn says incrediously.

I'm fine I'm not that sick, they all overreact all the time it's annoying how much they worry about me.

"How, how long have I been out for?" I ask breathlessly, it's still hard to breathe.

"Just breathe Louis, slowly, don't work yourself up" Zayn tells me as he waits while I catch my breath.

"You've been out a total of 8 days Louis" Zayn says sympathetically.

"What!!" I ask panicking.

"It's okay, everything is fine. Liam has spoken to your agent we have worked it all out, don't worry. no one is dropping you, you still have all your contracts your shoots have just been rescheduled for when you are better, just please relax" Zayn says.

I settle back helpless on the bed. I need to know what they told everyone. If they told them about my eating or the drugs I'm screwed. I feel so frustrated and tired. I let a few tears escape. 

Zayn is still by my side stroking my hair as Harry and Daniel walk into the room.

"Hey Louis, nice to see you awake, how are you feeling?" Daniel asks me.

He walks over and starts shining a light in my eyes.

"I'm f-f-I-I-ine, I'm fine, I can go home now. Can I go home now please? I don't need to be here anymore" I rush out breathlessly.

"We can't let you leave for a while yet Louis, I'm sorry bud" Daniel says.

"Why? why not I'm fine, I don't need you" I weakly yell, as I cough and struggle for breath.

I just want to go home, I hate being at the mercy of the boys and the doctors, they can't tell me how to live my life, it's my life. If I want to go home, I should be able to home. 

"Listen, Zayn and I are going to leave you with Harry and he will explain everything okay, we think it's best coming from him." Daniel says.

He and Zayn then leave the room and Harry and I alone. I look towards Harry and he has sympathy and concern written all over his face and I hate it. He pulls a chair over to the side of my bed and sits down.

"Harry please untie my hands" I practically beg.

"Lou......I can't baby, I'm so sorry" He says looking into my eyes.

My breathing picks up and I let a few more tears slip. Harry thumbs them away gently. 

"Don't cry baby" he says.

"I want to go home, why am I here Harry?" I ask weakly.

"Lou.....You had a collapsed lung, from the two broken ribs Zach gave you when he kicked you. I had to operate to fix it, you died on my operating table Louis and I had to bring you back, I got you back. You had another allergic reaction to the trip you took which caused a seizure. The pain in your right side you were having, was your kidney shutting down Louis, from lack of nutrients and food. Your kidney became severely infected and you got blood poisoning from it, if you had taken even one more day to come in to be treated it would have been to late, we wouldn't have been able to do anything and we would have lost you" Harry says as a few tears escape his eyes. 

I can't help the few tears that escape mine either, I can't look at Harry though, so I focus on the ceiling. This is hard to process I nearly died but for some reason right now, I feel like I would have been better off. I don't want to be here right now, like this. I've upset everyone once again, everyone has uprooted their lives for me. In trying to gain control of my life, I've actually completely lost control of everything. 

"You are starting to respond to the antibiotics though Lou, and that's a great sign but we still can't control your temperature. It will take time and you will be here for a while, at least a few more weeks. We need to keep the tube in your nose to feed you and give you nutrients until you start eating again yourself. That bit is up to you, the longer you fight us the longer you will be here" Harry tells me with so much care in his words. 

It angers me though, what right do they have to tell me when and if I should eat. I'm officially an adult my decisions are my own.

"I don't need the tube Harry, I eat I don't need it , it hurts and I want it out" I say angrily, struggling against the ties.

"I know but I can't take it out baby I can't, not until Kimberly comes to see you, I'm sorry Lou" 

"Kimberly? Why does she have to be involved, I'm fine I don't need her or anyone else" I yell.

"Calm down Lou, Kimberly will tell you more, but your treatment when you get out of here in a few weeks, if all goes well and you are cooperating.....will be handed over to the boys. You will be moving back home Lou, so you can recover" Harry finishes. As he swipes his hands through my hair.

"No! no! How could you do this to me Harry? How could you let this happen? I don't want to go back with them" I cry and the tears are coming freely now.

"It's not up to me baby, I'm sorry but I promise you Louis I am not leaving, I will be by your side the whole time just like I should have been before. I will not let you down I'm here for good, I love you so much Louis " Harry says.

"You don't love me, if you did you wouldn't do this to me Harry" I yell as I struggle against the arm ties, trying to break free. I just need to get out of here.

"It's because I love you that I'm doing this Louis....I will leave you alone for a few minutes okay so you can take it all in. I'm sorry baby but it's for the best. Kimberly will be here shortly" Harry says, he stands up and he kisses me on the forehead and he leaves towards the door.

"I hate you Harry" I choke out. I'm just so angry.

"I know baby, but I promise you I'm here and I hope you forgive me enough to love me again forever Lou, cause I'm here forever" He says as he walks out and shuts the door.

I scream out of frustration. Why are they doing this to me. I can't stand it, I feel myself hyperventilating I can't get free and I can't control anything I'm loosing it. I manage to loosen one of the ties enough to bend forward to reach my hands to pull out my tubes. It hurts but thank fuck they are out, they were so uncomfortable. I fall back down on the bed struggling to loosen the ties anymore so I can undo them and break free. I can't and I continue to cry.

After a few more minutes of struggling I begin to feel the effects of not having the oxygen in and I can't breathe properly. I don't care though, I welcome it. Maybe If I can't breathe I can just slip away from all this shit, it's too hard. Everything is too hard right now and I see no light, nothing to get me through. Even Harry isn't enough, I'm too fucked up for him. 

Finally I manage to get the right tie free and I frantically sit up to work on the other one, tears are streaming down my face as I hurry to get free before I'm caught. I don't know what I'm going to do though, run into the bathroom and lock my self in? maybe I can grab something sharp and end it all before anyone finds me. I untie the second tie but realise I can't move off the bed as there is a catheter attached to me. Why didn't I think of that, I need to pull it out if I'm going to be able to get off the bed. I take a deep breath and then I pull it out. I gasp at the pain, fuck that hurt. I don't care though. I pull the drips out of my hands and the heart rate monitors off my chest. I then hop of the bed. 

I didn't realise how fucked up I actually was, I'm so weak and dizzy I can hardly stand. The pain in my stomach and side is so intense. I want to vomit but I try my best to keep it in and stand upright. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. 

My desire to slip away unnoticed comes crashing down when the monitors set off an alert informing Harry and Daniel that my oxygen levels are low. Fuck! I can't even kill myself or run away properly, I'm such a fuck up. I pull the last monitor off and try to make my way to the bathroom. 

Daniel and Harry come rushing in at the alarm before I get there though. They look at me from the doorway and I back up towards the wall until my back hits it and I can't move back any further.

"Oh Lou" Harry says disappointed.

"Louis, you need to get back into bed buddy, this is dangerous you shouldn't be up yet" Daniel says so nicely to me.

I shake my head no, I'm not getting back in that bed, being tied down with tubes that I don't want or need in me.

"What are you planning to do Louis? Where are you planning to go bud?" Daniel asks me calmly.

I just stare at them tears in my eyes.

"H-h-home, I-I want to go home" I say quietly.

"Okay, we understand Lou and you know what, we won't stop you, you can go" Daniel says as he comes further into the room and pulls up a chair and sits on it. He leans forward elbows on his thighs and watches me.

"Yeah, Lou, if you think you can't make it home, go for it, we won't stop you" Harry says as he to comes in and shuts the door and leans against the wall.

I look at them sceptically. They think I won't make it out of here, that I can't get there. I won't give up I'll do it.

"If you can make it from here to the doorway without any help or falling, we won't stop you from leaving, you have a deal" Daniel says.

"I can make it, I will I don't need you" I say weakly.

"Okay" Daniel says as he leans back in his chair getting comfortable.

"Do you need your clothes?" Harry asks as he pushes off the wall and passes me my sweats and a T-shirt from my bag.

I take them quickly from his hands and watch him walk back to his spot on the wall. I set to putting my clothes on.....really slowly. Holy fuck my body is so sore. I can hardly breathe, but I won't let them win, I need my control. Harry And Daniel remain in their spots and the just watch me. They watch my every move calmly but ready to punce if they need to. I won't let that happen. 

"Need some help there?" Daniel asks. Seeing how much I'm struggling to put my shirt on.

"No!" I say breathlessly. 

When I'm finally dressed I feel exhausted, I feel like I can't breathe but I try not to show it. I think I'm going to pass out but I won't let them win. I catch my breath and I begin to walk, I can feel myself burning up, my temperature getting higher but I keep walking, I need to make it to that door. A sharp pain shoots up my side and I stop and have to hold on to the side of the bed to gain my balance back and my breath.

"Do you need some help yet Lou?" Harry asks me. They are both being so smug and I hate it. 

I shake my head no. I stand up straight and I keep walking, I pass Daniel on the chair and Im nearly at Harry who is leaning against the wall near the door. 

I don't make it though, I fucking don't make it. My body betrays me as my legs give out from the pain and the sickness and I fall. Harry catches me and pulls me to his chest where I just sob.

"It's okay I gotcha, shhhhhhh"He says, rubbing my back.

I start hitting Harry's chest weakly 

"Please take me home Haz, please" I croak into his chest. 

"Louis, it was a good effort bud, but you can hardly even stand up, can't you see how sick you are kid?" Daniel says.

He comes over cups the back of my head with his hand

"Come on let's get you back in bed" He says. 

"No, I don't want the tubes please" I say pleadingly.

"I'm sorry Lou" Harry says so apologetically. 

He holds me around the chest and he picks me up.

"Please, don't do this to me.....please" I beg and struggle in his arms.

They both don't listen instead they both get me back on the bed, I'm still fighting them with everything I have, why couldn't I have just walked out why. I'm coughing and trying to catch my breath, but I will struggle to the end before I let them put those tubes back in. 

Again Daniel sedates me and all I can think of as I slip is I wish I would go and never wake up.

LOUIS POV

Kimberly is sitting in the chair opposite my bed when I wake up again. She hasn't changed much her black hair is still long and wavy, she is still very pretty. I notice as I try to pull on my wrist ties I can't move, I look down and I now have a strap across my chest pinning me to the bed as well. I'm completely stuck.

"Hey there Louis, how are you feeling?" Kimberly asks.

I'm so sick of that question, how does she think I'm feeling. I completely ignore her and look the other way.

"Sweetheart I'm here to help you, just like everyone else. I know you don't want too but you need to talk to me" she says calmly. 

I don't want to talk though, I hate everything right now. If they would just listen to me and take the tubes out and untie me I would cooperate....maybe. Ughhh this is so frustrating.

"This is not like you Louis, you have never ignored me before. Even at your first session four years ago you were willing to talk, what's changed now?" She asks.

Maybe the fact that everyone went behind my back and I'm being forced into things I don't want to do, I think but I don't respond. 

"Louis, the longer you fight me and the doctors the longer you are here" she says. But I still don't respond.

"Okay, I'm going to talk and you can just listen because you don't have a choice" she says.

And that's my problem I don't have a choice in any of this.

"Liam and Andy have been granted access by the courts to handle your affairs, they are now legally your conservators. This is Indefinite, until I sign off otherwise. You will be moving home with them to your childhood house as soon as you are well enough to leave. You will have weakly visits in the house with me and you will not be allowed to work or leave until we feel you are ready. If you don't cooperate here when the tube is taken out, which will be a few weeks yet, when your body has recovered a bit more. You will be sent to a facility instead and that could be for as long as 12 months Louis" Kimberly tells me.

I hate my life right now I don't want this, tears are falling but I refuse to give in. I hate everyone.

"You will be strapped to the bed until you talk to me Louis, I'm sorry" she says.

I don't even look at her.

"I'll be back tomorrow Honey" she finishes and she regretfully walks out.

I just let the tears fall. What the hell am I going to do.

HARRYS POV

I've been waiting anxiously In the hallway for Kimberly to come out of the room. I hate seeing Louis like this. Kimberly is the only one who has ever been able to get through to Louis and I just hope it isn't too late. I want to be able to go in that room and untie Louis from the bed, it broke my heart to have to strap him down like that. I want him to want to get better, I need him to get through this. 

My hopes are dashed though as I see Kimberly walk out of the room, a solemn look on her face. She looks towards Daniel and I and shakes her head.

"Fuck" I whisper under my breath. 

"He refused to talk, which is just unlike him, I'm not sure what's going on" she says as we walk down the hallway to sit in Daniels office.

"So where do we go from here in terms of his eating disorder?" Daniel asks Kimberly.

"Well, I told him he will be strapped to the bed until he talks to me" she says.

Ohhh no this is bad, Louis is so stubborn.

"I told him what's happening and if he doesn't cooperate with us then he may be sent to a facility" 

"And how did he respond?" I ask.

"He didn't he just lay there looking the other way" she tells us.

"So what do you suggest?" Daniel asks.

"I think we need to leave him strapped until he is well enough to have the tube removed, how long will that be?" Kimberly asks.

"Well even though the infection is responding to the antibiotics his temperature is still high, the infection is going to take awhile, his body is literally running off nothing. If we take the tube out and he refuses to eat his body will shut down again and this time there may be no warning signs" I say.

"He needs the tube regardless of whether he eats or not, we need to slowly introduce foods again and they aren't going to be enough on their own he needs both" Daniel says.

"Okay well can I suggest we try some food tomorrow?" Kimberly asks.

"We can try, his body may reject it though but we can try" Daniel says. 

"I will be in everyday to see him" Kimberly tells us as she stands up to leave.

"I just want to let you both know, that there is only so. U h we can do for Louis, the rest is up to him. We have to be prepared for the fact that he may not want help and in that case we can't do much. Getting angry and upset at him is not going to help either, being there and encouraging him is what he needs. I will be talking to his brothers about this too" she says. 

We say our goodbyes and she walks out of the office.

"This is a challenge Harry, Louis is a tough nut" Daniel tells me

"I know, I'm going to go and sit with him, just be there for him" I say.

"You love him don't you Harry? Like a lot" Daniel asks.

I smile and blush.

"Yeah Dan, I really do" I say.

He smiles knowingly at me

"Then go be with your man, I'll be in later to check up on him" He tells me smiling.

I smile back and head towards Louis room. I'm going to get through to Louis if it's the last thing I do. I walk in and find him looking out the window just staring into nothing.

"Hey Lou" I say.

He looks towards me and stares at me before turning his head the other way and ignoring me.

"I'm just going to sit in here do you mind?" I say as I grab a chair and sit down. 

He doesn't respond.

I sit down and take out some of my paperwork that needs to be finished and I begin, hoping Louis will respond in some way. He doesn't, he falls asleep about half an hour later and I check his temperature and vitals. His temperature is still high and his blood pressure low. I just really hope Louis snaps out of this and helps himself. It feels like his body won't start fighting properly until his mind does.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments with the suggestions Thor the story. I won't wrap up now and I have a new idea for something else to happen. Thank you all for your support with my writing you are all the best!!! Xoxox

HARRYs POV

"Okay we need a new approach before he gets any worse, it's been two weeks since he came in and his temperature is still all over the place as are his white cell counts. Something needs to change" Daniel says.

We are all gathered in Daniels office, Kimberly, myself and the boys. Going over Louis condition and treatment.

"Well I sense you have something in mind" I say smiling slightly.

Daniel has taken a real liking to Louis and is determined to help him and get him through this. I know he thinks about him constantly and has been worrying a lot about him. When I asked him about it he confessed that Louis reminded him a lot of his best mate who died 6 years ago from a drug overdose. He was Louis age. 

"He has been strapped down to that bed for six days now and it's getting us nowhere, he won't talk to any of us. I think if we start showing him some respect and gain his trust he will do the same to us. I want to unstrap him and see if it helps" Daniel says.

"I don't know, what if he goes backwards?" Niall asks warily.

"Or what if he runs? He has tried that before" 

"We strap him back down, he won't be able to get very far if he does run anyway. I think this will work though. He isn't going to eat on his own like he is now, if we want any sort of chance of him helping himself I think we need to start with letting him make his own choices, with manipulated guidance of course" Daniel says.

"I agree" I pipe up.

"Louis is always wanting control, that's how he got here in the first place trying to keep control. If we give him a little it might just work" I say smiling slightly.

"Kimberly?" Liam asks.

"Well, it's worth a shot. I have never seen Louis like this and I'm worried, I've seen plenty of patients go down this road and not come back at all. Like Harry said, control is a real issue for Louis and this might be the way to go. Like Daniel said it has to be manipulated control, make him think he is making the decision but really, we have been guiding him into the right decision all along" Kimberly says.

"If we can get his mind in a better place, I really think his body will start to heal and he can fight this infection and make a full recovery. If we keep going this way I know he isn't going to make it" I say honestly.

The boys all nod in agreement.

"So we have a plan, we are all in agreement?" Daniel asks.

"Yeah" Zayn speaks for the boys

"Yes" Kimberly says and I nod my head 

"Alright let's get Louis on the road to recovery then" Daniel smiles out.

 

LOUIS POV 

 

I haven't spoken or responded to anyone in days, my temperature still won't go down past 38 and I just feel so tired. Harry and Dan are worried but I don't care. What do I have to live for? A controlling life where I'm watched and monitored and told what to do all the time? No way. 

It's day six when Daniel comes into my room alone. I'm still strapped to the bed, I turn my head the other way and don't look at him. He sits down in the chair next to my bed. 

"Okay Kiddo listen up, here is the deal. I will untie your hands and unstrap you, if!, you can promise me you will not touch the tube in your nose and you will talk to me, Kimberly or Harry, you can choose who you want to talk too. You also have to try and eat at least something so as we can get you healthy enough to take the tube out. What do you say" Daniel asks me.

I want that so badly, I hate being strapped down I can't stand it. If I just keep the tube in until I make it out of the hospital I can control everything myself when I leave. I'm still hesitant to talk though.

I slowly look towards Daniel and look into his eyes for any sign that he is lying. I don't see any. I sigh.

"We can work together here Louis it doesn't have to be you against us" Daniel says. I sigh.

"Okay" I whisper out.

The smile that comes across his face is so big, like I've just made his week.

"Good boy" he says.

"Now,I'm trusting you here Louis, I'm respecting you and I'd hope you would respect me enough not to try anything okay" He says pointedly.

I just nod my head, I wouldn't try anything in the hospital, I'll wait until I'm home for that.

Daniel begins untying my wrists and the relief I feel when I'm free is amazing. He starts on the straps and when I'm free I feel so much better. 

"Does that feel better?" He asks smiling,

I nod at him. 

"Now, I'm going to help you sit up okay,then If you are doing okay I will take the catheter out and I will help you to the bathroom for a shower, how does that sound?" He asks.

"Good, yeah" I respond quietly.

He grabs onto my arms and helps me sit up slowly, I feel a bit spacey and light headed but I'm okay. 

"I'm going to go and get you some water and something small to eat and then if you are okay we will do the shower. I won't make you talk just yet" he says smiling.

Daniel is really nice and I can't thank him enough for trusting me to do this, I want to do the right thing to keep me free, I don't want to be strapped down anymore. 

I nod, I will try my hardest to eat, I suppose the sooner I eat the sooner the tube comes out. I sit up further in the bed as Daniel leaves the room to get me food and water. I rub my wrists, they hurt from the ties and I have purple bruises around them, nothing I can't handle though. I look around the room and realise I could run again, but if I get caught I will be strapped down again and probably sent to a facility. I need to play this smart and eat and talk and hopefully I will get out of here quicker. Soon enough Daniel comes back into the room with a tray of food and a water and puts it on the table that comes over my bed.

I look at the tray and it has a bowl of chicken soup and some jelly. My breathing picks up and I start absentmindedly playing with my wrists, I see Daniel watching me.

"So, we are just trying here Louis, you don't have to eat much but just try okay" he says and I nod.

Daniel sits down next to me in the bed and for some reason him being next to me calms me a little. 

"Let's do this in steps hey, just pick up the spoon first" Daniel instructs.

I shakily, pick up the spoon and hesitate the calories of the soup running through my head.

"Good boy, now put some soup on the spoon" he says smiling calmly.

I bring the spoon shakily to bowl and gather a spoonful of soup.

"Now let's bring it to your mouth, go slow" 

I then try to bring it to my mouth, I do and I take the mouthful off the spoon. Daniel is smiling widely at me.

"There you go well done Louis!" He says excitedly. 

I then do it again until the soul is half gone

"I can't, eat anymore" I say shaking my head.

"You have done so well Louis, do you think you could do just one more for me?" Daniel asks.

I feel like spewing but I don't want to disappoint Daniel and risk getting strapped down again.  
I slowly nod and bring another mouthful to my mouth, I swallow it but I gag as soon as it hits my stomach. Daniel grabs a vomit bag and I vomit everything that I just ate back up. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I croak when I finish.

"Shhhhhh it's okay I shouldn't have pushed you I should have trusted your limit I'm sorry" Daniel says comforting me.

"Please don't strap me back down" I ask him worriedly

"Its okay Louis, don't stress yourself out. It's going to take some time, I'm not going to strap you back down, you tried Louis and that's all I could have asked for." Daniel tells me.

"I can't even eat properly, I fucking can't do anything right ever" I say angrily.

I push the plate aside and just break down. Daniel wraps his arms around me, I just fall into him and cry. I have so many emotions running through my head, part of me wants to get better but part of me wants to spite everyone and break I'm so confused and angry.

"You know Louis, I used to have a best mate, his name was Sam and he died of a drug overdose when he was your age" he says to me.

Daniel sounds quite and I slowly move my head to look at him

"I'm sorry" I whisper, as I wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

"It was a few years back now, but when he went down that path we all tried to help him. Me being a doctor in training I blamed myself when he died. Why couldn't I have helped him more?seen the signs. Why wasn't I good enough for him to trust and bring him back? I......I tired to kill myself about six months after his death I just felt so guilty" He says sadly and a little bit ashamed.

"I wasn't successful though and it took me a while but I learnt that I did everything I could to help Sam and in the end it was his choice not to accept the help. As hard as that was to come to terms with I had to accept it" He says.

"So your saying its my choice and all that, yeah I get it. I have to help my self" I say a little frustratingly.

"What I'm saying is, that you need to find out the reasons why you are doing this. I know you have been through this before but your reasons have obviously changed, you slipped for a reason what was it?" He asks me.

I think for a moment before I start talking.

"Control, I wanted control of my life. I felt like the boys no matter what I did they always thought the worst of me, thought I couldn't take care of myself and they were always on my back. I wanted to prove that I could make my own choices and decisions and in the end I was trying to spite them so much that I ended up here" I say truthfully.

"Do you think that risking your life just to spite them was a good choice to make?"

"No, but at least it's my own. I felt like my choices were taken away from me. I was doing so well and I was fine. Then one tabloid posted some shit about me doing drugs and the boys flipped shit. Suddenly everything I did was wrong, all they would do is yell at me and try to control me. I didn't have a choice to be here, I felt like for six days I was tied to a bed and had no choice about it and I'm so confused. Part of me wants to get better, I do.....for me and maybe for Harry. Another part of me just wants to say fuck you and spite everyone and die" I say sniffling. 

"And what happens then? Everyone blames themselves and even in a few years when time begins to heal wounds and everyone realises that it was your choice to die, does it make a difference?"

"No, because I'm dead" I whisper.

"And if you choose to live, does it make a difference?" 

"I guess, cause I'm alive" I say.

"Yes Louis, because you are alive and a survivor and you have given yourself and your family the choice to be happy. Your choice" Daniel says.

"But they still want control over me, they have control over me now legally and If I have to go back to them yelling and watching my every move I won't make it I can't deal with it I......" I start as I begin to get worked up.

"Hey, it's okay shhhhhh, that isn't permanent Louis and once you talk to your brothers about this I'm sure they will be absolutely gutted that they have contributed to your slip, but once everything is out in the open you will have the chance to work it out and heal, I promise" Daniel finishes.

I let his words sink in for a while and we sit in silence before he breaks it.

"I also think there is a certain curly haired man that would be absolutely devastated if you chose to end it Louis. You should have seen him when you were on that operating table, he wouldn't let anyone else touch you, he wanted total responsibility for you. When you flatlined he lost it......I nearly called it you know, but he wouldn't give up and two minutes later your heart started beating. Do you know what he said seconds before you came back? He said 'you do this Louis and I'm coming with you' " Daniel says.

I gasp and look at him shocked as tears fall from my eyes.

 

"See.....and that just shows he deserves better than me" I say.

 

"Well Louis, isn't that his choice to make?" Daniel tells me with a wink.

I can't help the small smile that spreads across my face for the first time in weeks. 

"Now let's get you up for that shower hey" Daniel smiles at me. 

I have a lot to think about and decide.....I'm beginning to realise that I do have control, I just need to make sure I respect myself enough to use it correctly.

Daniel helps me to get out of bed after a nurse comes to remove my catheter. Its still so painful to move but I'm so glad to be able to. As my feet hit the ground, I'm hit with a wave of dizziness and I fall forward Daniel catching me. 

"Woah, take it slow Louis, it's okay if we stand here for a while until you get your balance" he says.

Just them Harry walks into the room.

"Lou, hey wow! look at you" he says beaming at me. 

I can't help but give him a small smile in return.

"Hey Harry, I was just going to help Louis into the shower, but I have a few patients to attend to would you mind taking over?" Daniel says and I don't miss the wink he gives Harry. I can't help but blush.

"Of course, is that okay Lou?" Harry asks.

"Yeah" I whisper out smiling slightly

My heart is going a million miles a minute, and the heart rate monitor shows it, I can't help but blush.

They don't bring it to my attention though and Harry takes Daniels place standing next to me. Daniel leaves me with a promise to talk soon and a wink. Harry disconnects me from the machines and leads me slowly to the bathroom, he grabs a new pair of sweats and a T-shirt from my bag the boys brought me, along the way. 

When we are inside he locks the door and turns the shower on, making sure it's the right temperature. He then helps me undress and I can't help but whimper. I'm so sore and I don't want Harry to be disgusted by what he sees. When I'm naked I try to cover up, but he stops me.

"Louis, please don't, you are beautiful baby so beautiful" He says.

I can't help the tears that escape my eyes though, Harry thumbs them away and kisses my forehead. 

"Come on let's get you clean, you need to get back into bed" he says.

I wash myself for the first time in two weeks and it feels amazing, my hair is washed by Harry and I brush my teeth. I forgot how good it felt to be clean, I feel a little more Normal.

After I'm dried and dressed by Harry, we begin walking back to the bed. I have to stop several times to catch my breath and cough. I'm still so weak. 

"It's okay Lou, take your time" Harry says.

"Why am I like this Harry, I feel so worthless and stupid" I say.

"Hey, you are not worthless or stupid Louis, you are sick and it's going to take time, don't rush yourself" he tells me. 

He turns me so I'm facing him and cups my cheeks, we stare into each other's eyes.

"You are amazing and beautiful, and funny and smart Louis" he says sincerely. 

Tears well in my eyes.

"I am.....I'm so sorry" I say as the tears fall.

"Hey, what are you sorry for baby" he asks me, his eyes are genuinely concerned.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away, I'm sorry I was mad at you and angry and such a dick to you Harry" I say looking back at him.

"Oh Lou no, don't you apologise, I need to be the one apologising. I'm so sorry I hurt you, I promise you I will never ever hurt you again baby ever" Harry says.

Suddenly his lips are on mine and I feel all my breath leave my throat, I don't know how I ever survived without his kisses. The kiss turns heated until I lean back and have to catch my breath.

"Just breathe Lou" Harry says cupping my face.

"Does this mean you and I can be together Louis!" Harry asks me.

I stare at him reading every emotion on his face and in his eyes before I reply.

"Harry.....I'm so confused about everything. I'm not mad at you anymore I'm not, I understand why you left. It is what it is, I have to move on...we have to move on. It's just, the boys...everyone expected me to fall into your arms, like I should be thankful you came back and thankful that you still want to be with me. The boys expect you to fix me and I don't want that....I want to fix myself before we even start a relationship. I want you around Harry I do, I can't do this without you, but. I don't want to start a relationship like this, I'm sorry" I say. 

I'm scared to look at Harry at his reaction to my words, I don't want him to hate me.

"Louis, I understand and I think that decisions just shows how serious you are about getting better and I want you to get better for you not me. I'm not going to let you get away though Louis, I'm here and we will get you through this together. I'll wait Louis. I'll wait forever for you" Harry says to me. 

I smile at him and he smiles his dazzling smile back at me, Harry helps me back into bed and hooks me up to the machines again. He then slips in beside me in the bed and I fall asleep with my head on his chest and a slight smile on my face.


	18. Chapter 18

LOUIS POV

Three weeks full of tears, frustration and determination later, Harry and Daniel come into my hospital room smiling. I'm sitting on my bed reading alone, as the rest of the boys had to head back home and back to work. They still make sure to call me everyday though, they have been busy getting the house organised for when I come home too, something I'm not looking forward to though. I am feeling better and can tell my body is getting stronger, my temperature has been down completely for the last week and Daniel and Harry are stoked. I'm eating a makeshift diet now, still small portions but I've gained back weight and my BMI is now 16, still low apparently but sufficient enough to be out of immediate danger.

"Hey Louis we come bearing great news" Daniel says to me as he sits on my bed.

I look towards them sceptically. As I place my book on the bed.

"What is it? don't tell me....your adding a new food to my diet" I say sarcastically.

"Haha, as much as that would be awesome....Haz, will you do the honours?" Daniel says gesturing to Harry.

"I would love too! Louis, your latest blood work has come back and your white cell count is back to normal and everything else is looking good.....this means that we are here to take your feeding tube out" Harry beams at me.

"Seriously?" I nearly yell.

"Seriously! And if you continue to eat like you have been you will be released from the hospital next week" Harry finishes.

"Oh my god this is awesome" I say smiling,

"Well done kiddo, you did it" Daniel says ruffling my hair.

Daniel and I, over the last three weeks have become really really close. When Harry is working he comes to sit with me and we play cards and watch movies and just talk and I can honestly say he is amazing and we have already talked about hanging out after I leave. He is a great guy and finally I have someone to relate to that knows somewhat how I'm feeling. Also someone who has made it through the other side as well.

"Now let's get to taking that tube out" Harry says.

Harry directs me to lie down and I do, as he puts his gloves on.

"Now take a deap breath and when I say cough I want you to cough okay" He says gently . I nod at him In response. 

He tells me to cough and I do, It's uncomfortable when he pulls it out but when it's out, I feel so much better and I'm so happy. Harry and Daniel are so proud of me and continue to tell me how awesome I'm doing. I can't help but love the praise, it makes me feel good which I haven't felt about myself in a while.

That night when the boys call and they hoot their congratulations over the phone at me I can't help but beam and I really feel truly proud of myself.

One week later and I'm anxiously awaiting Niall who is coming to get me to take me home. I've made it, five weeks of being stuck in a bed not being able to even go outside to see the sun has been so hard and I can't wait to get outside. I'm still weak and sore and I have to take it easy but I'm healthy enough to go home. I have to take antibiotics for the next month or so just to make sure everything is okay and I've had a lecture from both Dan and Harry about any worrying signs or temperatures I need to come back in straight away, but hopefully everything will be okay and I'll keep getting healthier. 

I'm sitting on the hospital bed dressed in my jeans and sweater with my bag packed ready to leave, it's the first day in five weeks I've been free from all drips and tubes. I'm excited to leave but I'm also so anxious and scared to be going with the boys, Daniel and Harry have been daily support for me and I'm shit scared to leave them. I'm going to miss them so much and the talks Daniel and I have. 

Daniel then comes walking into the room breaking my thoughts. He smiles at me but his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

"Hey kid" he says, walking over and sitting beside me

"Hey" I say.

"I just wanted to come and say goodbye" he says to me smiling but I can see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm scared Dan, I don't want to say goodbye" I say anxiously.

"You are going to be amazing Louis, you can do this, you've got this. I'm only a phone call away okay...... and how about next weekend I will come and get you and take you too that football game in Doncaster that you wanted to see" he asks.

"Really? You would do that for me?" I ask him shyly.

"Of course Louis, I'm going to really miss you kid, I'm looking forward to hanging out" he says shoving my shoulder lightly.

I can't help the tears as I lunge for him and hug him tightly .

"I'm going to miss you too" I say.

"Remember please Louis call me if you need to. Don't do anything silly, you are better than that okay. You are in control" Daniel says.

I lean back and smile at him.

"Yeah, yeah" I nod. 

Niall then comes barging in the door interrupting our goodbyes. He smiles widely at me sitting up on the bed free of machines.

"Alright Lou? Are you ready to go?" He asks me.

I nod my head as I shakily stand up. I smile and give Daniel another big hug. Harry then comes bounding into the room puffing like crazy. 

"Thank god I thought I had missed you" he says and I can't help but smile at him.

Harry comes closer to me and engulfs me in a warm hug and I melt into him. 

"I'm going to come down on every day off I have, okay Lou" Harry says.

I nod my head but hide in his chest I don't want to let him go. Tears slowly make their way down my face. 

"We will give you some time alone okay We'll be just outside Lou" Niall says.

Him and Daniel walk out of the room and Harry pulls me back so he can look at me, thumbing my tears away.

"It's okay baby" he says.

"Harry I can't do this without you, I don't want to leave you, can't I go home with you please please? don't make me go with the boys" I say panicking.

"Hey baby, breathe just breathe. Calm down. You still need to take it easy, just relax" Harry says.

"I can't....I can't I don't want to go please Harry"

Suddenly I feel like I'm slipping again.

"Okay Lou, look at me, look at me Louis" Harry asks cupping my face with his large hands. 

I lean into his touch and look him straight in the eyes.

"You can do this baby, the boys love you to death and everything they do comes from their hearts all they want is for you to be healthy and live a wonderful life Louis, there intentions are the best even if they get it wrong sometimes okay. They are not going to do anything to hurt you or to make you miserable. This is all about you, you making the right decisions and you getting better Louis. It's for three months. That's it, three measly months and if you are doing fine, which I know you will be smashing it, you get all of the control back......but we need to make sure you can deal with it okay" Harry says.

"I can Harry, I-I can" I say back.

"I know Lou, let's show everyone okay" He smiles.

I nod my head and Harry leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"Now come on I hate goodbyes, let's get you on your way home okay" Harry says.

We all walk to the front of the hospital, we reach the doors but before we head outside Niall turns to me.

"Louis, listen to me, the paps followed me here and know you are coming home today, it's all over Twitter and the news that you are being released today" Niall says to me. 

The slight smile I had on my face is wiped completely off. I look towards Niall's car to the left of the entrance and its surrounded by paps. 

"Niall" I say desperately.

"It's okay you don't need to talk to them, we are just going to walk straight passed them" 

"I don't want to" I say matter of factly.

"I promise you, I won't let them touch you Louis" Niall says grabbing my shoulders.

"Me either" Harry says from beside me.

"I'll come too" Dan says. 

We walk out of the hospital and instantly I'm bombarded, Harry and Niall walk either side of me while Daniel clears a path in front. There are questions thrown around at me from all directions but I ignore them all. 

We make it to the car and Daniel opens the passenger door for me. We have time for quick hugs before I'm sitting In the passenger seat waving good buys two people that mean so much to me. I hope I can do this without them. I turn around in my seat as Niall begins the two hour drive home. 

We sit in silence for a while before it gets a bit uncomfortable and I decide to break it. I turn towards Niall.

"What does the media think is wrong with me?" I ask. 

I'm really nervous about keeping my job and clients and I haven't really thought about any of it for the past five weeks. 

"That you had blood poisoning from an infected kidney, we released an official statement about it all Lou, don't worry. No one knows about the drugs or the anorexia" Niall tells me.

I sag in my chair in relief.

"Why are we going home Niall? What aren't I just going back to Liam's or Zayn's or Andy's why are we going back to Dad's?" I ask.

I'm not sure if heading back to that house is what I want. It holds so many memories and even though it's around the corner from where the boys live now I just don't know if I want to be there.

"Well, this way we can all be together like old times. Plus we didn't think you would want to recover with the girls and the kids around. Plus dad and Trisha are in the south of France again so the house is free" he finishes.

I sigh, and turn my head to look out the window.

"Listen Louis, you and I used to be really close, I know both of us moving away, we drifted apart a little but we can fix that. I want to fix that" Niall says.

"Ni....just because we drifted apart doesn't mean that this was your fault you know. I know you are blaming yourself" I say.

"It is my fault Louis, well part of it is. I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you said you were okay. I'm sorry I pushed Harry and you to talk when clearly you weren't ready. I guess you held it together so well I didn't really think it effected you so badly, I'm truly sorry Louis" Niall says to me, his voice breaking.

"Ni please, it's okay I love you, please don't blame yourself I forgive you I do.....if you can forgive me for being such a dick too and for pushing you away. Even if I didn't realise what I was doing" I say truthfully.

Niall ruffles my hair and laughs.

"Okay let's forgive each other and move on okay" Niall laughs.

"Okay" I smile out. 

The rest of the drive we actually spend laughing and talking. I didn't realise how much I missed Niall. 

When we pull up to the house that I haven't seen in four years, I get really emotional. The last time I was here Harry dumped me, the car crash happened. Mr Charles. So many memories that I have suppressed over the years. It makes me uneasy.

We walk into the house and I'm met with the rest of the boys I'm the lounge room. I walk slowly In, I feel really intimidated, they are all lazing on the couch watching the TV. Liam spots us first.

"Louis!" He yells. 

The rest of the boys all get up off the couch and quickly come over and hug me tightly.

 

"We are so glad you're here Louis, we are so proud of you" Andy tells me as he wraps his arms around me. 

I smile at them all and Andy leads me over to the couch next to him.

"How are you feeling Louis? Do you want to have a sleep before we all sit down together and talk or would you just like to get it over and done with?" Liam asked.

Ughhhh I know I'm about to be hounded with rules and what I need to do at what time. It's so frustrating, I'm already getting defensive.

"I think maybe a sleep would be good Lou, you are looking a little pale" Zayn says.

"No I'm fine, can we just get their over with" I say frustratedly.

"Sure bud" Andy says.

"Okay so as you know, Andy and I have legal control over your well being and finances. This does not mean we are going to abuse our position Lou. We will be consulting you about every decision we make and ultimately we would like you to make the final right decision" Liam says.

Okay well that's good, I still get a say in some things...... If they do listen.

"In regards to food we all think it's best if we go back to the food box, what do you think?" Liam asks me.

Wow, the fact that they are even asking me is a big deal.

"Um yeah....yeah that's good" I say quietly.

"Someone is going to be home with you all the time Louis at least until you can show us that we can trust you to be alone and not do anything silly. Kimberly will also be here twice a week for a session and eventually we will bring it down to one. This is all up to you Louis and how you are handling everything" Liam finishes.

This makes me angry and frustrated and so upset, I feel like I want to yell and scream and kick something. I can't help it when a few tears escape but I'm to upset to even wipe them away discretely.

"Why are you crying bud? What's going through your head" Zayn asks me. Placing his hand on my knee.

"Nothing" I say shakily.

"Louis, please. You need to talk to us, otherwise this isn't going to work" Andy says.

He is right I need to say what I'm feeling If I have any sort of chance of making the next three months as painless as possible. I take a big breath.

"I'm, I'm angry......I'm really angry at you all right now" I say.

"Why Louis? Talk to us" Andy says.

And I snap.

"I'm so angry I feel trapped and Like I'm some sort of exhibit, I feel like I'm constantly judged and watched and it makes me uneasy and upset. I was doing perfectly fine on my own for four years I was on my own and I did fine. I slipped once but I got myself back on track but that didn't seem to be enough for you guys to trust me and for you to respect me......as soon as that stupid magazine said something negative about me about how I was thinner and about how I was on drugs, which, at the time was a lie. You guys believed it though straight away without even listen or talking to me about it. You just assumed the worst. Every time I would talk to you it was about how I wasn't acting right or how I wasn't okay but I was, I was going to the gym and I even saw nutritionist to help me with my food intake and what I needed to eat in order to be healthy. I was working really hard but you didn't see that.....none of you saw that you just saw me going off the track. Then........Harry came along and all of a sudden I was just supposed to welcome Harry back after what he did to me and I felt like you didn't even care about me or my feelings. Harry wasn't , didn't and isn't going to fix me. Incase you don't remember I fixed myself. It took a while but I did it myself. When I started slipping I didn't care anymore because you already thought the worst of me. I couldn't call you and tell you about it because you wouldn't listen to me. None of you did so I kept slipping just to spite you and I regret that now but I did it because I needed to at the time. I'm sorry it isn't your fault but I just....." I finish off my yelling speel.

Everything I have been holding inside for the last few months. The boys look at me stunned.

"Louis. We are so so so sorry kid, I honestly don't know what to say to you" Zayn says.

"You have to understand we were coming from a place of pure worry and love for you Louis, I'm truly sorry we just wanted to protect you" Niall says.

"I know and I get that, but I just don't want it to be like this anymore I want you to respect me and when I tell you I'm fine I just want you to listen . Please" I say.

"Of course Louis we promise okay.....but you need to respect us enough to tell us the truth and not hide what you are really feeling and thinking, do we have a deal?" Andy asks.

"Yeah, yeah we have a deal" I say.

The boys all smile at me and Liam starts talking again.

"You know, I have missed this. We haven't been like this in four years, just us, no kids or wives around. I'm really glad we have the chance to bond together again" Liam says.

"Ohhhh Liam getting all sentimental on us again" Niall mocks. 

"No,I'm serious shut it! We all live such busy lives I think it's nice to just stand back for a bit and take it for what it is. This" Liam says pointing to us all " is what's important and I love all of you and would do anything for any of you" Liam says.

We smile at Liam before Zayn pipes in.

"Okay enough of the sappy shit, who wants to watch a movie like old times" Zayn says.

We all agree and head off towards the theatre. I'm glad we all talked and hopefully the boys stay true to their word and we can make this work for the next three months.


	19. Chapter 19

LOUIS POV

"Louis!!" Liam yells for me from the kitchen.

"What, Li" I say as I round the kitchen and sit on a bar stool across from Liam.

I'm dressed in my skinny jeans and a black sweater with my black vans. It's been a week since I left hospital and have been living with the boys, it's been going pretty well and the boys have kept their word about respecting me and my limits and have been really great and encouraging. Liam has agreed to let Daniel come and take me to a football game tonight and it will my first public appearance since I was admitted to hospital. To say I'm nervous is an understatement.

"Listen I just had a call from your manager Simon, He just wanted to tell me that he has made it public that you are going to be at the game tonight" Liam says carefully, trying to gauge my reaction.

"What!!! Why??? Li I'm I'm not ready for that....I don't want to deal with the paps and fans and cameras in my face just yet" I say panicking,

"I told him that, but he thinks this is good for your career. You have been out a while now and people are worried, they want to know you're okay and will be going back to work" Liam tells me.

"I know, I get it.... but I don't want to be hounded Li" I say quietly.

"I know and Simon agreed with me that we need to hire you a security guard for when you go to things like this" Liam says.

That could be a good idea, at least having someone to push the photographers out of the way would help.

"Okay yeah.... I guess that's good" I say.

"We need to talk about you heading back to work as well, I know now is not a good time but soon yeah?" Liam says seriously.

"I don't want to do any campaigns that Zach is involved with Li, I will have to pull out of my contracts with H&K and if 'London now' still wants me,but I doubt they do anymore so it doesn't matter anyway. I just can't be around him" I say.

"I understand completely but we will talk about this later, a lot has happened since you have been sick I will have to fill you in" Liam says smiling.

"Fill me in?" I asks sceptically.

Liam just smirks at me. I really have no idea what's been going on, I haven't been on Twitter or watched any news channels and I certainly haven't seen any magazines lately. 

The doorbell then rings interrupting out conversation.

"That will be Alberto" Liam says.

"Alberto?" I ask.

"Yep, your new security guard. Come I'll introduce you" he tells me.

I follow him out to the entryway just as Greta is opening the front door, a huge beefy security guy walks in the room. He is a bit taller than me with black hair and he is really intimidating. That is until he smiles at me.

"Hey Alberto how are you mate?" Liam says shaking his hand.

"Liam! good to see you again" Alberto smiles out. 

He then turns towards me and smiles.

"And you must be Louis! It's really nice to meet you" He says and Immediately I love him.

His professional I can tell, but underneath he seems like a big teddy bear. He gives off a very comforting and safe vibe. I smile towards him and shake his outstretched hand.

"It's nice to meet you too" I reply.

"Let's head into the Lounge room so we can talk some things through" Liam says as we follow him back down the hallway.

When we enter the lounge we all sit down in the sofas. 

"So Louis, Alberto has been hired by my-self and the boys label, he doesn't work for Simon he works for us. With that in mind he has signed completely binding and flawless legal declarations and confidentiality agreements" Liam starts.

"Ummmm why does he need to do that?" I ask shyly.

"To protect you Louis" Alberto pipes in.

"It means anything that happens while you are with him or anything he hears, is strictly confidential and cannot be taken to publicly" Liam says.

"Okayyyyyy" I say, still not sure where this is going.

"What we are trying to say Louis is that Alberto knows everything about you. What's happened in your past and the reasons you were in hospital" Liam clarifies.

"Oh" I say.

I'm a little scared that he will tell the press all about me. Even though what happened in high school with Mr Charles was made public when it happened, it's never been dug up and I'd like to keep it that way. 

"Louis, you and I will be working closely together and I'd like you to be able to trust me. It goes hand in hand with keeping you safe" Alberto says.

"Okay, just....please don't tell anyone anything, I really don't think I could handle that" I say looking at my lap.

"You have my word Louis, it's all in my contract but I'd like to verbally confirm that I'm here to protect you and would never break a confidentiality agreement" Alberto says.

"Okay, well if Liam and the boys trust you then, I guess I can try too" I smile.

"Thank you Louis" Alberto smiles back.

"Wanna play some FIFA? We still have like an hour before Daniel gets here and we have to leave" I ask Alberto.

"Ummm I don't think that's very professional, I'll just watch and make sure you are safe" Alberto says uncomfortably. I laugh a real laugh.

"Safe playing FIFA?? If your going to be my bodyguard you can at least have some fun" I say as I throw a controller at him that he only just catches. 

Alberto looks towards Liam for a silent confirmation.

"Look I have no issue with it at all, as long as Louis is looked after I don't have a problem. You two do need to get to know each other better too, you will be spending a lot of time together I predict" Liam smiles.

"See even the big scary boss has okayed it, now pick your team and prepare to be ass wipped" I say smiling.

Alberto smiles back at me and comes to to sit next to me on the couch. For the next hour Alberto and I play the Xbox and the game is pretty tight. Alberto is actually good. We laugh together and I actually take a liking to him. Trusting him doesn't seem like it will be an issue. 

"You didn't tell me you were actually good Al" I say giving him a nickname already.

"Al?" He questions laughing.

"Yeah Al, I like it" I smile cheekily at him.

He rolls his eyes at me 

"You Louis Tomlinson I can tell, are going to be a challenge to look after" he says.

I just smile a cheeky smile at him.

"I have no idea what you are talking about" I say.

Alberto laughs and we go back to playing. 

When the doorbell rings again, I jump up excitedly.

"That's Daniel, you will love him Al" I say as I leave the room and a laughing Al behind. 

I reach the front door and open it hurriedly. I see Daniel standing in the doorway smiling, when has jeans and a grey jumper and beanie on. He looks quite hot to be honest.

"Dan" I say smiling as I lunge for him and he hugs me back tightly.

"How are you kiddo, I've missed you" he says.

We pull back smiling.

"You look really good Louis" he says genuinely.

I can't help but blush.

I show Daniel in and towards the Lounge room where Liam and Al are waiting. After introductions are done and Liam explains what's going to happen tonight, we get ready to go.

"Here I was thinking we were just going to watch a game of football" Daniel smiles out.

"I'm sorry Dan, If you don't want to go anymore I-I understand" I say feeling guilty this has turned into a huge event.

"Oh Louis, I didn't mean it like that. I'm excited to be going, I would of dressed a bit nicer if I'd known we would be photographed is all" he smiles.

I smile back. 

"Now come on let's get out of here" he says.

We head outside to the car that's waiting for us that Liam organised, Alberto is driving and Daniel and I sit in the back seat. There is a privacy screen between Alberto and Daniel and I. When we are settled Daniel turns to me.

"So how's your first week at home been?" He asks kindly.

"Yeah good actually, the boys have been really good and respecting my choices which is nice" I say.

"And how's your eating going?" He continues.

"Fine, I have my food box back and Its not overwhelming me, I know I've done it before and I can do it again" I say.

Daniel nods at me. 

"And Kimberly?" He asks.

I sigh. My relationship with Kimberly is still rough. I haven't forgiven her fully, I feel like she betrayed me the most in all this and I'm still reluctant to talk and fully open up to her.

"Fine" I say as I turn to look out the window"

"Sorry Lou, I shouldn't have brought all this up, we are hanging out and we should be enjoying it, I'm sorry" Daniel says.

I turn back towards him and smile.

"It's fine, please don't apologise I don't mind talking about this stuff with you" I say.

"Well good I should hope not" he laughs.

"So... How's Harry?" I ask shyly.

Daniel laughs loudly

"Lover boy is good Lou, upset he can't see you everyday though. He misses you like crazy, said he will be down next Wednesday" he tells me.

I smile.

"I'm jealous here Louis, tonight we are hanging out" Daniel laughs and I shove his shoulder and laugh too.

When we pull up to the stadium, it's completely packed and swamped with paparazzi and fans. As I look out the window my face pales.

"Shit" I say under my breath but Alberto and Daniel hear me.

"Don't worry Louis, Trust me to get you past them quickly and safely okay" Al tells me.

"Yeah" I whisper.

"Daniel are you okay with this?" Alberto asks him.

"Um yeah yeah of course, I just want Louis to be okay" he says,

"Well that's my job" Alberto says winking at me. I can't help but smile.

We pull up and everything happens so quickly. I'm ushered out by Alberto and we wait for Daniel to get out of the car. Then we are swamped.

"Louis, how are you feeling?" 

"LOUIS, YOU ARE SO FUCKING HOT" 

"Louis, is it true you nearly died?" 

I'm yelled at from all different directions, Alberto grabs me by the arm and the waist and makes sure Daniel is following and is okay. Alberto manages to guide us unharmed through the mob and towards the back exit to the stadium. When we make it safely inside I relax.

"Wow, that was bloody intense" Daniel says.

"Yeah" I say breathlessly.

"Thanks Al" I smile.

"No worries, I actually didn't think they would be that insane Louis, I'm glad I was here" he says.

We head down the corridor and are greeted by important club members and managers. We are led to a corporate box with all the boring people inside. It's quite and I don't like it, I want to be down in The stands feeling the atmosphere of the game. I turn towards Daniel.

"Do you want to sit in here, it looks so boring I was kind of hoping to sit in the stands. Would you mind?" I ask shyly.

"Not at all Lou, I agree, this kind of looks like it's exciting for my grandparents" Daniel says jokingly. 

I laugh and whisper to Al that we want to sit in the stands. He goes off to find some people to talk to while Daniel and I head to the bar to get a drink and Daniel a hotdog. I stick to coke and so does Daniel as he has to drive home later tonight. I offered for him to stay with us but he has to get back for work. I'm disappointed we can't spend more time together. Daniel gets his hot dog and digs in. He looks like he is enjoying it and I envy him in a way.

"Want some Lou?" He asks around a mouthful of food.

"Ummmm no" I say shaking my head.

I can't eat that I just can't.

"Are you sure?" Daniel smiles.

He brings the hotdog towards my face laughing at me.

"Okay maybe just one bite" I whisper.

"Go for it" Daniel says. 

I smile and take a small bite if hotdog and It tastes incredible.

"Wow that is so good" I say with my mouth full causing Daniel to then laugh at me,

"See I told you" he says smirking.

He then looks at me in the eyes and for some reason we both stop and stare at each other. Daniel then reaches out and thumbs some sauce off my cheek. Suddenly he starts leaning in and for some reason I feel okay about it. Our faces are close together and our lips are only a few centimetres away form each other, we are seriously about to touch...... when Alberto comes in and interrupts us, causing us to pull away from each other quickly.

"Okay boys your stand seats are ready" He says.

We smile and follow him out in relatively comfortable silence. We were just about to kiss!! Holy shit, what about Harry, why didn't I pull away? I feel so confused right now. I really don't know what to say or do. We finally arrive at our seats and when we sit down Daniel turns to me.

"Louis! I'm so sorry I shouldn't have done that" he says regretfully.

I can't help but feel rejected, he thinks it was a mistake. I can't help the feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I'm not good enough. I'm trying though ,I'm trying so hard to be normal and eat properly. I know he probably thinks I'm too much of a freak to even find attractive. 

"Its fine really don't worry about it" I say, trying my hardest not to show how upset I am. 

It's not like I like Daniel, actually I have never thought about him In that way until now. I don't have feelings for him do I? 

"Are you okay Lou? I'm so sorry I shouldn't have put you in that position" Daniel says clearly upset.

"It's fine Dan really stop stressing out, let's just enjoy the game" I smile out.

Daniel returns my smile enthusiastically and we start talking again, acting like nothing was even about to happen between us. The tension dies down and we enjoy the game. I get asked for a few autographs and pictures throughout the game and I can see people taking photos of me and Daniel the whole time. I need to check Twitter when I get home. Daniel and I laugh and cheer and have an amazing time together. His rejection sitting in the back of my mind.

When it's time to leave, Alberto escorts us back through the stands and I can see people looking and whispering things about me. I automatically think the worst and I feel so self conscious. We are led through the hallways where we get to meet the team and I'm asked to take photos with some of the players. It's fun and they are all lovely and Daniel is completely eating it up and loving every second of it. He gets his jersey signed by the players and the smile on his face doesn't fade once. I'm glad this could make him happy, it's nice to see him smile.

When we step outside together there is another mass of people, more than when we arrived. Some of the security for the stadium is asked to come and help us get back to our car. 

"Okay Dan I'm going to escort you first okay because once Louis is in the car it will be swarmed and there will be no way I can leave him or get you back through safely" Alberto tells us.

"Okay" I agree.

I'm left with the stadium security while Al leads Daniel back to the car. I'm surrounded and no one can get to me, I feel safe. I can hear a lot of questions being yelled at me but I completely ignore them. Al is back in record time and he grabs my arm and my waist and begins to lead me through the swarm. Halfway back to the car I hear a really familiar voice yelling at me, I can make it out over the crowd. The voice is telling me how I'm ugly and fat and should never have made it as a model and how disgusting I am. All I can hear are his words, I frantically look around to try and find his face but I can't see him. It's it all in my head? I swear it was him. I'm breathing heavily by the time I get safely inside the car next to Daniel and he notices straight away that something is wrong.

"Are you okay Lou? Look at me, what happened?" He asks concerned as he grabs my face.

"Um I'm.....no I'm fine it was just loud and overwhelming, just thought I heard someone I knew is all" I say quietly.

"Your shaking Louis" Daniel says as he sits closer to me and wraps his arms around me. 

I fall in his embrace and I breath in his smell. It is so different to Harry but Daniel smells amazing too. I look towards his face and he is staring at me again. His eyes keep going to my lips and my breath hitches as he leans in again but this time we aren't interrupted and his lips connect with mine. 

I don't respond at first I'm too stunned but my instincts take over and I kiss him back. He feels warm and soft and in that moment I forget about everything. Daniel brings his hand up to cup my cheek and the kiss deepens. He slips his tongue easily into my mouth and we kiss heatedly . I bring my hands to his chest and grab at his shirt, wanting more. We both break away panting like crazy.

"Uhh" the sound slips from my mouth shamelessly.

We look into each other's eyes and lean in again going back to snogging each other completely lost in our own world, breathless but neither of us pulls back. Daniel pulls me onto his lap and I straddle him. He moans when our crutches touch and it sends something through me. I need to stop I can't do this. But Daniel is here and he feels so nice and tastes like cherry coke and I really like it. We start grinding on each other moaning into each other's mouths, we keep going and going trying to get enought friction, suddenly Daniel pulls back.

"Louis" Daniel says breathlessly."I'm I'm close" he says as I grind down harder. 

He kisses me again and I can feel the coil in my stomach. 

"Me too" I whisper out as I pull back to look at him.

I bite my lip and Daniel comes then and there in his pants looking me in the eyes. I grind on him as he rides out his orgasim, moaning and whispering my name.

"Dan" I whisper as my orgasim hits me. 

Daniel holds me by the waist and guides me as I rock back and forth panting breathlessly. As we come down from our highs, We sit there staring at each other regaining our breaths. We don't move and we don't say anything, We just stare at each other the whole way home.

When we pull up at home and we say our goodbyes they are quick and a little uncomfortable. After saying goodbye to Alberto I head straight to my bedroom and into the ensuite for a shower. I quickly clean myself up and my head is spinning. What did I just do? The guilt I feel is insane and I can't help the few tears I shed as I crawl into bed. That night my sleep is filled with nightmares and for some reason after so many years of Mr Charles.....


	20. Chapter 20

LOUIS POV

The next morning I wake up and I feel like complete shit. I had the worst sleep and as I come down the stairs for breakfast I feel exhausted. I'm still in my pyjamas and I couldn't care less. I walk into the dining room to the boys listening intently to the TV. It's not until I hear my name come from the speakers that I take any notice.

"Son of Mark Tomlinson and famous model Louis Tomlinson, made his first public appearance in five weeks last night at the Doncaster rovers football match. A statement from Louis family confirmed he has been in hospital recovering from an infection in his kidney. Last night Louis looked well and was happy to stop for fans to take pictures and sign autographs. The Model has been highly sort out and recent reports suggest he is in high demand now that he has recovered and out of hospital. His love life seems to be taking a turn as well as he was spotted getting cosy with a mystery blonde man at the game" the TV blares.

A picture of Daniel and I laughing and smiling together comes up on the screen. I sigh, I knew this would happen. I just feel so guilty, what is Harry going to think.

The boys turn the TV off and turn around to finish eating breakfast, they see me in the doorway and smile.

"Hey Lou, how was your night last night?" Zayn asks.

"Yeah it was good, Alberto was great.....it was good" I say fidgeting with my fingers. 

I don't know what else to say, I can't tell them about Daniel can I? I'm so confused maybe they can help me figure it out, I don't know. I'm going to have to explain something, the media as usual has misconstrued everything. I'm so sick of it. I continue my thoughts as I walk in and sit at the table. I take a bowl from the centre and pour in my usual breakfast of oats. Oats fill me up and have low calories so they are a safe food for me. I grab the kettle filled with boiling water that's ready for me in the middle of the table and pour it in. I don't let my mind think about eating at all, If I do I will go backwards. I focus on my other thoughts about what the fuck I'm going to do about Daniel and Harry and how much I'm angry at the paps and it's making me not want to go back to work again.

The boys are looking at me and sharing looks of concern, I can't concentrate on my thoughts they are distracting me.

"I'm fine, stop looking at me like that" I say frustratingly.

"Okay babe, we are here when your ready to talk" Liam says.

"I don't want to go back to work Liam. I'm sick of the media and how they follow my every move" I yell.

"Okay, calm down Kid" Andy says.

"What's happened Louis?" Niall asks.

Tears sting my eyes.

"What am I famous for? Because of dad and because I can take a good fucking picture, I loved my job, I did, I still do.....it's just now I'm being followed and mobbed and people report on my every move. I'm not dating Daniel but now the world thinks I am, I don't want Daniel to feel uncomfortable and I don't want Harry too either. I'm scared that they are going to dig up my past and I don't want that to come out. I don't want to work with Zach either, I never want to see him again. I just hate it right now" I yell frustratingly.

"It's okay Louis, you don't have to go back to work right now, no one is making you do anything. You need to focus on yourself and what's right for you at the moment" Niall says

"Zach isn't working anymore either Louis, the media caught on to the fact he was dealing drugs and using. He was caught with possession and as a result his campaigns dropped him when they heard the news. He left you out of everything, your name wasn't mentioned after we got our legal team involved. You won't have to worry about working with him anymore" Liam tells me.

"What? Really? But.....what if he comes after me and blames me?" I ask, slightly freaking out.

"Well that's partly why we hired Alberto, but last we heard he skipped town to Jamaica and is working over there" Andy says,

Thank fuck, well that's one less thing I have to worry about.

"And as for Harry and Daniel they both understand Louis, Harry of all people knows what the media is like, he grew up in it just like us" Zayn says.

I slowly nod my head.

"That's not what you were talking about though is it?" Andy asks.

I look down at my bowl and slightly shake my head no.

"What happened Lou?" Liam asks.

"Daniel kissed me and........I kissed him back and we may have gotten each other off in the back of the car after the game" I say in a whisper.

The boys gasp.

"We were fully clothed nothing else happened, I liked it, I did....but I feel so guilty. I don't want to be with Daniel I want to be with Harry.... But I don't know, I'm just so confused and I'm such a fucked up awful person Harry will hate me" I say.

And the tears fall, I bring my hands up to my face and cry. Zayn is pulling me to him in a second.

"Oh my gosh Louis, you are not an awful person kid. Your emotions are everywhere at the moment, you and Harry aren't together either so it's not like you cheated on him. It's perfectly okay Louis" he reassured me.

"Louis, Harry will understand, you and Daniel have a connection it's understandable, Daniel is probably just as confused as you are. You just need to talk to both of them about it okay, nothing bad will happen Harry loves you with everything he has" Liam says.

I slowly nod my head as I wipe my tears on my sleeve.

"You don't have to decide anything right now Louis, don't pressure yourself" Andy says. 

"Yeah, I guess your right" I say back.

We go back to eating breakfast in silence. Me mulling over my predicament. Niall is looking at his phone and he breaks the silence with a laugh.

"Hey Louis, you are sending Twitter into a complete meltdown #howhotislouisT Is trending worldwide" Niall stays laughing like its the most amazing thing in the world.

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

Niall hands over his phone and it's true, I'm trending worldwide with pictures of me everywhere and at last nights game. Wow people actually think look hot. This is amazing, I can't help but blush.

"Louis Tomlinson the hottest heartbreaker around" Andy mocks.

"Shut up Andy" I say shyly, trying to suppress my smile.

The boys go on teasing me for the rest of breakfast but I don't mind, I just can't believe I'm actually trending on Twitter. Liam's phone suddenly rings breaking their teasing.

"Here we go Lou, so many people want to book you" Liam says holding up his phone as he gets up from his seat to answer.

I sigh, I just don't know if I want to go back to modelling, I got so caught up with the industry and Zach and I just want to know I can hold my own again. 

Liam comes back to the table about 10 minutes later.

"Okay Louis, that was 'London Now' they want you kid and are willing to pay you a motzer to get you" Liam says.

Wholly shit they still want me? This is huge!! But am I ready?

"What did you tell them?" I ask.

"I told them to send through their offer and I'd discuss it with you and get back to them" Liam says.

I sigh in relief.

"I understand if you don't want to work Lou and Kimberly will want to talk it through with you too. I need to give them an answer in four days, No pressure though okay, it's completely up to you. Just think it over" Liam says.

"Yeah okay, thanks Li" I say.

He smiles and I get up to leave the table. I head back upstairs to my bedroom. I look at my phone and see a message from Daniel.

"Hey Lou, we need to talk" it says .

Fuck ughhhh this is where I get rejected again!! 

I decide to have a shower and wash my hair and brush my teeth. I need to confront Daniel and Harry about this and the Longer I leave it the more I'm going to go insane. I feel guilty but why should I? Like Zayn said, Harry and I aren't together and I haven't had sex in four whole years. Harry has been off having all kinds of fun. That's not the point though, that's not me and I need to respect that Harry obviously felt he needed to do that. What if Daniel wants more though! What if he actually likes me? I mean Daniel is great, he is funny and hot and I enjoy hanging out with him and last night was pretty dam good. Ughhhh why is this so fucking hard. Why do I even have to choose. I need to just talk to both Harry and Daniel and get it all out in the open and see what happens. 

I make my way out of the shower and to my wardrobe. The boys brought me all new clothes and completely filled my wardrobe. I put a pair of black skinny jeans on and they are still a little big but I guess they want me to aim to fit into these clothes and I'm fine with that. I don't have to put on to much weight to achieve that goal. I'm happy they are willing to compromise with me on that. I put a navy blue sweater on and my grey vans. I don't even bother styling my hair and leave it messy across my forehead. 

 

I walk back downstairs and go to find Andy,I need to go to London right now. I find him lounging on the sofa eating chips watching TV. I can't help but laugh.

"What's up Lou" he says as I sit next to him in the couch.

"I need to go to London can I go?" I ask. Sounding like a child, I inwardly roll my eyes at the pathetic situation I'm in.

"Ummmm what for?" He asks, sitting up and paying attention.

"I need to talk to Daniel and then to Harry I need to tell him what happened and Daniel wants to talk to me and I just need to get it over and done with and..." I ramble 

"Okay okay calm down kid, alright you can go to London....but I need to go with you" he says.

"Okay deal, but I'm driving" I say.

"Fine deal" he rolls his eyes at me.

"Let's go then" I say frustratingly, I just want to get there.

"What now?" He asks.

"Yes now....please Andy come on" 

"Alright babe just let me get changed give me 5" he says.

He gets up and leaves the room to get dressed and to tell Liam where we are going. I look at my watch and it's 11am we will be in London by 1:30 and should be back home by 7 tonight if all goes well. 

I walk outside and decide to take Liam's Aston Martin much to his protests.

"It's fine Liam I won't crash it okay I promise" I assure him.

"Louis, that car is my absolute baby, please be careful" he says.

"Liam seriously calm down, I'm a great driver" I say. 

"Sophia is going to kill me, you will be dealing with her if anything goes wrong" he says pointedly.

I roll my eyes at him and take the keys out of this hands.

I go and start the car and we get on the road.

"So what's your actual plan Lou, like what exactly do you plan to say?" Andy asks me seriously.

"Ummmm well, I dunno like.....I just thought it would come to me" I say honestly.

"Okay well I don't think that's going to work, lets roll play, pretend I'm Daniel....go" he says 

"Um Daniel, I um really like you... but I think I like Harry more" I say.

Andy pisses himself laughing at me.

"What???" I ask, shoving him as he continues to laugh.

"I'm sorry Lou, you really cannot say that though babe" He says, hiding his laugh.

"Well Mr I know everything. And I'm so fucking cool. Tell me what to say" I say dramatically.

And Andy does, we sit for the whole two hours working out what is really going on in my head and what I actually want. It turns out I'm more confused than I thought and the closer we get to Harry's the more I want to turn back. We pull up to the apartment block. I haven't been here in two months. Andy tells me he will wait in the car while I go and speak to Harry.

"You're okay Louis, this is fine nothing is going to go wrong and I'm right here okay. If you need me, I'll come straight up I promise" he comforts me.

I nod my head and take a deep breath. I get out of the car and slowly make my way to Harry's apartment. I get there and I stand out the front of his door for 10 minutes, I can here voices and laughing, someone else is definitely in his apartment. It must be Cameron. I go to knock about 10 times wanting so badly to just turn around and go home, but I don't. I work up the courage and I knock. Then I realise what I actually did.

Shit!!! I fucking knocked what the fuck are you doing Louis, you should of turned around!!!!!fuck, fuck, fuck. I have an internal freak out. 

Suddenly the door swings open revealing Harry in his tight black boxers and no shirt. Holding a £20.

"Um I'm worth a lot more than that thanks Haz" I say smirking a little. 

Harry seems shocked to see me and if I'm not mistaken a little panicked, He looks at me and then at the note and seems to come to his senses.

"Sorry Lou, I thought it was the pizza guy" He says smiling slightly.

He seems to be avoiding my eyes.

"Oh, am I interrupting something?" I ask. Harry is acting really strange.

Then a voice comes from inside.

"Haz, babe what's taking so long, where's the pizza?" He says and walks over to the door.

My jaw drops to the floor.

"David?" I ask.

Harry looks down at the floor. Joeys older brother David is standing in Harry's living room with no shirt on and just his boxers. David's arm snakes around Harry's waist and I can't breathe. It then clicks that Harry's two year relationship with 'David' was actually Joey's older brother David. He spent two years with him. Shit, and they seem to be quite cozy together right now. Obviously something's been going on. Are they back together? My breathing picks up.

"Wait ummm so David is David?" I whisper out more to myself than anyone else.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" David asks venomously towards me.

"Um I actually don't know, I'm sorry.... I'm just leaving" I say quietly in a complete daze as I turn to leave.

"Louis, please" Harry says his voice breaking.

"Yeah you are fucking leaving, you killed my brother and you don't even deserve to be in the same room as me, I never want to see your fucking face again" David spits.

"David!" Is all Harry says, he turns towards David and tells him something and David heads back inside, but not before he glares at me. Harry then follows me down the hallway.

"Louis, it's not what you think" Harry says worriedly trying to stop me from walking away.

"Not what I think? You were in a two year relationship with Joey's older brother Harry, what the fuck, and now your back together ?" I yell.

"No Lou, he flew over to see me, he doesn't want us to break up, he wants to get back together but I told him I'm not sure" Harry says.

"You told him your not sure? What happened to 'I'll wait forever for you Lou' ? Is that only possible if you're allowed to date other people in between?" I ask.

"No Lou, I'm sorry" he says.

"Did you sleep with him?" I ask angrily.

Silence follows. 

"I hate you" I yell and I actually push Harry up against the wall "I fucking hate you" I yell at him still pinning him against the wall.

"Woah Louis what's going on" Andy grabs me off Harry as he comes out of the lift.

"I never want to see you again" I yell, my voice breaking as the tears come.

"Louis, don't say that please don't say that, I'm so sorry. David and I aren't together, I promise !!it was a mistake Louis" Harry yells trying to get me to listen.

I can't though I just need to leave.

Andy leads me to the car not even bothering with Harry and I cry in his arms when we get there. Andy tells me he will drive and I sit in the passenger seat looking out the window as the tears fall all the way home.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments and kudos. I'm sorry if I disapointed a few people with the last chapter and I hope this one doesn't disapoint too, but I'm just going to keep posting my story how I originally wrote it. Love you all xo

LOUIS POV

my phone has been ringing non stop for the past 24 hours. Harry's number calling and calling and calling. I can't take it, I'm about to throw my phone across the room. I refuse to speak to him, how the fuck could he do this to me. He is an asshole and I don't want to see him ever again. I think the words but deep down I know that's not true, I'm so jealous and upset. 

I haven't let what's happened with Harry effect my eating habits, I refuse to let Harry control me and my emotions I'm better than that. I've gotten through him leaving before and I can do it again. I'm going to get healthy for me and Harry will not bring me down. I've cried and cried and I'm sick of crying I'm done. I need to move on from Harry and I will. 

It's two days later when I walk into Liam's office where he is doing some work from home.

"Li, I want to go back to work, I'm ready I need to do this" I say to him. 

I look him in the eyes as I try to portray how serious I actually am about it. He looks at me and opens his mouth to say something, then he closes it again.

"I want to accept the contract with 'London Now' " I tell him.

"Alright Lou, I'm trusting you to be making the best decision for you okay. I just need to ask you, are you 100% sure?" He asks.

"Yeah Li, this is what I want I want to get back to work, something I know I'm good at and that I enjoy. I know I can do this" I say smiling slightly.

"Okay Louis, I trust you and if this works out well then you are definitely well on your way to getting your life and finances back. I'm really proud of you Louis" Liam says.

I haven't told the boys what Harry did or who he was with. It's not my place to make them angry at Harry. 

"Thanks Liam" I say smiling.

"I'll call them and let them know you have accepted, the campaign starts in a month so we will work out your schedule when I know what's going on" Liam reply's smiling at me. 

I smile back at Liam and walk out of the office to go downstairs to the pool area and sit on the lounge chair in the sun. I still haven't spoken to Daniel about anything, I don't really want to do it via text message but I really have no choice. I take out my phone and try to think of something to say.

"I'm sorry I haven't replied to you, I'm not sure what to say" I type out.

I wait for a response but 10 minuets later and I still don't have one from Daniel, but I get a message from Harry.

"Louis, it's not what it looked like. Please let me explain, do you honestly think I would throw you away like that?" It says. 

I sigh, I don't know whether to respond or not. I still feel guilty about Daniel though and I still think Harry deserves to know about it. 

"No offence Harry but you've thrown me away before,why wouldn't you do it again?" I send back.

"Can we just talk Louis please, let me explain everything" he reply's seconds later.

"I turned up at your apartment to talk to you because I kissed Daniel and I felt so so guilty about it and I couldn't stop thinking about how much you mean to me and how much I let you down. I thought you deserved to know. I was so confused, I still am confused but, we don't belong together Harry or this wouldn't be be so complicated and hard" I write back.

 

I put my phone down and wait for a reply. It never comes. I sit beside the pool in the sun for a few hours just thinking about my life. I'm not mad at Harry I have no right to be, I acted out because I was jealous and I really only have myself to blame for that. Harry has been telling me for weeks that he wants me back and wants to make it work and I can't really blame him for moving on when I have rejected his advances twice. I thought that I was doing the right thing, that I was allowing myself to heal before committing to a relationship but I'm definitely second thinking that now. I shouldn't have put Harry in that position, that he felt like he needed to choose and I wasn't even a guarantee. Regardless of the fact I hate David and I don't understand why Harry would go there,he must of had his reasons. They have history together and that must have been hard after two years to completely detach himself from David. I'm sure Harry is just as confused, I should hear him out....If he ever wants to speak to me after what happened between Daniel and I. 

I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't notice Niall coming outside until he speaks.

"Ummmm Lou?" He says, like he is worried he is interrupting me.

I turn to look at him.

"There is um someone here to see you babe" He says.

Daniel steps out from behind him and smiles sheepishly.

"Hey kiddo" he says. 

"Hey" I say back with a slight smile.

"You okay if I leave you two alone?" Niall asks, making sure I'm not uncomfortable,

"Yeah" I say nodding my head.

Daniel walks over and sits down in front of me on the pool lounge so we are facing each other.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asks.

"Yeah I guess" I reply, shrugging my shoulders.

"Do you mind if we talk?" Daniel asks.

"Sure...I think we need to" I say smiling slightly.

Daniel takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes.

"Lou, I want to apologise for what happened between us the other night. You must have been so confused" he says.

"I'm.....yeah confused is a good word, I'm so sorry too, I just guess we got caught up in the moment" I say.

"Yeah....Lou, I really really like you a lot but.... you belong with Harry and what we did was great, really great but...." Daniel rambles.

"It's okay Dan I understand I liked it too... I like you I do, but my heart is still with Harry and I'm sorry I was unfair to you, I didn't exactly pull away or anything" I say looking down shyly.

"Hey... Lou, no! You weren't unfair to me at all. We are both consenting adults and we got caught up in the moment and I really don't want this to effect our relationship. I really like hanging out with you and I want us to remain close, just....platonically" he laughs slightly.

I'm so relieved that Daniel feels the same way as me. I was so worried he would want something more or even worse not want to be around me anymore, I don't know what I would have done if that was the case. 

"I like hanging out with you too Dan and I really really want to keep our friendship,you mean a lot to me" I reply.

"Phew, well I'm glad we cleared that up" he says laughing out relieved. I can't help but return the laugh.

"So have um have you... told Harry? Are you going too? Or..." Daniel asks uncomfortably.

I sigh.

"Well, I actually went to tell him two days ago, I drove all the way to London with Andy...but when I got there he answered the door in his underwear and his ex was inside, in his underwear too and I think they are back together. I did tell him by message though that you and me...." I trail off upset.

 

"What? Well Harry hasn't mentioned anyone, he would have told me. Are you sure they are together, together? " Daniel asks.

"Well, Harry said it wasn't what it looked like and of course I didn't give him the chance to explain. I just yelled at him and said I hated him and ran" I say sheepishly.

"Understandable, have you talked to him since?" Daniel asks.

"He has been calling non stop but I've been ignoring his calls, I messaged him today and told him about what happened between you and I but he hasn't responded, probably hates my guts" 

"I'm sure that's not true Lou, I think you and Harry need to talk though" Daniel says.

"Yeah I think your right but he obviously doesn't want to talk to me" I respond.

Niall then decides to come back outside, interrupting us. 

"Um Lou?" He says again.

"Yeah Ni?" I ask confused. 

"Um there is someone else here to see you" he says again but this time he sounds really sceptical to let them in.

I raise an eyebrow at him just as Harry comes through the doors, Andy and Zayn hot on his feet.

"Haz, I don't think this is a good time" Zayn tries.

"Z I just want to talk to him please" Harry responds.

He sees me on the lounge and Daniel in front of me. He looks between us before he is storming over and grabbing Daniel by the shirt and lifting it up in the air.

"You have no right to touch him" Harry growls at Daniel.

"Harry!!" Zayn yells.

Niall, Andy and Zayn head straight for Harry to try and calm him down. I stand up completely stunned.

"Harry, let him go... Daniel did nothing wrong" I say.

"Nothing wrong.....he kissed you Louis. He knows we should be together, but he went and did It anyway" Harry says heatedly.

"You can talk Haz, you just slept with your ex fucking boyfriend" Daniel yells back at Harry.

"I'm here to explain that, we didn't sleep together, I would never do that to Louis" He says.

"And Louis would never hurt you intentionally Haz, it meant nothing, we got caught up in the moment and we both know it's not right and we aren't meant to be together. We both know you and Louis belong together" Daniel says.

Harry is staring at Daniel contemplating his words, he looks towards my eyes. I'm pleading with him to not do anything stupid. Harry slowly let's Daniel go and turns fully towards me. His hair is falling loosely around his face and he looks tired. He is in a blue hoodie and a pair of jeans but he looks disheveled and not his usually put together self. He looks so cute like this though and i take him in. I really do love Harry, so much, why can't we just get our shit together. It doesn't have to be this hard. 

"I didn't sleep with him Lou, he turned up at my flat 15 minutes before you, I was in my boxers already and I thought he was the pizza boy too. He came in and told me he wanted me back and I laughed at him. I told him we were over, that I was sorry but we couldn't be together. That I was in love with someone else. Then you knocked on the door and I thought it really was the pizza guy. When David saw it was you at the door, he got undressed on purpose just to spite you. He was being an asshole and I was in complete shock, I didn't know what to do. You were there and he was there and I just froze up. I'm so sorry Louis, please please believe me" Harry says, begging me with his eyes. 

I can tell he is completely and utterly devastated about the situation. His eyes are begging me for forgiveness but there is nothing to forgive. 

"Im sorry Harry" I start.

He drops his head down in defeat.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you explain. I was so jealous and I was confused and I'm so sorry. Please forgive me?" I ask him.

Harry looks up at me and rushes towards me, he swiftly cups my cheek and connects our lips together. The kiss is amazing and so emotional, I feel complete again just having his lips on mine. He pulls back breathlessly.

"Lou, I know you said you needed time, but please, we need each other. I don't want to do this dance anymore. I love you, I want you, I want us to be together...please Louis" He says with such sincerity in his voice.

We rest our foreheads against each other and I sigh.

"Yes, Harry, yes I want to be with you. I need you, I want you and I want to let myself love you completely...I'm so sorry" I whisper to him. Tears threaten to spill down my face.

"I love you baby. We can do this, I know we can. its you and me Lou, always you and me" He says.

We share another kiss and can't help the smile that spreads across both our faces. I feel completely safe and at home and like all my worries have disappeared. I have been avoiding this for so long because I thought I needed to find myself and heal myself before I could be with Harry, but the truth is. I can do that with Harry by my side. I've been trying to keep myself at a distance for fear of being hurt again and being in Harry's arms and feeling the unsaid promises his arms and tender touches bring me. I know this is the right choice. I know I don't need Harry to get better and I don't need him to bring me out from the dark, I'm doing that on my own but I do need Harry as my lover and my soul mate. We belong together.

We pull apart and just stare at each other. We both turn around and realise we are now alone beside the pool and I'm grateful to share this moment with just Harry. 

Harry takes my hand and we walk back into the house, everyone had disappeared. We walk upstairs to my room and Harry shuts the door behind him. I can't seem to control my emotions and I'm suddenly lunging at Harry pushing him against the door and pressing our lips together in a heated kiss. My hands make their way to Harry's curls and I tug on them. He lets out a low moan and I can't help but whimper. Harry's hands are traveling all over my body in a desperate plea to touch. After so long we are both so desperate for each other. Harry reaches down and pulls at the hem of my shirt and lifts it hurriedly over my head. His hands are then all over my body again. I pull Harry's shirt off just as quickly and we are a tangled mess of hurried touches and sloppy kisses. Harry starts walking me backwards and I hit the bed and we fall down on top of the mattress. Our jeans are quickly taken off and we are left naked and panting. 

"Harry" I pant out. I need his touches.

"Baby" he responds.

He cups my cheek and then brings two fingers towards my mouth.

"Suck" he says in his deep raspy voice that sends shivers all over.

I do as I'm told and suck, twirling my tongue around. Harry then pulls his fingers out of my mouth and makes his way towards my entrance. He kisses me breathless as he slides one finger inside me. I shudder at the contact. 

"Ughhh" I moan out. Desperately wanting more. 

"I love hearing you baby" hey whispers to me. 

He slides another finger inside and tense up a little, not used to the intrusion.

"Relax Lou, trust me, I've got you" he tells me.

I instantly relax at his words and we go back to snogging each other senseless. I reach my hand Infront to grab Harry's hard leaking cock and I begin to pump him slowly.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh Lou, uhhhhhhh" Harry moans loudly.

"Fuck Harry please I need you please" I say. 

Harry pulls out his fingers and flips us over so I'm straddling him on top. He then helps me ease myself down on his length. I gasp at the feeling. I feel so full and satisfied and completely blissed. I begin to ride Harry as he guides my hips up and down. I lean forward so our forheads are touching. I pick up my pace as Harry's moans get louder and louder. Our kisses become slow and sloppy and we both are so close to our climaxes. 

"Louis, I'm close I can't hold it Lou" Harry all but screams.

"Ughhhhh Haz" I moan out.

"Louis look at me baby" Harry says.

I look towards him and his beautiful gorgeous eyes that hold so much unsaid emotions,

"I love you, come for me Lou, like a good boy...come for me" he growls lowly.

I come undone on top of him and Harry comes beneath me, we both stare into each other's eyes and we let go together. Holding each other. 

I collapse on top of Harry, my head on his chest. Our heart rates going a million miles a minute as we try to control our breathing. 

"I've missed you Haz" I say.

"I missed you so much Louis, you have no idea" Harry says. 

Neither of us makes a move to get up and move and Harry starts carding his hands through my hair. I feel amazing and safe and so so unbelievably happy right now I don't want to move.

Eventually though, Harry gets up and goes to get a washer to clean us both up. 

"Do you have to leave Haz?" I ask shyly when we are both clean.

"No baby, I'm here" he smiles and kisses me again.

I smile back at him, a real genuine smile.

"You are amazing Lou, I promise you I won't let you down baby, you mean so much to me" he says cupping my cheek.

"And I promise you Haz that I won't let you down either. I love you with all my heart and I'm willing to give you everything" I say.

We smile like complete idiots at each other before Harry's stomach growls loudly causing us both to laugh.

"Hungry?" I ask.

Harry laughs 

"Yeah, I can make us some eggs if you like?" Harry smiles out.

"Yeah that would be good" I reply with a smile.

We get dressed and head downstairs hand in hand. The boys must have left the house completely as they are nowhere to be seen. We enter the kitchen and Harry pulls some pans out and ingredients from the fridge to start cooking. I sit on the counter and swing my legs back and forth. Harry comes to stand between them and we share a few kisses and smiles.

"You're are so beautiful Lou" Harry says. 

I smile and reach out to swipe a piece of hair off his forehead and behind his ear. He kisses me again and goes back to cooking. There is a niggling question that I need to ask him and I eventually work up the courage.

"So Haz, um can I ask what happened to David?" I ask avoiding Harry's eyes.

"He left to go back to LA, I told him we were over and he left" Harry says. 

I nod, that's all I need to know. I'm not going to ask anymore questions about it I don't to know the details. I watch Harry in the kitchen completely at home, he is so gorgeous, I'm so lucky to have him.

"Could you pass me that spatula Lou?" Harry asks, interrupting my thoughts. 

I reach over to the utensil jar and take out the spatula, as I do I notice the mail sitting on the counter and a letter addressed to me. I pick it up, that's strange I don't ever get mail sent here.

Harry walks over to me and grabs the spatula.

"What's that?" He asks me.

"Don't know" I say confused.

I rip the letter open and unfold the note. What's inside makes my blood run cold and my breathing pick up. 

"I'm out Louis, I know where you live, where you work, and your every move, I'm watching you and you are going to pay for what you did to me" it reads.

"What does it say Lou?" Harry asks panicked as he takes in my face.

I shakily hand him the note and watch his face fall.

"Shit" is all he says . What the fuck does this mean?


	22. Chapter 22

LOUIS POV

"Who do you think it is?" Liam asks the room.

"Don't know, maybe Zach?" Zayn asks.

We are all sitting around the living room trying to figure out who sent me the letter. I'm sitting next to Harry leaning on his side, my head on his chest as he strokes the skin under my shirt softly with his thumb. I have an idea about who the note could be from, but If I'm right I don't know what I will do. I remember back to the night I went out with Daniel and could hear that voice in the crowd, it sends shivers down my spine and I start to shake.

"Louis?" Harry asks as he notices.

"I think I-I'm...um I think I know who it is" I say quietly.

The room stops talking and the boys all look towards me.

"Who Louis? Who could it be?" Zayn asks.

"I think it's Mr Charles. I thought I heard him yelling mean things at me at the game the other night in the crowd, but I couldn't see him so I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me but I think it's him." I say worriedly.

"That makes sense I guess" Zayn says looking towards Liam.

"I will go make some calls, meanwhile Louis, you won't be able to go out without there being someone with you okay. Just incase" Liam says pointedly.

Harry's grip on me tightens and I lean into him more

"What do you think he wants?" I ask.

"I'm not sure Lou, we won't let him hurt you though okay babe, he won't get anywhere near you" Niall tells me.

I nod my head. I really don't want to deal with this. I sigh and get up off the couch and head upstairs to my room. I flop down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. What the hell is going on. Just when I thought I could be happy.......I sigh. I hear Harry enter the room and he comes to lie down next to me on the bed. 

"You okay?" He asks.

"I'm fine Haz, just sick of this shit to be honest" I say with a sigh.

"I know Louis, I'm so sorry baby" he says. 

He turns towards me and cards his fingers through my hair. 

"I won't let anyone touch you Louis" he says with such conviction in his tone.

"I know Haz, although I'm not really that worried, it's more annoying than anything. I mean what's he actually going to do to me?" I ask, trying to shrug it all off like it doesn't bother me.

Harry doesn't buy it though.

"Louis it's okay to be scared you know. Someone is threatening you, it must be a a little overwhelming" Harry says, obviously trying to get me to talk and not bottle up my emotions.

"Honestly Haz, I just don't want to think about it. Liam said the police can't do anything but keep it on record, so it can't be that serious" I justify.

"Well, I'm taking it bloody seriously, someone is threatening my boyfriend and I'm not going to sit back and let it happen" Harry says getting angry.

I giggle at him releasing the tension that's growing in the room.

"What are you laughing at?" Harry asks trying to suppress his grin.

"You, your cute and hot when you get angry" I say smiling.

"Oh really Mr" Harry smirks at me cheekily, knowing its turning me on.

"Really" I whisper.

Harry leans in and our lips touch. We end up in a very heated make out session entangled in each other's arms for the rest of the afternoon. We exchange blow jobs and soft touches and kisses and we are so caught up in each other arms in our own little world not worried or thinking about anyhing but us and it's pure bliss. 

Four weeks later, Liam calls me into his office to talk about my new campiaign with "London Now" that's starting in two days. The boys are really sceptical to let me start working again. I'm doing really well emotionally and with my eating too and Kimberly is really happy with my progress so I know they aren't concerned about that, However the threatening notes haven't stopped. They are getting quite bad, so much so that Liam and the boys won't let me open the letters or let me read them. I don't really mind I don't want to know what they say anyway. They have started turning up once a day with the post. Always addressed to me and always in a white envelope with a flower stamp.

Apparently Mr Charles has been let out of prison on probation. We were contacted by the police three weeks ago informing us. They also mentioned he hasn't turned up to his probation officer in three weeks and no one knows where he is. So the probability of mr Charles being behind the letters is pretty high. I know that's why the boys are nervous about letting me go back to work. I really want to go back to work though, being in London will mean being with Harry, who I've only seen a few days a week over the last month because he has work. I miss him so much but we definitely make up for the time apart when we see each other. 

"Okay Louis so Alberto is on board for the next few months while you are doing the campaign,he will be picking you up from Harry's apartment every morning and taking you to where you need to go." Liam tells me.

"Okay sounds good" I say. I'm excited to be getting back into things and this campaign sounds amazing, I'm actually excited for town at the future holds for me.

"I'm not sure about this Louis, you are doing so well kid, I don't want you to go backwards" Liam says sincerely.

"How will I go backwards Li? I'm living with Harry for crying out loud, he makes me eat more that you guys do" I laugh slightly.

Liam smiles back at me.

"I know, it's not really the eating I'm worried about" Liam says, voice trailing off.

"What are you worried about then?" I ask curiously.

"I'm worried about these threats Louis, it's serious and I'm worried something is going to happen to you" Liam says looking into my eyes.

"Li, I have Harry and Alberto around me, nothing will happen I promise" I say trying to sound convincing.

The letters must be bad if Liam is this worried though.

"Yeah" Liam smiles out agreeing with me.

Liam comes out from behind his desk and walks over to me. He places his hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eyes.

"I want you to know we are doing everything we can to make sure nothing happens Louis, okay" Liam tells me.

"I know Liam, please don't worry, everything is fine" I say.

He nods. 

"So are you going home for the next two months?" I ask.

The 'London now' campaign will last two months in London, so I'm staying with Harry and Kimberly and the boys have agreed that if I'm doing well that I can stay in London whether that be moving in with Harry or back into my flat. 

"Yeah I'm moving back tonight when you leave, Lacey is so excited" Liam says fondly.

I smile, I miss Lacey but I need to steer clear of her until this mess is sorted out. I don't want to put her in any danger. 

"I can't wait to see her again" I say to Liam.

"She asks about you every day Lou, she misses you" Liam tells me.

"Give her a big cuddle for me okay" I smile.

"I will,I promise" Liam says sadly, knowing just how much I miss her. "What time is Harry picking you up?" Liam asks.

"Um in about an hour" I say. 

I haven't seen Harry in three days and it's killing me. I can't wait to be in his arms again.

Liam Smiles a knowing smile and I leave him to his work. I head upstairs to finish packing. I change into my black skinny jeans and my green Adidas hoodie. I put my black vans on and let my fringe lay flat across my forehead.

When Harry turns up at the door an hour later in tight black skinny jeans and a navy blue button up unbuttoned nearly all the way, exposing his tatted chest. I can't help but drool, I jump straight into his arms and Harry doesn't even falter.

"Well hello to you too princess" Harry jokes as he catches me and my legs wrap around his waist.

"Hazz" I whine.

Harry chuckles and kisses me on the nose.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks me. Smiling his big dimpled smile at me.

I nod my head as Liam and the boys walk into the entry and Harry puts me down. They all greet each other like normal and then Andy of course turns serious.

"Okay Lou, this is serious I want you to listen okay" Andy says to me sternly.

"We are completely trusting you to do the right thing here, we are trusting you to keep up your food box and your three meals a day. Any sign of even a slight slip you are straight back home" Andy says.

I nod my head before he continues.

"You still need to keep your appointments with Kimberly once a month, you know what happens if you don't. Most importantly Lou, and I cannot stress this enough kid. You are not to leave the apartment under any circumstances alone Louis. Do you understand" Andy says freaking out a bit.

I've never actually seen him this panicked before its a little scary but it stresses the importance of his words and I nod my head in understanding.

"Yeah Andz, I promise I-I won't go anywhere alone" I tell him.

"Louis, these threats are serious okay"Niall stresses.

"We don't want to scare you but we need you to understand Lou" Zayn stresses to me.

"Yeah I understand, don't worry I won't do anything stupid. I'm sure it's nothing anyway I'll be fine" I say trying to lighten the mood. 

The boys smile uneasily at me and I don't miss the looks they all share with Harry, who gives a slight subtle nod of confirmation. When the boys are done lecturing me and after I promise them 1000 times that I will call them when we get to the apartment, Harry and I are in his brand new Range Rover heading towards London. I can't keep the smile off my face, Harry turns on his music and hums along to the tunes. We talk and laugh together and steel a few kisses.

Halfway their though Harry needs to stop for fuel and we pull up to a fuel station. Harry gets out to fill the tank while I take the time to scroll through Twitter. Harry goes to pay for the fuel and I watch as he walks inside, he looks so sexy the way he walks with such confidence,I don't miss the three girls and one guy who completely drool all over Harry but I find myself smiling fondly knowing he is all mine. I turn back around in my chair and notice a black escalade is in a carpark in front of Harry's car. There is a guy inside wearing sunglasses, but I can't make out his face or anything as the car is completely tinted. I don't know why but It makes me really uneasy. Even though I can't make out the guy inside completely I can tell he is looking at me,I can feel his eyes on me. It could be paparazzi but there is only one person in the car and there is no camera aimed at me. My breathing picks up a little, I'm actually a little scared right now. My palms are sweaty and I wipe them on my pants trying to calm myself down. I jump and nearly scream as the drivers door opens suddenly, it's only Harry though and I relax when I see him. His smile fades though when he takes one look at me.

"Baby what's wrong, has something happened?" He asks worriedly.

I regain my senses and shake my head no

"Sorry....just that guy in the car in front of us is staring at me and it made me uncomfortable" I say quietly.

Harry looks ahead out the windscreen 

"What car baby?" He asks. 

I look ahead and realise the car has gone, driven off. I relax I'm just being paranoid. 

"They've gone, it's okay I was just overreacting" I say sheepishly.

"It's okay Lou, I shouldn't have left you alone in the car actually. Don't tell Liam he will have my head" Harry says seriously.

I laugh

"Haz I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself" I say.

"I know you can princess" Harry smirks with a wink.

I roll my eyes at him as he chuckles at me and begins to drive again. About half an hour from Harry's I notice Harry has become quiet. And he keeps looking into his rear view mirror. 

"Are you okay Haz" I ask warily.

He turns to me and smiles but it's not genuine and I can tell in his eyes he is worried. 

"Yeah baby everything's fine" Harry says.

He reaches over and grabs my hand and squeezes in lightly, he goes back to concentrating on the road. Five minutes later and he is still tense and it's starting to worry me.

"Haz, please...what's wrong you're scaring me" I say quietly. 

Harry turns to me with a pleading look on his face before he sighs.

"There is a black car that's been following us for a while now and it's concerning me is all, it's probably nothing to worry about" Harry says, trying to reassure me.

Fuck, being in a car and being followed is not something that I can handle very well right now. I begin to feel uneasy in my stomach.

"Is.....is the car a black escalade?" I ask, closing my eyes as I wait for the answer.

"Yeah, it is" Harry says questioningly.

"That's the same one at the fuel station, the guy inside was staring at me" I say my voice wavering.

"Shit" Harry says under his breath.

I start to freak out even more now that Harry is worried. 

"What, what do we do Haz?" I ask.

"Nothing baby, just relax we don't even know for sure he is following us okay" Harry says trying to calm me.

I pull myself together. And calm my breathing,Harry is right it could be anyone.

"I'm going to call Liam though, okay just to let him know" Harry says.

I nod in response and Harry dials Liam's number.

"Haz?, you guys haven't made it to London yet have you?" He asks.

"No Li, but we um think we are being followed and I'm not completely sure what to do" Harry says.

"what? Shit....tell me the license and car type" Liam says hurriedly.

Harry does and I'm getting even more scared. Liam says he is calling the police and hangs up. I don't know what they will do we are halfway between Doncaster and London. Suddenly the back of the car is rammed into sending Harry and I forward in our seats. Wholly fuck someone is trying to kill us. The Escalade then screeches out from behind us and speeds off down the road in front of us. I don't realise I'm not breathing properly until Harry pulls the car over and is leaning over the centre console cupping my cheeks. The accident flashes before my eyes, I can't stop it. I can see Joey and Stan...there eyes are dead. I remember the screaming and the glass smashing and I feel like I can't breath. The blood rushes to my ears and I can't hear anything but the pounding in my chest. I'm panicking.

"Baby shhhhhhhh it's okay you are safe I'm here it's okay" Harry whispers to me. 

I can feel his hot breath on my neck and in my ear and I begin to relax.

"That's it Louis, nothing is going to happen to you, you're safe" Harry keeps repeating to me.

Eventually I calm down, I'm sweaty and clammy and I feel physically sick. As I come back to my senses I realise Harry has pulled me onto his lap and my back is against his chest, his arms snaked around me. I'm safe in his arms. 

"Come back Lou, good boy" Harry tells me soothingly. 

He cards his hands through my hair and I turn in his arms and hide my head in his neck. He rubs my back up and down. 

"I'm sorrry Haz" I tell him.

"Don't ever apologise.I understand, but you're safe I've got you" Harry tells me.

I nod my head and eventually calm down enough to get back into my own seat. Harry pulls a blanket from the back of his car and places it over me. I'm cold and shivering and so so tired. He strokes my hair and rests his hand on my thigh as I curl myself in a ball against the window. I doze off as I hear Harry calling Liam and Liam's panicked voice on the end of the line.

"He is okay Li, he's asleep now, he is safe with me" I hear Harry explain. 

I can't help think though what I would do if something ever happened to Harry. I realise Harry could have just died, that if I'm around Harry he could be targeted too. The thought hurts my chest so badly, I feel like I'm being stabbed. I just got Harry back, I can't let anything happen to him. As I slip off to sleep I pray that Harry is kept safe and that nothing will ever happen to my hazza.


	23. Chapter 23

LOUIS POV

I wake up the day of the campaign a little nervous and shaky. I'm really excited to start the shoot today but I'm still a little on edge about what happened driving home the other day. After we got back to Harry's safely and I went to bed, my dreams were filled with nightmares. I haven't been sleeping properly and it's starting to show, just what I need when I've got the biggest campaign of my life to pull off. Liam was onto the police straight away, but the police said the licence plate of the car that hit us showed up as stolen, so there are no leads on who the driver was. I'm still going with Mr Charles though. Harry has been on the phone a lot with the boys and has even taken some time off work just to be with me. I'm grateful as I really don't feel comfortable being alone right now. With Harry's support I haven't slipped with my eating, I'm still eating what I need to to keep healthy and to keep the boys happy. I've finally reached 1kg above the recommended healthy weight for my height and Kimberly Is now helping me to deal with staying there. There are days when I feel like I just need to get below that healthy weight mark but Harry is always there reassuring me and telling me I'm gorgeous and amazing and that really gets me through. 

I dress causally after my shower knowing perfectly well that I'll be styled and primped when I get to the shoot. I choose my skinny jeans and a red sweater and my red vans. I walk tiredly into the kitchen and find Harry making breakfast at the stove in nothing but his boxers. I stop and take his gorgeous body in, his slim hips and broad shoulders, his tattoos and the way the muscles in his back constrict as he works around the kitchen. He catches sight of me staring and smirks.

"Good morning baby" He says, knowing perfectly well the effect he has on me.

I shake my head, bringing me back to my senses.

"Morning" I smile.

"Are you okay this morning? You were tossing and turning all night again" Harry says sympathetically.

He walks over and takes me in his arms bringing me closer to his chest and planting a soft kiss on my mouth. He pulls back looking at me with concern.

"Sorry Haz, I didn't mean to keep you up, just nervous about today and stuff" I say shyly.

"Don't say sorry Louis, I was just worried about you. Don't worry about today either, you will smash it Lou, I promise. Since I have the day off too, I was hoping you would be okay with me coming too, I would love to see you in action...I understand if you'r not comfortable..." Harry starts. 

I relax at his words, Harry coming along would be perfect. I've been worrying so much about him and something happening to him. It scares me so much. At least he will be with me now. I'm a little nervous about him seeing me on set but I know Harry would be nothing but supportive.

"I'd love you to" I smile at him, interrupting his rambling.

His face nearly splits in two with the huge grin he gives me in return.

We sit down to breakfast, just eggs and a piece of toast but I this morning I really don't feel like eating much. My stomach is in knots and not just from nerves about today. My nightmares have been pretty vivid and I'm worried about the letters. Someone is out to scare me and possible hurt me and hurting Harry would be a really good way to do that to me. I sigh as I play with the eggs on my plate. I can see Harry looking at me and he reaches out to place his hand over mine. The warmth that spreads through me Immediately calms my nerves. 

"I'm really sorry Lou. I know you're nervous but I really need you too eat" Harry tells me sympathetically as he rubs circles over my knuckles with his thumb.

"I know, I'm trying Haz" I say quietly, smiling slightly.

"That's all I ask baby" he tells me and he leans in and kisses me on the nose. 

"How about we eat together hey? Put some eggs on your fork and we will eat at the same pace" Harry says. 

Harry is so amazing and his patients means the world to me, true to his words he didn't force me and put up with eating cold eggs because I took a little too long to eat them. His smile never faulted though and I end up finishing most of my eggs.

"Well done Lou, I know that was a bit of a challenge this morning but you did it, I'm so proud" Harry States beaming. 

"Thanks Harry, I love you so much" I say getting a little overwhelmed as I fall into his arms against his chest. I can't help the sniffle that escapes.

"Hey, hey, hey beautiful. Why are you crying" Harry asks as he strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head.

"I'm sorry Harry, I just don't know what I would ever do without you and I'm so scared something will happen to you I don't want anything to happen to you" I say. My lack of sleep getting to me as my vivid dreams start replaying in my head.

"Louis, I promise everything will be okay, I will be fine I promise you" Harry tells me with such conviction.   
He pulls me back to look into my eyes and smiles.

"I promise" he repeats. 

I smile and nod my head at him as I wipe my few tears I let escape on my sleeves. Harry kisses me and smiles.

"Now, as much as I want to wrap you in my arms all day I can't, I have to go get ready so I can watch my boyfriend be amazing!!" Harry grins, I laugh at him.

Harry goes to get dressed, while I brush my teeth. When he walks out in his tight, tight black jeans and a long sleeve white sweater with his tan boots, my mouth nearly drops to the floor. Who is the model here? I think to myself. Harry is just gorgeous. 

We leave the apartment and head downstairs to the lobby to meet Alberto. When we get to the lobby, He is there but also two other burly looking guys. When I see Alberto I smile and give him a big hug.

"Al, I've missed you" I tell him smiling.

"Louis, kid I've missed you too. Good to see you" he says returning my hug just as enthusiastically.

I feel so small in his huge arms we must look quite funny. I turn around towards Harry eager to introduce them.

"Al, this is Harry, my boyfriend" I say as Harry and Alberto shake hands.

"The infamous Harry huh, it's a pleasure to meet you" Alberto says smiling kindly towards Harry.

"Likewise" Harry returns the smile.

Alberto then turns to the other two guys he is with. 

"Louis and Harry this is Preston and Patty, they will be helping me today seeing as the shoot is taking place outside and I need a few extra eyes" Alberto says.

We shake hands and they seem like really nice guys. It does make me more nervous though that I actually need more than one security guard. Harry seems pleased though and is quizzing them on credentials and procedures. I roll my eyes at him and we walk off towards the car. 

"Lou, I'm just going to grab my mail first" Harry says. 

I nod my head and patty stays behind with Harry while he walks to the mail boxes, while Alberto and Preston lead me to the black van parked out the front. When Harry gets in the car his face is a little pale.

"What's wrong Haz?" I ask concerned.

"Nothing Lou, it's fine" Harry responds trying to shrug it off.

"There was another letter wasn't there" I ask, my face paying and my breathing picking up.

All three security guards turn to look at Harry expectantly.

"Yeah" he says defeated, looking down.

"What did it say?" I ask. 

Harry sighs. And takes out the note form his jacket and hands it to Alberto who has his hand out ready to take it.

Alberto passes it over to the other two guards. There expressions blank.

"What does it say?" I ask more scared now.

"Louis, I don't think you should read it" Alberto says. 

I'm getting really upset and angry.

"How did he even know where I was?" I ask panicking.

"Calm down baby it's okay" Harry tries, he grabs my hand and it relaxes me.

"He's following me isn't he, he is probably watching me right now" I say. Trying not to get so worked up.

"Yes Louis, but we won't let him touch you. He won't get through us okay" Alberto States.

"How can you be so sure, what if he has a gun or what if he shoots you or Harry what if he shoots Harry?" I begin to panic, I can't do this.

"Louis, look at me, nothing is going to happen to me or Alberto or patty or Preston. We are all okay and will be fine. I promise you, let's focus on getting to the shoot and you smashing it okay let us worry about everything else" Harry says looking into my eyes, 

He is right I can't let ip this get too me so much today. I've got to pull it together for the shoot. I take a deep breath and nod my head, grip Harry's hand tighter and focus on my breathing as we start to drive. I've got to hold it together at least just for the shoot. I've got three guards around me and Harry does too, he is safe too. I keep repeating to myself.

The shoot is taking place In the middle of town, they have closed down a few sections where we will be shooting but there will mostly be crowds around. I'm used to doing these things in front of people but not in the middle of town and I really am nervous. When we pull up I'm escorted to the trailers that have been set up for hair and makeup and then wardrobe. Harry accompanies me the whole time and everyone instantly falls in love with him, laughing and joking around. He is quite the charmer. 

We get onset and I meet with the new photographer, thank god it's not Zach. Instead, she is a lovely young woman named Rou. She is bubbly and energetic and I take a likening to her straight away. She makes me really comfortable and knows how intimidating it can be having all these people around watching me.

My first outfit is tight ripped jeans and a white singlet with no shoes on. My tattoos are on full display and Harry can't seem to take his eyes off me. He is getting a little possessive and jealous at the fact everyone is looking at me. There is a huge crowd of people behind barriers watching me and they seem feel the need to wolf whistle at me, Harry's head whips up towards the noise every time and the cute scowl on his face never waivers. I smile at him and send him a wink and he seems to relax. I get into position and I see Alberto, Preston and Patty all standing close and scanning the crowd. 

The shoot gets off to a great start and goes smoothly. Nothing out of the ordinary happens much to everyone's relief. 

When I'm finished and changed back into my red sweater and vans and my black jeans, we all head back out towards the car.

"You were so amazing today baby, I can't even tell you how much" Harry says in awe of me.

I smile at him. 

"Thanks Harry" I say. 

"I mean it Lou, you smashed it. I can't wait to see the finished photos" Harry tells me excitedly.

I'm so glad he thought I did okay, I hope everyone else was as pleased with my work. We get back to the car and back to Harry's apartment. We say goodbye to Alberto and the other guards in the lobby and head towards the lifts. When we reach Harry's door his stomach growls and I laugh as he pushes the door open.

"We should get some dinner Haz" I say smiling.

Harry returns my smile but as we turn around and turn the light on in the apartment my breathing stops. The place is absolutely ruined and has been completely trashed. Couches have been turned upside down, everything has been thrown around the room. 

"Lou, don't move baby, I want you to stay there okay" Harry turns to me and says.

"Harry?" I ask I'm actually scared out of my mind.

"It's okay Lou, I'm just going to grab the phone and call the police" he says to me.

He walks around the corner into the kitchen. Who could have done this? What if they are still inside. Suddenly I panic.

"Harry" I yell. 

I get no answer.

"Harry" I try again and still get nothing. 

I don't even think about anything but getting to Harry to make sure he is okay. I round the corner to the kitchen and I freeze in my tracks....... Mr Charles is holding Harry at knife point. Harry's back is against mr Charles chest as a knife is held to his throat. I feel a presence behind me and swing around to see two beefy guys smirking at me from across the hall. 

"Well, hello My little Louis"


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry. I just wanted to get something out. I've been so busy. Lots of love xox

LOUIS POV

"Harry!" I say. I'm so scared right now.

This is my worst fear, something happening to Harry. I go to step forward, I don't know what I'm planning to do but Mr Charles Voice stops me in my tracks.

"Uh uh uh Louis, I wouldn't do that if I were you" He says condescendingly. 

"I'm okay Lou, it's okay" Harry says trying to reassure me.

I don't know what to do as tears spring to my eyes. All I can think of is that knife on Harry's neck and it's making me sick, I can't loose him. 

"Pppleassse let him go, don't hurt him please, I'll do anything" I say shakily.

"Well, well, well Louis, how brave of you. I thought you may be more cooperative once young Harry here was involved" Mr Charles smirks at me.

"Louis, I'm okay just relax please" Harry says to me, trying to convey how worried he is for my safety. I couldn't care less about me, only Harry. 

"What do you want? just tell me and let Harry go please" I beg.

Mr Charles laughs an evil laugh. 

"Oh Louis, I want you....and I want to make you pay for sending me to jail Louis. You will pay for that I guarantee it" He sneers at me. 

I can't help the tear that escapes and runs down my cheek. I'm scared about what he wants to do to me but I'm more scared of him doing something to Harry. I can deal with what ever he does to me, I can...I will, for the sake of Harry.

"Ffffinne, I'll...I will go with you, I will do what you want. just let Harry go" I say.

"No Louis" Harry yells at me.

Mr Charles suddenly pulls out zip ties from his back pocket and zip ties Harry's hands together, he then walks him over to the pipe that comes out of the air conditioner on the wall and zip ties his hands tightly to the pipe.

"Louis" Harry yells.

Mr Charles wacks Harry across the head hard but Harry barely flinches. Mr Charles then ties a gag around his mouth. 

I watch on and I try to think of a way to get us out of this. Mr Charles has a knife and could at any point use it on Harry. The thought sends shivers down my spine, I try to get nearer toHarry to see if he is alright, I need to be close to him. I rush forward, but I don't make it very far.

"Grab him" Mr Charles yells to the two guys standing behind me. 

Harry is fighting to get free form his restraints as I'm lifted kicking and screaming into the air by one of the guys.

"No get off me, put me down. Harry!!!!" I scream.

The guy holds me tightly against his chest as Mr Charles walks over to stand in front of me. He reaches out and runs his finger down the side of my face. I flinch at the contact.

"Oh Louis, you really don't stand a chance sweetheart" he says.

I try to struggle against the hold I'm in, but my efforts are pointless. Mr Charles ties my hands together and then hits me with so much force across my face, If I wasn't being held up I would have gone flying. I can hear Harry yelling for me from behind his gag and struggling so hard to try and get to me.

"There is plenty more where that came from you little shit" Mr Charles sneers at me. 

I can't help the tears that are escaping now. 

"Don't cry little Louis, everything will be fine" Mr Charles says sarcastically. 

I whimper at his words.

"You know what, let's give Harry here a little show shall we?, I'm sure he would love to watch us ruin his gorgeous boyfriend. Watch as we make you pay for what you did to me Louis" Mr Charles spits.

I start kicking and screaming again. No I don't want Harry watching anything, it can't happen.

"No, please.... No" I yell as I struggle my hardest to break free. 

There is a large hand placed over my mouth to keep my quiet and I make eye contact with a struggling teary eyed Harry. We just stare at each other. So many emotions being portrayed to each other in just our eyes. Harry is trying to tell me it's okay, but i don't believe him I'm so scared. 

Mr Charles grabs me from the two guys and tells them to go wait out the front of the apartment at the door to keep watch. Once they are gone I'm pushed up against the kitchen wall and it hurts so badly I scream out. Mr Charles starts taking is anger out on me then, he pushes me to the ground and kicks me and punches me. It's like four years of frustration and anger built up inside him just makes him snap. I can hear Harry yelling for him to stop but it's muffled by his bag. Mr Charles doesn't stop though, he doesn't let up. I'm on the ground close to passing out when he decides to rip my jeans off me. I try to struggle as best I can but it doesn't do any good. 

"Oh Louis, I've waited so long. You are so beautiful...." Mr Charles says as he rubs his hands up and down my thighs. 

I'm full on crying now and I'm hurting all over. My kidney that was infected really hurts again, it was kicked so hard. 

"Harry, isn't he beautiful? I've been waiting four years for this....to touch him again" 

"Get off him you sick fuck" Harry yells. 

He has managed to pull the gag out of his mouth, and is still trying to break free from the zip ties, there is blood around his wrists.

"Ohhhhh Harry, is that any way to talk to the person who has hold of your precious little Louis! I could slit his throat right now and you couldn't do a thing about it" Mr Charles mocks Harry. 

I whimper at his words. This is what happened four years ago and I'm trying to contain my panic. I'm hurting so much but at the moment Mr Charles could end both of us and we wouldn't stand a chance. 

"I won't let you hurt him again" Harry spits.

"You can't do anything Harry...just sit back and enjoy the show" Mr Charles smirks.

I feel like I want to vomit. He violently rips my shirt open exposing my chest and then heads to my boxers. He plays with the band slowly and watches my body sickeningly as he does. I can't just let him do this to me, I was so angry last time that I didn't fight back as hard as I could. My adrenalin is so high at the moment. I react by kicking my legs out and I manage to kick him square in the face. He stumbles backwards and I manage to get up, ignoring my pain, he has blood pouring out of his nose. I run to the kitchen draw and grab a knife and run towards Harry. I manage to break halfway through one of his zip ties before I'm grabbed from behind and the knife is dropped to the floor. 

"Let me go!!" I shout.

Mr Charles throws me to the floor and I hit my head hard, he then bends down and hovers over me. 

"Your fucked now Louis" he spits.

The venom in his voice scares me so badly and I shake. He stands up and places another kick to my kidney. I roll over to try to ease the pain, he doesn't let me though he brings me back on my back and he puts his hand inside my pants and starts rubbing me. I try to wriggle away but his grip is tight. I can hear Harry yelling at the top of his voice for help and for Mr Charles to stop. Suddenly I feel pressure and Mr Charles is pushing two fingers inside me dry. I scream at the pain.

"Get the fuck off him" Harry is yelling.

"Stop please it hurts stop" I try as I fight him off me.

My hands are still tied and I'm struggling to get him off me. I'm crying and I can see Harry crying too. I'm going to be raped and there is nothing either of us can do. I'm slowly slipping, the pain is too much.

"Louis, open your eyes baby don't close them Lou" Harry screams at me.

My eyes flutter shut as Mr Charles shoves another finger inside me, causing me to scream again. It's so painful. Then suddenly, his fingers are gone and I'm opening my eyes to see Harry on top of Mr Charles beating the absolute shit out of him. Mr Charles is unconscious on the ground and Harry will kill him if he doesn't stop. Harry is screaming at him and I've never seen Harry so angry. I whimper and that seems to get Harry's attention. He looks around at me and stops his assault on Mr Charles. His knuckles are bloody but I don't care, he just saved my life again. He rushes over to me and kneels down beside me.

"Haz" I say.

"Shhhhh Lou, it's okay. You have to be quiet or those guys will hear us"He says quietly to me while he brushes my hair out of my eyes,

I slowly nod my head.

"I need to pick you up Louis and we need to get out of here, I need to know where you are hurt baby" he says so gently to me.

"I....just my kidney, Haz I'm okay, just sore" I say slowly.

"Okay baby" he says. His hands are all bloody and they look so sore. 

Harry puts one arm under my legs and another under my shoulders. It's then that my whole world suddenly comes crashing down. It happens so fast. Mr Charles stands up with a smirk and pulls out a knife, I don't even have time to warn Harry, it's just too fast. Mr Charles stabs Harry right in his side. I see the colour instantly drain form his face as he clutches at the wound. I start screaming and yelling for Harry at the top of my lungs. He falls to the side and I roll him over quickly.

"Haz, it's okay you're okay....I'm so sorry Harry I'm so so sorry" I sob out.

 

"Lou" is all Harry says as he looks me in the eyes.

Suddenly there are hands on me lifting me up off the ground. I'm kicking and screaming as they pull me away from Harry who is lying on the floor, blood everywhere. A cloth is forced over my mouth and when I breath in it makes me sleepy. I don't want to leave Harry I don't know if he is alive or dead..... I need him, I need to make sure he is okay. But I can't, I can't move my body has gone lax and I'm out again.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter may be triggering. Rape and violence.

HARRYS POV

The pain in my side is so bad, I know that the knife hasn't hit anything major but the pain is excruciating. As Louis is dragged away I can't do anything, even though the knife hasn't hit anything major, I am still at risk of bleeding out if I can't stop the bleeding. I watch as Louis is kicking and screaming but then goes lax in one of the he guys arms. I need to help Louis, I need to get to him. The door is shut and I'm left alone in the room. I panic, they have Louis and I have no idea where they are taking him or what they are doing to him. I let a few tears escape before I reach for my phone in my back pocket. The first call I make is to the police. I explain everything and they are on their way to the apartment. When I hang up I dial the next person I need.... Dan. I'm not sure if he is at work but I pray that he isn't. 

"Haz?" He asks as he answers my call. 

"Dan, I need your help" I ask, panting as the pain in my side worsens.

"Sure mate what's up?" He asks.

"Dan, they took Louis and Ive been stabbed and I need you to bring your kit and come help me. We need to find Louis" I manage to spill out.

"What, Haz? Who took Louis, is he okay? How bad are you hurt Haz?" Dan rushes out.

I can hear him getting keys and shuffling around so I know he is on his way.

"His old teacher that was in jail, him and two guys came and took Louis. I tried to stop them but I was stabbed. I'm okay I'm pretty sure the knife missed anything major, but fuck it hurts" I say.

"Okay, stay calm I'm on my way just breathe. We will find Louis Haz don't worry. You need to put pressure on the wound and I'll be there as soon as I can" Dan reassures me.

I give him my thanks and we hang up. I crawl across the floor to the couch and pull myself up on it. I take my sweater off and place it against my wound, it's deep but Dan can stitch it up, I'm sure I don't need surgery or anything. My mind slips to Louis then, he was beat up pretty bad and he must be in a lot of pain too. I'm worried about his kidney, he said it was hurting and that could be bad. We need to find him, where the fuck would that creep have taken him. If he so much as lays another finger on Louis I won't hesitate to kill him. Fuck I wish I had kept beating him, then Louis would be safely in my arms. The tears come then. I should have done more to keep him safe. Liam and the boys are going to hate me. Oh no Liam. I have to call and tell Liam, shit. I take out my phone and dial his number. He picks up on the second ring.

"Haz, I just had a call from the police, what's going on? Where is Louis? Please tell me he is okay" Liam panics.

"I'm sorry Li, they...they took him and I tried to stop them but I couldn't. I'm so sorry Li" I sob out over the phone.

"Haz it's not your fault please don't think it's your fault. We just need to find him. Are you okay, did they hurt you?" He asks worriedly

 

"I um... I've been stabbed in the side but I'm okay, just waiting for the police and Dan to come" I say quietly as I continue to cry.

"We are on our way too Haz, we will be there soon. Just hang in there we are coming" Liam says.

His words calm me and I know they will know what to do, the boys always know what to do when it comes to Louis. We hang up and Dan comes bursting In the door. Before the fucking police even get here.

"Haz, shit" he says when he sees me.

He rushes over and crouches down beside me.

"Dan they took him, and I need to find him, they hurt him and" I start.

"Shhhh Haz, calm down it's okay. Let me fix you up first and then we can focus on Louis okay" Dan tells me. 

I nod my head as he gets to work, he lifts up my shirt and I hiss at the pain.

"Sorry mate" he says.

"It's pretty deep Haz, but like you said it hasn't hit anything major, do you want to go in or want me to stitch it up here?" He asks me. 

"Just, just do it here...please" I say.

"Alright just hold still okay" he tells me.

He pulls out the antiseptic wipes and cleans the wound and I nearly pass out it hurts so bad. He gets to stitching it up and when he is done places a big bandage over it. I feel a lot better and the pain starts to numb. Dan gives me some pain relief and I'm so thankful. 

The police eventually turn up and a kidnapping report issued and a search team is put into action. Mr Charles's last place of residence, work, everything before he went to jail, is being searched. Security cameras from the apartment block are being checked and everyone is confident that we will find Louis. Tweets have been sent out, as well as Facebook posts, anyone who has seen Louis is asked to notify the police. It's been three hours since he was taken though and nothing has come up. Anything could of happened in three hours. Liam and the boys turn up as well as Alberto and the other two guards that were with us today. 

"Haz, are you okay?" Niall yells and runs over to me.

"I'm fine Ni, I promise, Dan fixed me up. I just want to find Louis" I tell him.

"We will find him Haz, we have to find him" He tells me.

"Hey Haz" Andy says as he comes over to sit next to Dan and I.

We all greet each other and the police leave the apartment. They assure us that they are doing everything possible to find Louis and they will notify us Immediately, as soon as they hear something. My phone is tapped and so are the boys and my mobile and all we can do is sit back and wait. Alberto and the other guards are stationed at my front door just incase.

"Haz, tell us what happened. What was Mr Charles doing In the apartment?" Liam asks. 

I take a deep breath. 

"Well, we finished at Louis shoot and said goodbye to Alberto and the other guards in the lobby. It didn't even occur to me that someone could be in the apartment. When we walked In, everything was completely trashed. I told Louis to stay by the door and I went to get the phone in the kitchen. Thats when I was grabbed from behind. Louis was calling out for me and I wanted to tell him to run but I couldn't. Mr Charles told me to keep quiet or he would kill Louis. Louis found us in the kitchen and told Mr Charles to let me go and that he would go quietly if he didn't hurt me. He had two guys with him, two big beefy guys that neither of us stood a chance against. That's when I was tied to the pipe in the kitchen, he gagged me and all I could do was watch as they grabbed Louis and beat him. The two guys went to keep watch by the door and Mr Charles started........he started trying to rape Louis, he was touching him and I couldn't do anything but yell. Louis managed to kick him in the face and then ran to get a knife ,he managed to break through some of my ties before he was grabbed again. That's when he started sexually assaulting Louis. I couldn't stand to watch it, I managed to break free and I pushed Mr Charles of Louis, I beat him and I just kept going until he was unconscious. I then went to help Louis but Mr Charles was obviously faking being knocked out and that's when I was stabbed and Louis was grabbed and taken....I couldn't do anything......I let them take him, I let them hurt him...I" I sob, I can't hold it in anymore. 

I feel arms around me hugging me close.

"Haz, none of this is your fault, you did everything you could for Louis" Daniel says.

"We will find him Haz, please don't blame yourself" Andy tells me.

"What are we going to do? His kidney, I'm worried....he was kicked in his kidney and I'm worried" I tell them.

"Shit" Daniel says as he puts his face in his hands and rubs them over his face.

"Why? What does that mean?" Zayn asks nervously.

"It's just more damage to his kidney and if it wasn't properly healed, I mean....it was severely infected and any trauma to his kidney could result in kidney failure or another infection" Daniel says. 

"Well, we, we need to find him!!" Niall yells standing up.

He seems to be panicking now.

"Calm down Ni, the police are doing everything they can okay" Liam says.

"Well it's not good enough, Louis is out there, being physically abused and we are just sitting here" Niall says. 

Suddenly the phone rings. We all look at each other.... before sprinting in the direction of the phone.... 

LOUIS POV,

I wake up and my body is in so much pain, I struggle to move. I open my eyes slowly and realise I'm on a concrete floor. My hands are tied in front of me and my mouth gagged. The gag is tied so tightly around my mouth that I can't move it even a little to get it out and I can't reach behind my head to try to untie it. I try not to panic at the lack of oxygen, I try and take calming breaths through my nose. Flashes come back to me Harry Being stabbed, I don't know if he is alive or not. I need to get back to Harry. I can't live without him, I need to know he is okay. I need to escape.

I look around the room and see its a basement and completely empty apart from the water heater in the corner. There is a window to the left and I decide that that's my way out. I need to get out that way, I need to escape. I try to stand up and get a shooting pain up my back from my kidney. It's so painful I nearly collapse. I hold back my tears, I don't get very far though before the door is being swung open and Mr Charles walks into the room, smirking at me.

"Louis, sweetheart....you look so good tied up and gagged for me, so so pretty" he says.

My breath hitches at his words and I feel sick to my stomach. Tears start there way down my cheeks as I try to hold my composure. 

"Now, this is what's going to happen Louis. I'm finally going to get you while your awake, I'm going to fuck you Louis, fuck you good and when I'm finished with you I'm going to leave you to die, you are going to pay for what you did to me Louis, I'm not going to let you get away with putting me away for four years. Even if I go back to Jail, at least I'll know I got my own back, that I ruined your life in return" Mr Charles spits at me. 

I try to make a run for the door but he grabs me and brings me back to him, whispering in my ear. 

"Not so fast sweetheart, I'm going to ruin you...again" he tells me.

Again? I don't have time to think about his words though and I can't help the sob that escapes me as he pushes me to the ground and gets on top of me. He doesn't get very far before we are interrupted.

"Boss" someone yells.

Mr Charles stills above me and I can see the anger on his face for being interrupted. 

"What?" He screams. 

He turns back around and continues his assault in my body.

"They know where we are, you might want to come see this" the guy says.

Mr Charles is up off me so quickly and I feel like I can breathe again. He is out the door in a flash and locks it behind him. Is it true they know where I'm being held? I need to get out though before mr Charles just kills me anyway so I'm found dead rather than alive. I manage to pull myself off the ground and over to the window. It's a struggle with my hands tied to lift the window but I manage to do it. I haul myself up but it takes me three goes because of the pain, but I manage to make it out the window. I stand up and nearly pass out, thank god I don't. I take a look at my surroundings, I am literally in the middle of nowhere. The house looks like a cabin and around the cabin is cleared of all trees, but about 500 meters away I see trees and bush that starts. If I can make it into the bush out of sight I can try and find the road and get help. I take a few deep breaths as I try to prepare my body for what's sure to be an epic sprint. I hear voices inside the basement and turn around to see a very angry Mr Charles and the two beefy guys. They spot me and they turn around to run through the house to chase after me. It's now or never, I have to run. I bolt as fast as I can, my adrenalin is pumping and I'm running so fast, my legs are aching and so is my chest.

"STOP LOUIS" I hear Mr Charles screams at me from behind.

"STOP OR I WILL SHOOT YOU LOUIS" he screams. 

I can't stop though, I'm nearly at the trees.

Suddenly I hear a sirens and a gun go off, I turn around and stumble. I see Mr Charles holding a gun in the air aiming towards the sky. I turn back around and I'm at the trees. I run and keep running, further into the forrest until I can't see the tree line anymore. I stop running and I fall to the ground. I roll over on my back and try to regain my breath. I struggle as the only oxygen I'm getting is through my nose. I try to breath and calm down but I can't. I can't pass out though, I need to find my way out of here. I can't move my body i'm too tired as I begin to relax I can hear shouting, I can't open my eyes. I'm so scared Mr Charles has found me or one of his men, I let out a small whimper. 

"He's over here" I hear someone yell. It sounds like Zayn but it can't be. 

Suddenly there are warm hands on me and I flinch.

"Louis, buddy it's me, it's Zayn you're okay shhhh" he says.

I open my eyes slightly, relief washing through me. I can't talk because of the gag and the ties are really hurting my wrists. 

"Just stay calm, Harry and Daniel are coming bud, they will help you it's okay" Zayn says.

He takes his jacket off and places it over me, trying to keep me warm. 

"Louis" I hear Harry's voice yelling. I turn my head slightly as I see him running towards me. In his scrubs and medical kit in his hands

Oh my god Harry, Harry is alive and he is okay, he is running towards me and he is okay. A few tears leak out of my eyes when I see him. Thank god he is okay. He is running with a limp and he must be sore but he is okay. He reaches me at the same time as Daniel and I can see four police officers behind them radioing people. Daniel and Harry kneel down beside me in the dirt.

"Baby, thank god Louis" is the first thing Harry says to me.

He reaches down and places a kiss on my forehead, tears in his eyes.

"Louis, I'm going to cut the ties around your wrists okay bud" Daniel says to me. 

He reaches in his medical kit and pulls out some scissors and cuts my wrists free. My wrists are rubbed raw but it feels so good to be out of the restraints. I reach up towards the gag in my mouth to try and pull it out but it still won't budge.

Daniel then reaches up to the gag on my face. 

"Let me get this off hey, just stay still" he reassures me as he cuts it off. 

The relief I feel, is immediate and I cough and take in deep breaths getting the oxygen back into my lungs. 

"Breath Louis, deep breaths" Harry says. 

"Louis, I know you are hurt and I'm sorry, but Harry and I need to check you over and check that your kidney is okay" Daniel says. 

I just nod in response. Daniel lifts Zany's jacket off me and lifts my shirt up. It's cold and It hurts but I don't care, I'm so glad Harry is okay that's all I can think about. 

"Lou, baby. I know you don't like this, but I need to put it on to help you breathe" Harry says holding up the oxygen mask in front of my face. 

I nod my head at Harry. He smiles at me as he puts the mask on my face. 

"Haz, it's bad we need to get him into hospital straight away" Daniel says. 

I suddenly start coughing and I need to lean to my side, I reach for the mask over my face and pull it down as I start coughing up blood. 

"It's okay Louis" Daniel tells me as I finish coughing.

He places the mask back on my face. 

"We can't get the bed down here. We need to carry him back to the ambulance" Dan says. 

Harry doesn't hesitate, he picks me up bridal style and starts walking back to the ambulance and the police. It takes a little while, I didn't realise how far I had actually run.

We see the tree line and I can see the police and ambulance and the flashing lights. When we clear the trees I can see Mr Charles and his two men on the ground handcuffed. I cling to Harry with all my might. Mr Charles just smirks at me and I lean in closer to Harry.

I can hear Mr Charles yelling things at me, cruel and rude things about how it felt to wreck me and have his cock inside me. I try to remember back, I remember at the apartments and his fingers but I can't remember if he actually raped me. What if he did it while I was unconscious and passed out. Shit, I have no idea if he has raped me. I feel violated though and the cruel things he is yelling make me feel so disgusting and I cling to Harry. My breathing picking up, I can't breathe all I can think of is Mr Charles on top of me, his breath, his smell. I can't take it anymore. I can't breathe I need to breathe. I pull the mask off my face and try to,wriggle out of Harry arms, my body betraying me though. Harry's grip on me is tight. 

"Calm down Louis, just keep your eyes on me buddy, don't look at him and don't listen to him just focus on me" Daniel tries to tell me as he walks next to Harry and I. 

I'm so scared that I was actually raped and I don't even know about it. Daniel cups my face trying to get me to focus but I can't. He tries to put the mask back on my face, I still can't breathe. We make it to the ambulance and Daniel gets In first followed by Harry carrying me.

"We will meet you guys at the hospital" Harry turns to tell the boys.

They all nod and rush to their car to meet us there. 

"Okay Louis, I'm going to put you on the bed baby" Harry tells me.

I shake my head no though and I cling to his scrub shirt tightly.

"It's okay Haz just get on the bed with him if it's going to calm him down" Daniel says.

Harry nods and gets on the bed, he moves me so I'm between his legs and lying back on his chest.

"Just relax Louis it's okay" he tells me.

"Harry, I'm scared... I don't know if what he said is true. I don't know if he touched me or r-r-r-aped me" I say as I start to freak out again.

"Shhhhhhhh Lou, calm down, we will check you over when we get to the hospital you will be okay" Harry reassures me. 

Daniel gets the blankets ready and puts them over us on the bed. I'm shivering and shaking even in Harry's arms and the blankets are welcomed warmth. 

"Shhhhhh, I've got you Lou" Harry keeps telling me.

"We will look after you Louis. We promise" Daniel tells me. 

I lean onto Harry and calm myself down. Daniel keeps checking my obs the whole way there and looks a little worried but each time I catch his eye he smiles, it doesn't reach his eyes though.

"I don't want anyone else when we get there please can you......I don't want anyone else to touch......me please" I rasp out against Harry's chest.

"It's okay Lou, we promise we won't let anyone else touch you, just Daniel and I okay" Harry says, 

I nod 

"Louis, when we get there, I need you to let go of Harry, so he can help me take care of you. Can you do that for us Louis, I promise you we won't leave your side for a second" Daniel says.

"O-okay" I say shakily.

"Good boy Louis" Daniel says.

When we pull up to the hospital we are wheeled in and I'm transferred into a bigger bed in the emergency department. Harry gets off the bed and I whimper but he is next to me in a second holding my hand.

"I'm here Lou" he smiles.

The two nurses I recognise as Molly and Kate are called over by Daniel and they are by my side in a second. 

"Hi there Louis, just relax we will take care of you" Molly tells me.

Things are being yelled around me just like last time and Harry and Daniel set up different drips and tests. Blood is drawn and my heart rate monitored and blood pressure as well. 

"Okay Louis, we are going to get you into a gown okay" Daniel tells me. 

As my jeans are pulled down Daniel seems to stop.

"Haz" He says worriedly.

Harry leaves my side and is next to Daniel in a second. 

"Fuck, that fucking son of a bitch" Harry yells. 

The room goes quiet.

"Just step out for a second Haz you're scaring Louis" Daniel says.

I lift my head to see what's going on. I can see blood all over my jeans.

Harry leaves the room and I can't help but panic.

"Haz" I rasp out.

"It's okay bud, just relax he will be back In a minute" Daniel tells me.

I try to get off the bed. 

"Louis, I need you to lie down buddy" Daniel says.

He is at my side in a second holding onto my arms. I look him straight in the eyes, 

"He raped me didn't he" I choke out.

Tears make there way down my face. Daniels eyes become watery and he doesn't need to say the words for me to know. I break down then. 

"Harry hates me, he thinks I'm disgusting" I say as Daniel wraps his arms around me and I sob into his chest.

"No Lou, never buddy, never, he loves you" Daniel tells me.

Suddenly I'm having another coughing fit and I can't breathe. I start coughing up blood again and Daniel rolls me onto my side. 

Again medical stuff is thrown around me and all I can think about is Harry and how he will never ever want me again. I've been raped, my kidney is killing me and Harry has left..... I can't breathe.....


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys this is the final chapter, I'm sorry I didn't give you a warning. I just felt like this was the right way to end this story. I absolutely love you all, thank you for all your support and comments they brighten my day so much. I love writing for you and I have a few things in the works for you all. I will be writing all older Harry and innocent Louis cause that's what I love and that's what I write. Thank you for taking this journey with me enjoy xxxxxxx

HARRY's POV

I walk out of the Louis room and I feel physically sick. How could that fucking asshole do that to such a beautiful boy. I'm so so angry, I can't keep it together. This is all my fault, I didn't try hard enough to stop this from happening. How is Louis going to cope with this, he is going to go backwards and it's all my fault. I try to take deep breaths. Suddenly Dan walks out of the room.

"Harry" he says as he comes towards me.

I turn around to face him.

"Mate, I know this is hard I understand, I do, but Louis needs you Haz. He just broke down in my arms, he thinks you don't love him anymore. He thinks you think he is disgusting now" Dan tells me his voice breaking and his eyes filled with tears.

"No, Dan, no. I love him, I will always love him. I'm just angry" I say frustratingly.

"I know that Haz and you know that, but Louis doesn't. He is starting to freak out again and I need your help. I think it's an abscess on his kidney and we need to take him back to theatre" Daniel tells me seriously.

"Fuck....Dan, why, why is this happening to him. He doesn't deserve any of this" I yell.

"All we can do is be there for him Harry, we need to deal with this, I need you to do the surgery Harry....do I need to ask someone else Haz?" He asks me gently.

"No, no way. I won't let any one else touch him" I say heatedly.

"I didn't think so, so let's get in there and do what we need to do for Louis Haz" Dan says.

I look down and place my hands on my hips. I sigh. Daniel comes over and he hugs me, I return the hug tightly.

"I'm sorry, thanks Dan" I say sniffling.

"Of course Haz, come on I haven't told Louis yet" Daniel says.

LOUIS POV.

When Dan leaves the room I really start to freak out,they have both left me, they promised they wouldn't leave or let anyone else touch me. They hate me, Im so disgusting and vial I hate myself. Molly comes over to my side and tries to get me to slow my breathing down. I can't, I don't want to. Everything hurts and I've been raped. When Mr Charles said he wanted to ruin my life he sure succeeded. Harry and Daniel hate me and when the boys find out they will too. I sit up on the bed, my gown falling off my shoulders as its to big. 

"Louis, sweetheart I need you to lie down for me" Molly says.

When she calls me sweetheart it send shivers down my spine..he called me sweetheart.

"Please.... please don't call me that, please no....." I say closing my eyes.

"Okay honey Im sorry.....just relax Louis, just relax, you have broken a few ribs and your kidney is in a bad way, I need you to lie down for me honey" she says.

Broken ribs again, that will explain my pain. I knew something was wrong with my kidney, shit. What if I die, what if I'm going to actually die this time. I won't see Harry or Daniel or the boys again. At least they won't have a disgrace for a brother, at least I won't be an embarrassment to them. I don't want to die though, for some reason I really don't want to die. Im going to die I just know it. 

"Louis relax Hun" Molly says again, but I can't listen to her.

I look up. The door opens and Harry and Daniel walk back in the room. Harry rushes to my side as Daniel speaks to the nurse, something about theatre.

"Louis, baby calm down" Harry tells me as he cups my cheeks.

"No nnnoooo you... you hate me, Harry I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...I'm such a fuck up I'm soo disgusting" I choke out as I try to breathe.

"No my Louis, no baby, you are none of those things. I love you Louis and you could never ever disgust me or disappoint me or anything, do you understand" Harry tells me.

"But, but.. he.. he raped me, he's been inside me and I didn't even know. I feel so disgusting and I'm so sore and it hurts, everything hurts. I'm scared Harry I'm so so scared" I tell him.

"Don't be scared Louis, please Im right here, I won't let anything happen to you baby. You are not disgusting, I'm here Lou I promise, I'm not going anywhere" Harry tells me as he brings me into his arms and I sob.

"I need you to lie down though baby, we need to take you back to theatre to fix your kidney" Harry tells me.

"What??? What's wrong with me Harry. I don't want to go through what happened last time, Harry please... please" I panic.

"Shhhhh, I promise you will be okay, it's not as bad as last time Louis, but if we don't fix what's wrong it will get that way okay. Just trust me and lie down" Harry says.

I look into Harry's eyes and I trust everything he is saying to me. He helps me lie down as Dan comes over and hooks up some drips and more monitors. 

"Am I going to die Haz, I'm so scared, am I going to die?" I ask Harry, completely serious.

Harry looks up from my face and Daniel and him share a look. He looks back towards me.

"No baby, no you are not going to die, you have my word Lou, I won't let that happen" Harry tells me.

"Louis, you are in the best hands okay buddy, we won't let anything bad happen to you" Daniel says.

"But how do you know, you can't promise me that, how can you promise me that?" I ask getting choked up.

"I can promise you that because you will be fine I didn't let you die last time and I sure as hell won't let you die this time Louis. You are going to make it through this baby all of it and when you get through surgery and get better and come home again.....We are going to move in together for good and we are going to be together forever and we will get married, you and me baby" Harry says smiling down at me.

"What?" I ask confused.

"Dr Styles, theatre is ready for you" Molly says.

Harry looks up and nods at her. He then turns his attention back to me.

"Marry me Louis, please I want to marry you, you will make me the happiest person on earth....be my husband... marry me" he says smiling so brightly at me.

"Your crazy Harry, like literally crazy, I'm I'm... I I, you're saying that because I'm going to die right you are just trying to be nice because you know this is the last thing I will remember" I stumble out. 

I hear Dam snort and laugh as he plays with my drips and slips something into it.

"No ,Louis, I'm asking because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you baby, I know you will make it through this and we will have the most wonderful wedding and maybe even kids down the track..... I love you Louis....marry me" he asks again smiling widely.

I smile up at Harry

"Yes.....yes Harry I will marry you, I, I love you so much" I say.

Harry leans down to kiss me and the nurses and Dan are smiling at us like crazy. 

"Congratulations love birds.... but we need to get going" Daniel smirks out.

Harry stands up off the bed and leans down to kiss me again.

"I'll take care of you I promise" Harry says.

"I know, I love you" I say.

I can feel my self getting sleepy from the drugs that were put in my drip.

"I love you too baby" Harry replies. Before I'm out once again.

LOUIS POV - one year Later

"Oh my god I'm so nervous Zayn" I whisper out.

"Lou, you look fucking hot as, Harry won't know what hit him babe" Zayn smiles out. 

I take some deep breaths. As I finish looking at myself in the mirror. Zayn turns me around and starts fixing my tie.

"Lou, stop worrying Harry and you are going to be amazingly happy babe, you are made for each other and meant to be together" Zayn tells me.

I nod my head, today Harry and I are starting a new chapter in our lives and I couldn't be happier.

Andy and Liam come bounding into the hotel room holding Lacey's hand. She is dressed in a very beautiful black and white dress.

"Ready to go kid? I've just been speaking to Niall and there is a very very excited Harry waiting for you at the altar" Andy smirks out.

I smile. 

"Unca Lou, you look handsome" Lacey tells me.

"Thanks baby girl" I say bending down to her level and giving her a big cuddle.

I grab her hand and we all walk out of the hotel to the waiting cars and head towards the church. 

So much has happened over the past year. My recovery from my second hospital stay was a lot smoother than the first time, having Harry there was amazing and with Kimberly's help I didn't relapse again and I've learnt to cope with what happened to me. It was hard at first but opening my eyes to Harry after my operation made everything okay. I still have some kidney problems and I will for the rest of my life but nothing we can't deal with. I am now at a healthy weight and my eating habits are better than they have ever been. There are days when I feel like I don't want to eat but I know my limits and I know what I need to do in order to not relapse. Mr Charles was sent to prison again for 20 years this time and his probation revoked, he won't be out anytime soon. The rape though was really hard to deal with and I still suffer from nightmares. That fact that I don't remember it though was a real godsend and helped a lot with my recovery. The first time Harry and I had sex again was difficult and very emotional but it helped us reconnect and it helped me to actually deal with the events that happened. It actually brought us closer and we have a very healthy sex life. 

Work wise I'm still going strong and am still the face of 'London Now' and 'H&K' Im still followed by paparazzi and I'm sure a bunch of them are following me right now as we drive to the church, but Alberto is still with me and has been a massive help with dealing with the public. Harry is still working with Dan at St Mary's and they are definitely the dream team and not to be messed with. Harry and I moved in together as soon as I was released from the hospital. We ended up buying a little house just outside of London and it's definitely our home. 

Liam and Sophia welcomed their second baby girl, Emma last year also. She is such a cutie and being surrounded by so many baby's is making Harry want kids, we have talked about it but in a few years when I'm ready to give up working we will look at adopting. Zayn and Perry announced their pregnancy four months ago, after a long haul of miscarriages and difficulties they are going to be parents to a baby boy. They are amazingly happy and we all can't wait to meet the new arrival. Niall is still playing for Manchester and is serious about being single, he is happy though and just loving life at the moment. Andy and Chloe are engaged but the wedding will have to wait until after their next baby is born in a months time. 

As we pull up to the church, we all get out of the car. I'm so nervous. Liam makes sure my tie is straight and Zayn Liam and I all share a hug. None of us are talking to our parents still and for my dad to give me away on my wedding day doesn't seem right. Liam has been the closest thing to a dad I've had and has practically raised me. Walking down the isle to Harry with Liam giving me away is an honour, he has given me so much and I will always be thankful for him. 

"This is it Lou, are you ready?" Liam smiles at me.

"Yeah" I say smiling shyly.

Liam smiles at me and I grab his arm as we enter the church. Andy and Zayn walk in front, Lacey in between them as they walk down the isle first. I look up and see Niall and Daniel at the alter next to Harry and when my eyes land on Harry my nerves completely disappear. He looks so sexy and amazingly hot, he has his signature smirk plastered on his face and I can't wait to kiss him. He winks at me and I can't help but blush. When I reach him Liam and him share a big hug and he then takes my arm and we walk up to the alter together. He leans down to whisper in my ear.

"You look so gorgeous Lou, I'm so lucky" he says. 

I look towards him and smile, he grins at me and we turn to face the priest. The ceremony begins and I try to keep my composure. I'm marrying the love of my life right now and I couldn't be happier. When it comes our vows we decided to write our own and I try my hardest to keep it together. As I turn to face Harry and look into his amazing green eyes, I take a deep breath.

"Harry, today I stand here in front of all these people marrying my best friend but, it's so much more than that. Harry, you are my soulmate and my whole world. Being able to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep next to you every night makes me the luckiest person in the world. Your smile and your laugh never fail to bring a smile to my face. If I could hear you laugh everyday for the rest of our lives I would be complete. You are the most honest and caring person and I'm honoured to stand here today and become your husband and spend the rest of my life with you. I love you with all of my heart" I finish as a tear falls down my cheek. 

Harry is smiling so brightly at me and he has tears in his eyes, he reaches out gently and wipes the tear off my cheek with his thumb. 

"Lou, you are the most amazing, gorgeous wonderful person in the world. You make my heart beat faster every time our eyes meet. I am in love with every piece of you, especially your heart. I love your smile and the way your eyes crinkle when you really smile for me, the way you have to sleep on your left side, how you only eat vanilla ice cream, the way you hate anchovies on your pizza and I even love the way you leave your dirty socks in the sheets because your feet get too hot throughout the night" Harry laughs.

The rest of the guest laugh at Harry as he pauses before he continues.

"Seriously though Lou, when I nearly lost you twice. I felt like my world was crashing down and coming to an end. I never want to face the day without you by my side, you mean absolutely everything to me and to grow old with you and be by your side for the rest of our lives, making our own memories and creating our journey together is an honour. You are such a strong and amazing man Louis and I can't wait to make you mine forever" Harry finishes. He winks at me again and I try to wipe the tears from my eyes discreetly failing miserably. 

The rest of the ceremony goes off without a hitch and when we are announced into our reception as Mr and Mr Harry Styles, the room breaks into huge hoots and cheers. Harry never lets go of my hand and never leaves my side all night. We eat, drink, dance and laugh together, the day is absolutely amazing. 

Harry and I end the night slow dancing on the dance floor. My head resting in the crook of his neck and my feet on top of his as he sways us around the dance floor.

"I can't wait to wake up to you in the morning Mr Styles" Harry whispers softly in my ear.

I pull back and look at Harry in the eyes and smile.

"Me neither, I love you so much Harry" I say back to him.

We look around the room and see all our close friends and family who have been with us over the past few years. It has been a hell of a tough road for me and I couldn't have gotten through any of it without the support of my brothers and their amazing families. Without Daniel and especially not without my Harry. We move on to the next chapter of our lives together and I cannot wait to share my life with this amazing, funny and caring gorgeous man. My husband and my soul mate.... my Harry.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Story

Hi everyone I have a new story up it's called 'it is what it is' enjoy


	28. Chapter 28

Just posted my new fic, it's called 'ours'


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